Basketball - A FLY ON THE BALL

Emo Jimmy Butler Demands Trade

May 4, 2024May 4, 2024 Buzz McFly

Jimmy Butler and the Miami Heat are coming off yet another disappointing season after being eliminated from the NBA Playoffs by the Boston Celtics. The pathetic 2024 Heat playoff run ended after only five games.

To say Butler has off-court distractions would be an understatement considering he did not play in a single game for the Heat against the Celtics. Jimmy didn’t care if the Heat won or lost, he’s more worried about whether he’ll get a max contract this off-season. Playoffs? Jimmy only gets off by not playing these days!

On top of that, Butler has his eye on becoming the lead singer of a new group, perhaps even away from Miami, if necessary. Word on the street is, the “Jimmy Butler demands trade from the Miami Heat” talk is circulating because he doesn’t like their setlist anymore:

The Jimmy Butler era in Miami could be ‘nearing a tipping point,’ per @davidaldridgedc

“There have been murmurings this year that Butler and the Heat may no longer be singing from the same hymnal. Butler, famously, does things his way, and Miami’s organization, famously, does… pic.twitter.com/h2R3HJ09wF
— NBACentral (@TheDunkCentral) May 3, 2024

It’s no secret Jimmy has been a secret admirer of emo music since its inception, but it wasn’t always known publicly. Butler decided to finally make his emo obsession public by showing up with a new hairstyle at the NBA’s media day before the start of the 2023-24 season.

via GIPHY

The paparazzi came out in full force while everyone was ready to roll out the red carpet for Kimmy Butler, the newest lead singer in every underground emo band you’ve probably never heard of. Like, whatever. It’s not like a big deal or anything…

Since then, Butler has become a bit of an emo celebrity. Now, Jimmy is trying to decide how to balance his basketball career with his emo priorities while capitalizing on his newfound fame. When you really think about it, Jimmy’s love for emo was always obvious considering his constant teenager-like behavior.

Charles Barkley Is The Round Mound of Knuckleheads

April 28, 2024April 28, 2024 Buzz McFly

When it comes to inadvertent, unadulterated soundbites, it’s becoming clear that Charles Barkley is The Round Mound of Knuckleheads. Even though he is far removed from his playing days as an undersized and overweight forward in the NBA, Barkley still continues to deliver highlight reels for the ages on a nightly basis.

Unfortunately, Barkley’s lackadaisical approach to working out and his hatred for the gym ultimately did him in as a player. His lack of discipline became obvious as he struggled to stay in shape over the course of his career. When asked what his typical workout routine was as a player, Barkley eagerly provided a demonstration using a Shake Weight:

via GIPHY

Surprisingly, despite Barkley’s athletically challenged physique, he was actually a halfway decent basketball player back when he could still reach his toes to lace them up. During his NBA career, he waxed glass to the tune of 12,546 rebounds, proving Barkley’s knack for chasing balls. Sir Charles was so good at grabbing balls in a crowd that he earned an immortal nickname: The Round Mound of Rebound.

As a result, Chuck always had balls in his hands but he also knew how to use his clappers to score. In fact, Ball Hog Barkley scored a total of 23,757 points throughout his playing career. That takes a lot of balls. Nobody doubts Barkley’s ability to find the hole and get it in there.

Charles Barkley Chasing Balls Phoenix Suns T-Shirt

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Proof the Zion Williamson Diet Works

March 16, 2024April 28, 2024 Buzz McFly

How Zion Williamson’s Fast Food Diet is Supersizing His Game

Back in December of 2023, Zion Williamson’s strict diet of fast food made clickbait headlines again. Like Slim Fast commercials back in the day, Williamson’s diet, or lack thereof, always seems to be overplayed. Luckily, Williamson shrugs it off with the kind of cool you’d expect from the Big Easy. Enjoy that new nickname, Zion, you’ve earned it.

Needless to say, Williamson’s physique remains a topic of conversation whether the NBA superstar is active or sidelined by injuries. Much like Williamson’s weight, the speculation regarding how Zion’s obesity affects his play is getting out of control.

In fact, rumor has it Jenny Craig reached out to Williamson to gauge his interest in becoming their new spokesperson. A Fly On The Ball reached out to Williamson’s representatives to confirm whether the rumor is true, but much like a Zion airball, any kind of a response seems to have been lost like a queef in the wind.

