When you know, you know. That’s the case with the latest golden arm to drop out of the womb. That’s right. There’s another Manning in town.
First, it was Archie Manning. Then came his sons Peyton and Eli Manning. Later, the grandson, Arch Manning, son of Cooper. Now another legend has been crafted.
Sure, this newest Manning may still be in the infant stage, but he’s already under the spotlight, thanks to signing the largest Name, Image, and Likeness (NIL) endorsement deal in sports history.
The actual terms of the agreement have not yet been disclosed, but it’s clear we have another winner here, folks. The five-star recruit is already projected to be the No. 1 pick in the 2044 NFL Draft by the Cleveland Browns or Detroit Lions if they’re still allowed to continue their attempt at avoiding their first Super Bowl appearance.
Yet, there’s always hope of this Manning phenom pulling an Eli power move, refusing to play for such a shitty franchise like the Los Angeles Chargers.
For now, all we can do is plan to save up for front-row tickets to all his football sporting events. It is not yet known which elementary school he will attend, but you can imagine the enticing offers he’s already considering from programs across the nation.
From there, Manning will have to pick a high school (likely Isidore Newman School, who’s already prepared a locker) and eventually a college. But there is talk about him being grandfathered into the NFL immediately following his high school career. If so, it would be an NFL first.
But this is a Manning we’re talking about. This isn’t your average geek off the street.
They say he already knew how to grip an NFL-sized football and actually demanded a pigskin once he came to, following his birth. We’ve even heard tell that the little fella was born with a helmet already strapped, ready to go, coach.
Peyton Manning was able to memorize the entire Indianapolis Colts playbook just a week after he’d been drafted. But the Manning baby was born with all that knowledge already in his dangerously oversized reddened forehead.
Obviously, there are privacy protections in place, so we cannot provide the little tucker’s full name or even an image, but sources say this kid’s built like a Manning. Whatever that means.
If we ask Peyton, The Sheriff will probably tell you it means he has a “laser-rocket arm,” and who would we be to disagree with a two-time Super Bowl winner? Let’s just hope the newest Manning’s training sessions go a bit better than the last time a few highly-touted recruits tried to go through a workout with Peyton. Let’s just say they didn’t make it.
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From a clear lack of awareness to completely blanking in the athleticism department, those losers just didn’t have what it takes. Not a single one of those ‘prospects’ ever received another tryout again. Tough crowd.
But there’s already talk of baby Manning stepping into his cleats as the greatest quarterback the world has ever seen. Chances are, however many millions or billions Manning’s NIL deal pays, it likely isn’t enough, not for the goat.
If you’re sick of watching pathetic QB play from your favorite team, have no fear. Pretty soon, another Manning will be here. And we can’t wait for him to wreak havoc against Bill Belichick and the Patriots for years to come. I just hope I’m alive to see it.
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Harvey Ballbanger loves to shoot the shit. If he were bigger, he’d probably be a baller. Hell, if he hadn’t gotten a wing clipped, he’d be Ballbangin’ for the NFL right now, messing around with triple-doubles in his downtime in the NBA. But that isn’t the case. Instead, Ballbanger’s letting it all hang out, delivering fresh piles, from one throne to another.
