Category: MLB

🪰 Come Get A Parody’s Nuts With A Fly On The Baseball ⚾ The Latest MLB Major League Baseball Sports News As Heard By A Fly On The Ball 💩

Should MLB Legalize Steroids to Get Fans Jacked About Baseball Again?

Buzz McFly
Should MLB Legalize Steroids to get fans jacked about baseball? meme

MLB Hit Peak Popularity During Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, and Sammy Sosa Era

In a groundbreaking move to inject some much-needed adrenaline into America’s former favorite pastime, Major League Baseball is contemplating a radical new strategy in an effort to put more butts in the bleachers: legalizing steroids. Believe it or not, there is a serious conversation going on behind closed doors: should MLB legalize steroids?

This controversial new proposal suggests that allowing players to bulk up could reignite the spark that once made baseball the nation’s favorite sport. The data MLB is using to fuel this debate is the legendary 1998 home run race which kept fans tuned into the season like never before. And, sadly, never again since.

Who could ever forget the great home run race of 1998? This was the last time baseball was as electrifying as a Fourth of July fireworks display. The stage was set for a historic showdown between two of the most honorable sluggers of all time, Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa. They were jacked to the tits:

Continue reading “Should MLB Legalize Steroids to Get Fans Jacked About Baseball Again?”

Los Angeles Angels Quietly Eliminated from 2024 Playoffs After Shohei Ohtani Signs with Dodgers

Harvey Ballbanger
Shohei Ohtani

Shohei Ohtani is growing up so fast. The latest sign of the Japanese superstar’s maturity includes leaving his childhood friends behind and finding a family capable of putting a ring on his finger. 

After playing six seasons on a minor-league team, Ohtani’s set to make his Major League debut with the Los Angeles Dodgers. It shouldn’t be long before the Shotime Dodgers take over MLB, much like Magic Johnson’s infectious Showtime Lakers did with the NBA.

Continue reading “Los Angeles Angels Quietly Eliminated from 2024 Playoffs After Shohei Ohtani Signs with Dodgers”

George Costanza Interviews for Los Angeles Chargers General Manager Vacancy

Buzz McFly
Chargers Interview George Costanza For General Manager Vacancy Meme George Costanza Interviewing for Los Angeles Chargers General Manager Vacancy Meme Post Version

George Costanza Set To Prove He Is Penske Material Once and for All

In an effort to head into retirement on a high note, former New York Yankees assistant to the traveling secretary, George Costanza, is currently flying en route to Los Angeles. Costanza feels he has one more dream job left in him before calling it a career and the Los Angeles Chargers want to hear his plans for turning the franchise around.

It’s no secret Costanza has always been curious about what the West Coast has to offer. At times, George thinks he wants to get away from the bustle of the Big Apple to see if he could ever fit in with the cool kids out west. A lot of people don’t realize this, but George Costanza is actually a bit of a bad boy:

Continue reading “George Costanza Interviews for Los Angeles Chargers General Manager Vacancy”

4 Reasons Why Skip Bayless Is Full of Shit

Buzz McFly
Skip Bayless Is Full of Shit

Few things can spike ratings more than controversy, which is literally the only reason Skip Bayless still has a job on television. At a time when ESPN is slashing payroll faster than it takes Michael Myers to find his knife, the freakshow Bayless is somehow commanding a ridiculous salary from FOX Sports.

Skip Bayless is known for his hot takes that sound like they were schemed by a psychopathic contrarian, just to gauge reactions. In modern times, these controversial takes make waves while the entire world looks to Twitter or wherever the Scarecrow talking head is spewing his bullshit.

The irony here is that Skip actually thinks he is a well-liked guy with popular opinions. That couldn’t be further from the truth. In reality, the whole world is actually making fun of Bayless, not laughing with him.

When it comes to pretty much anything, this guy is the dictionary definition of a shithead. Here are the 4 reasons why Skip Bayless is full of shit:

Continue reading “4 Reasons Why Skip Bayless Is Full of Shit”

3 Ways the New York Mets Are Exceeding Expectations This Season

Buzz McFly
New York Mets

Before the 2023 MLB season began, the New York Mets were generating a lot of buzz because Uncle Steve opened up the checkbook for pretty much anyone not named Jacob deGrom. Casual and bandwagon fans entered the season actually believing the Mets, of all franchises, successfully bought the 2023 World Series Championship before opening day.

However, real fans of both the Mets and baseball in general know better. First of all, it’s impossible to buy a championship in baseball. The Yankees try to do this every single year and they haven’t won since 2009. Perhaps Cohen hasn’t been introduced to the Steinbrenner family yet, who knows, but they’ve been in the baseball business for a minute.