Zion Williamson airball complete with the Marvel graphics on ESPN2. 😂 pic.twitter.com/Ajw8CHcziY
— Awful Announcing (@awfulannouncing) May 4, 2021

The Everlasting Ballstopper: New James Harden Candy Coming Soon!

December 23, 2023April 7, 2024 Buzz McFly

It’s no secret that Willy Wonka changed the game when it comes to sugar and candy. That’s why the famous candy gods chose to name their newest scrumtrulescent creation after James Harden of the Los Angeles Clippers.

Coming soon to a convenience store near you is the Everlasting Ballstopper, a new gob-stopping flavor dropped in collaboration between Willy Wonka and James Harden. This new designer candy is fire.

When A Fly On The Ball reached out to Willy Wonka with questions regarding why they chose Harden as inspiration for their new Everlasting Ballstopper candy, the candy-czar’s response was short and sweet:

“Game recognize game.”
– Willy Wonka on Harden’s Contribution to the Everlasting Ballstopper

James Harden the Everlasting Ballstopper Meme Los Angeles Clippers T-Shirt Heavy Cotton Tee Gildan – Unisex

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Wonka originally scheduled a night out on the town in Los Angeles to catch a Clippers game but the big Hollywood star is always so busy. As a result, A Fly On The Ball had the privilege to catch a Clippers game in Wonka’s suite along with some of the top-performing Oompa Loompas within the company.

Thanks to Wonka’s generous open-bar policy, there were unlimited drinks and sweets on hand. By sticking around, A Fly On The Ball was able to catch some interesting behind-the-scenes tidbits regarding how Wonka originally came up with the idea for the Everlasting Ballstopper.

There was one Oompa Loompa in particular, Iggywumpus Guzzle-Gloop, who had an affinity for Snozberry Schnapps. So, ol’ Buzz McFly slipped the bartender a 20 and told him to “keep ’em comin!” He obliged. By the time the third quarter rolled around, a nightmarish sugar buzz was in full swing while the booze was encouraging loose lips. Journalism 101.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Iggywumpus went all Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds while deciding to drop a few tabs under the blue moon. Finally, a golden ticket to the Everlasting Ballstopper story. The details were about to get juicy.

Draymond Green Punching Below Weight Class and Still Losing

December 14, 2023December 15, 2023 Buzz McFly

Draymond Green’s Punch-Out!!

It’s another day that ends with the letter Y which means it’s another opportunity for Draymond Green to tarnish whatever he thinks his legacy is. To say Green has been out of control lately would be an understatement. Plenty of people are already saying the Golden State Warriors would be better off without Green’s costly distractions, behavior, and off-court drama.

There are even a few voices calling for the NBA to issue a lifetime ban to Green after his latest fiasco. Why not? If Pete Rose can still be banned from baseball after legalizing sports gambling, why not throw the book at this bozo, Draymond Green? Adam Silver has already issued an indefinite suspension for Green’s latest low blow to the NBA’s non-violent public relations effort.

It’s clear the NBA has a discipline problem, they are not coming down hard enough on players such as Ja Morant of the Memphis Grizzlies and Draymond. Players think they can do whatever they want, including brandishing weapons in public or physically ambushing other players on the basketball court, because there are no consequences.

Speaking of Morant, in a matter of only one month, Green has made the entire NBA community completely forget about how immature Ja is. It all began when Draymond Green put Rudy Gobert of the Minnesota Timberwolves in a headlock during a matchup on November 14:

Extraterrestrial Named Wembanyama Invades NBA’s San Antonio Spurs

December 9, 2023December 9, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

If you’ve watched the NBA this season, chances are you’ve caught a glimpse of the extraterrestrial they’ve been calling “Victor Wembanyama.” It has taken over control of the San Antonio Spurs, where shape-shifting cohort Adam Silver has assigned legendary basketball mind Gregg Popovich to teach the Wembanyama how to basketball. Just look at the excitement here after demanding a jersey with all ten letters printed on the back.

