Highlights From Accomplished NFL Career Cements Prestigious Honor For LT
If you are lucky enough to remember the 1986 Super Bowl Champion New York Giants, then Lawrence Taylor needs no introduction to you. LT was an absolute wrecking ball throughout the 1985 season on the football field. Sadly, many fans still don’t understand the toll that championship season had on Taylor.
New York Giants head coach Bill Parcells assembled a stellar staff of coaches for the 1985 NFL season, including pegging Bill Belichick as his defensive coordinator. 1985 was Belichick’s first season as the defensive coordinator of the Giants, he had already been a linebacker and special teams coach with Big Blue since 1979 up to that point.
Of course, much of Belichick’s rapid ascension in the NFL’s pecking order can probably be attributed to Lawrence Taylor’s otherworldly performance on the field. Despite Belichick’s massive success since those days, that fact has not been lost on old Bill over the years.
To this day, Bill Belichick still insists Lawrence Taylor is the greatest defensive player in the history of the NFL. Who are you to argue with the GOAT of modern head coaches? Even if you tried to make a case for somebody else, you’d lose all credibility debating against Belichick wearing a hoodie with the sleeves ripped off like a dollar store special. To quote Kendrick Lamar, “Sit down. Be humble.”
You don’t have to be a football guru to see Lawrence Taylor played like a man possessed by something on the football field. Just check out any LT highlight reel while you do a little line dancing of your own so you can feel the impact of every bone-crunching big hit.
If you want proof that cocaine fueled Taylor to a Hall Of Fame football career, it’s all right here. As a personal hero of mine, LT’s story inspires me to seek a big ol’ pile of blow to land in and see if a goddamn fly can make it in the NFL. It’s time for old Buzz McFly to hit the shake weight room.
Unfortunately, according to Taylor, Buzz McFly wouldn’t get away with it:
”If I were Joe Blow, okay, there’d be the slammer or some midnight trip to Betty Ford’s farm. It was almost a thrill in itself knowing that people knew what I was doing and wouldn’t do a damn thing to stop me.”
– Lawrence Taylor On His Cocaine Use
The truth is, nobody could stop LT with or without the blow. He was the dictionary definition of unstoppable and would probably still be playing if not for that damn ruptured Achilles on November 8, 1992. If that bums you out a bit, you can always get a quick pick-me-up from LT’s famous Motivational Speech Dust:
Nevermind all that, this year’s award is all about celebrating Lawrence Taylor’s accomplishments while under the influence of America’s favorite cake-eater pastime, yayo. Previous winners of the prestigious Snowtime Achievement Award include Rick James, John Belushi, and the Dallas Cowboys.
Insiders say LT is a shoo-in to bring the Snowtime Achievement Award home following this year’s ceremony. The banquet features tables with mirrored surfaces, complimentary mock credit cards, and a menu consisting of bumps, eight-balls, lines, grams, or kilos. Rumor has it LT is already preparing his lines for the acceptance speech.
A similar one-thousand-dollar-per-plate snortasbord dinner was held in 1980. That’s when Richard Pryor took the Snowtime Achievement Award home following his stellar snow-fueled performance in Stir Crazy co-starring Gene Wilder.
It is still unclear whether it was George Jung of Blow fame or the CIA supplying the nose candy for that memorable event. Many suspect it was a combination of both but chances are we’ll never know. History was rewritten, then redacted and buried on that subject a long time ago. There’s nothing a little dust up can’t fix, right?
Some say the Snow Bowls of the 1980s were really just a distraction from what was really going on. Hey, no judgement here, after all, it was the fuckin’ 80s, man. Go back and watch all the Snow Bowls from the 80s and 90s. You’d find a lot more than just hard-nosed, old-school football if you were A Fly On The Ball back in the day.
As for the upcoming 2023 Snowtime Achievement Award, this is actually not the first time Lawrence Taylor has been nominated. He has faced stiff competition while chasing the elusive honor including losing the award by a slim margin to the likes of Drew Barrymore, Stephen King, and Chris Farley in years past.
It’s no secret the world is full of cokeheads. Hell, even Sigmund Freud, Thomas Edison, and George W. Bush got down. What did those blowhards ever do that’s more impressive than what LT accomplished on the field and in Tecmo Bowl? That’s right, absolutely nothing.
It’s time to make things right. Give Lawrence Taylor his well-deserved white jacket this year, although he faces a formidable opponent in former Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Michael Irvin. If anyone else out there thinks they deserve the Snowtime Achievement Award over the GOAT Lawrence Taylor, another quote from the great Kendrick Lamar seems appropriate here, “Bitch, be humble.”
No matter who you are, you’ll never be Lawrence Taylor. No one will according to Belichick. I think we all owe a bit of gratitude to cocaine for that. ‘Tis the season for a little fucking gratitude, dude. *sniffles* It’s snowtime, baby!
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Buzz McFly hears all the latest buzz through his impressive network consisting of millions of flies swarming near every pile of shit in the entire world. When shit goes down, Buzz has eyes on the scene waiting to bask in the latest filth and dirt. Growing up an avid sports fan, his credibility in the field is second to none. He comes from a long line of spectator sporting event reporters willing to lay it all on the line for a fresh scoop of the latest news before it breaks wind anywhere else.