Everyone in the Yankees organization probably found it pretty amusing to watch Cohen counting his chickens before they hatched. Steve announced his intentions to win a World Series during his introductory press conference after purchasing the New York Mets in 2020.

“If I don’t win the World Series in the next 3-5 years, I’d like to make it sooner, I would consider that slightly disappointing.”

– Steve Cohen

However, the very fact that Steve Cohen opened up the checkbook shouldn’t be a surprise to anybody. The guy could literally wipe his ass with Benjamin Franklin’s face and earn that $100 back before he folds the bill for a clean surface. Shit, he probably wouldn’t even fold, he just gets a crisp bill out for the next wipe. That’s how rich Uncle Steve is.

Yet, he spent a lot of money on big-name free agents knowing that you can’t buy a World Series. Or, at least he acted like he knew that in 2020:

“I can promise you we’re going to act like a major market team. Are we going to act like drunken sailors in the marketplace? No. We want to be thoughtful. You can spend a lot of money today and tie up your team for the next five years.

You build champions, you don’t buy them.”

– Uncle Steve Cohen

Which leads me to the very first way the New York Mets are exceeding expectations at almost the halfway point of the 2023 MLB season:

Continue reading “3 Ways the New York Mets Are Exceeding Expectations This Season”

MLB Teams Eyeing Shohei Ohtani Trade

Buzz McFly
Shohei Ohtani - A Fly On The Ball

The Race for Baseball’s Best Two-Way Player Since Babe Ruth Is On

Major League Baseball is about a month away from its annual trade deadline. For the 2023 MLB season, the trade deadline is August 1st. Every single year there are teams trying to buy a World Series Championship at the trade deadline, but history has proven that rarely works. This year, every team in baseball should be calling the Angels about their asking price for Shohei Ohtani.

Insightful advanced analytics provided by A Fly On The Ball’s team of Swamp Nuts suggest there may be a wiser alternative to this trade-deadline madness. This modern Moneyball approach could prove more beneficial to teams looking to build the foundation for long-term success, and it’s easy to understand why when you break it down.

You see, the way your grandfather built baseball teams is a little bit different than the way advanced metrics suggest you should do it. The idea is to work smarter, not harder. It’s actually a really simple concept to grasp.

Everyone thinks the shitty teams should be sellers, but that just doesn’t make sense if you look at the only stat that matters in sports, the W column. If your team sucks, you need to do whatever it takes to get better. Immediately. 

In reality, the MLB trade deadline offers the perfect opportunity to bolster your roster for next season and beyond. Before you roll your eyes, you might want to make sure you’re not becoming your parents with your perspective. 

If your goal as a baseball team is really to win the World Series, you need to start getting better now. Not getting worse. You might as well roll the dice on a star player with an expiring contract to see if you should throw the bag at him in the offseason. 

You see, these current millennial GMs have forgotten that you used to be able to rent a movie at Blockbuster before buying it. It’s time to get back to the basics and make a Blockbuster trade for Shohei Ohtani.

Here Are Six Teams That Should Trade For Shohei Ohtani Immediately

Continue reading “MLB Teams Eyeing Shohei Ohtani Trade”

New York Yankees Blame Canada for MLB Postponements With Claims of ‘Poor Air Quality’

Harvey Ballbanger
New York Yankees

It turns out money can’t buy happiness, even when you’re the New York Yankees, with a $558 million payroll. While this beef has been boiling over for generations, New York’s longstanding rivalry with its neighbors to the north, Canada in this case, has stooped to new lows. 

Look. Nobody likes their neighbors. That’s just a fact. Here we have two areas who likely both feel they have gotten a raw deal. Seriously, imagine being neighbors with New York? Or even worse, being neighbors with Canada? Fuck that shit, right?

The Yankees have tons of money, and they have done their best to ignore their funny-sounding neighbors since 1903, but eventually, you just get sick of putting up with someone else’s shit. Buttons have to be pressed. Changes have to be made. That effort took on a life of its own on Wednesday.

Here we have a scenario where the New York Yankees are now refusing to play baseball, all because of Canada. But, really, think of the situation, do you blame them?

Notice how the New York Yankees are officially blaming Canada? That’s a significant development in this longstanding battle. The Toronto Blue Jays, New York’s American League East rivals, had no comment. But how could they? Who would listen?

Enjoying The Laughs? Grab A Parody’s Nuts with The Official A Fly On The Ball Gear

Philadelphia Phillies Copy New York Yankees

Bless the Philadelphia Phillies’ hearts. They heard about New York’s strike against Canada and felt compelled to do the same. But you’ll notice, as tempting as it is, they didn’t try and shift their mess on Canada’s plate.