Meet the Nazmanian Devil: Naz Reid of the Minnesota Timberwolves

December 7, 2023April 3, 2024 Buzz McFly

Standing in the blue corner, at six-foot-nine inches tall, out of LSU, Meet the Nazmanian Devil: Naz Reid of the Minnesota Timberwolves. Slouching in the red corner, shaking in their boots, is the rest of the NBA trying to figure out a way to slow this Wolves team down after winning their fifth game in a row. The Timberwolves currently hold the top spot in the NBA’s Western Conference Standings.

Minnesota Timberwolves fans are enjoying a somewhat belated revival at the Target Center this season. They are on a roll, sporting a 16-4 record after playing 20 games of their 2023-24 NBA Season. Charles Barkley and quite a few million others have plates full of crow waiting for them at the breakfast table this morning.

Despite constant negative publicity from the national media, the Wolves continue proving doubters wrong everywhere. Some people think this recent success is unusual but for Wolves fans, this resurgence is long overdue.

Over the offseason, many Wolves fans already knew what they had in Naz Reid, they’ve known about the Nazmanian Devil for years. This is a guy the entire fanbase did not want to lose even though he was set to hit free agency. In fact, a majority of Wolves fans thought Naz Reid was gone the moment the free agency window opened.

Naz Reid Nazmanian Devil Psychedelic Meme Minnesota Timberwolves T-Shirt Heavy Cotton Tee Gildan

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It’s no secret that Wolves fans love Naz Reid, losing him to free agency would have left hardcore fans howling at the moon for the rest of his career. When news broke that the Nazmanian Devil would be back with the Wolves for at least three more years, fans rejoiced in disbelief while letting out a collective sigh of relief.

Wolves fans are so used to players wanting to leave Minneapolis, but this guy wanted to stay? Talk about a changing of the guard. Fans certainly make their love known for the Nazmanian Devil throughout Minnesota:

2023-2024 Minnesota Timberwolves Prove We Are Living in an Alternate Timeline

December 3, 2023December 7, 2023 Buzz McFly

Wolves in First Place in Western Conference NBA Standings

In case you’ve been living under a rock or spending too much time in the multiverse, the 2023-24 NBA Season is in full swing. With almost a quarter of the games already in the books, an interesting tinfoil hat theory is emerging from certain conspiracy circles. Why? Because the Minnesota Timberwolves currently are sitting alone atop the NBA’s Western Conference Standings with a record of 15-4.

Something just isn’t adding up here. Historically speaking, the Minnesota Timberwolves are the least successful team in the entire history of the NBA. With an all-time winning percentage of .402, the Wolves have not even been capable of playing .500 ball. Pathetic.

At the time of this article, the Timberwolves have won 1,091 games in their history while managing to lose 1,621 games. Even the Los Angeles Clippers have a higher all-time winning percentage of .419 and they’re complete losers.

What’s even worse is how the Timberwolves were a once-great franchise capable of playing with pride while packing the Target Center with balls-to-the-walls fans screaming their Minnesota Nice hearts out. When the Big Ticket was slapping the hardwood and pounding his chest, the house was always packed.

James Harden on Los Angeles Clippers’ Struggles: Don’t Blame Me, It’s the System

November 14, 2023December 23, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

Seven-time All-NBA guard James Harden is a very good basketball player. He’s a former MVP winner, a ten-time All-Star, and a three-time scoring champion. Some might even say he is the system.

James Harden: “I am the system”

The system: pic.twitter.com/U9JfK3Lj3f
— BrickMuse (@BrickMuse) November 9, 2023

But not last year, when Harden had to play second fiddle while teammate Joel Embiid stole the spotlight by winning NBA MVP instead. For the first time since 2012, Harden didn’t even make an All-Star team. It wasn’t a good look for The Beard.

James Harden without his beard (2012). pic.twitter.com/8NO3RcfqSV
— Ballsack Sports (@BallsackSports) September 6, 2023

Modelo Beer Partnership Awkward for Damian Lillard and Milwaukee Bucks

October 18, 2023December 21, 2023 Buzz McFly

Modelo Partnership Awkward for Damian Lillard in Milwaukee Bucks

City of Milwaukee Wants Schlitz Lager Sponsorship To Promote Local Brewing

Since being traded from the Portland Trail Blazers to the Milwaukee Bucks, Damian Lillard is the talk of Brew Town. The only problem is, the buzz generated by Lillard hasn’t exactly been positive publicity. Lillard is making headlines for all the wrong reasons because of the company he keeps off the court.