Although, while Philadelphia is bold, New York gets some additional brownie points for going balls to the wall. They don’t give a fuck. They straight-up blamed Canada.

Meanwhile, Philly? They’re just looking for an excuse for a day off. Do you know they play 162 fucking games? This is likely why the Phillies have boycotted the playoffs in 10 of the past 11 seasons.

Yet, going back to the original issue, is this really even Canada’s fault to begin with? After all, according to IQAir, “New York City’s air quality is officially the worst in the world.” Buzz McFly’s sources can back up these claims: 

“It’s fuckin bullshit out hea! Canada did it again! Can you believe it? There are some with the NERVE, the FUCKIN audacity, sayin we shouldn’t blame Canada? Some conspiracists are theorizin’ the what’s it called, ‘piss-poor air quality’? Yeah, they’re sayin’ it’s cuz of Jersey, you know, the people fartin cuz of the pizza and all that. But lemme tell ya, that ain’t it. I, and this is just between you and me, I don’t think I’ve farted all day, no, all week. Write that down. So yeah, I mean, New Yorkers aren’t even fartin’ anymore. This is all Canada, the proof is in the syrup. Oh, and go Yankees.“

Anonymous sources close to A Fly On A Ball’s Buzz McFly

Really? Not even farting anymore? That’s just not physically possible. Seriously, just look at this scene, and try and tell me with a straight face you haven’t farted all day, no, all week. We just don’t buy it. Shitty neighbors or not. 

This shit doesn’t check out. Something smells way, way off.

The Yankees had no issues choking down their own farts suffering through nine innings in a 3-2 loss to the Chicago White Sox when air quality levels were measured to be unhealthy on Tuesday, so what changed?

Did everyone go out for a post-game burger and brewski, making an unhealthy situation practically unlivable? Now the air quality is actually considered hazardous, which is the same thing they say about natural gases. See a correlation?

How about instead of blaming Canada, we, as a nation, think twice before lifting a cheek and letting ‘er rip? Is it really that difficult? Do we have to continue picking fights with our neighbors, as shitty as they are? As they say, whoever smelt it, dealt it. That’s day one shit.

Continue reading “New York Yankees Blame Canada for MLB Postponements With Claims of ‘Poor Air Quality’”

Why Do the Arizona Diamondbacks Keep Murdering Birds?

Harvey Ballbanger
Arizona Diamondbacks

What is it with the Arizona Diamondbacks and murdering birds? It’s clearly been a long-instilled principle of the franchise that was founded back in 1998. Yet their urges to commit violent acts managed to go unnoticed until 2001 when hitman Randy Johnson pulled off the crime of the century before millions of witnesses. 

Johnson used his flamethrowing fastball, which topped out at 102 mph, to absolutely blow up an anonymous bird. When tried to reach for comment, not a single birder doing a big year was willing to speak on the matter. 

Obviously, we are at the foot of a major coverup, folks.

Yet, the D-Bags seem to think everyone had forgotten about when Randy Johnson’d a bird and have found another crony willing to stoop to their levels. 

In his fifth season with the D-Backs, poor Zac Gallen has been caught red-handed trying to drastically reduce the population of the feathered flying critters. 

Check out this clip of Gallen totally Randy Johnsoning a bird during a pre-game warmup on May 17.

What’s really crazy, and how we KNOW something is fishy here, is that Gallen didn’t even take the mound that day. It was supposed to be his day off. 

So why is he randomly going around, putting on pre-game circus acts like he’s part of the Harlem Globetrotters? This season has proven we’re in Zac Gallen’s world, not one catered to the winged wankers.

Not all members of the Diamondbacks have completely bought into the organizational mantra, which, as you’re probably well aware, is to hunt birds. Yet, these snakes still managed to find two hired guns in Johnson and Gallen, to carry out their vision.

Johnson raked in a whopping $84 million from 1998-2005 with the Diamondbacks. Gallen is set to earn $5.6 million in 2023, but now that he’s thrown his way into the Randy Johnson bird club, is it enough?

Unlike the Arizona Diamondbacks, no birds were harmed in the making of this article. 

This article was 100% satire, and nothing you have read on this page should be taken seriously.

Enjoying The Laughs? Grab A Parody’s Nuts with The Official A Fly On The Ball Gear

Craving more Ballbangers? – Pop Warner Parent Bails on Son’s Football Game at Halftime After ‘Too Much Disappointment’