3 Things Bill Belichick Doesn’t Understand About Special Teams

Harvey Ballbanger
Bill Belichick

Typically at A Fly On The Ball, all our content is produced by either Harvey Ballbanger or Buzz McFly. Today we have a fan submission by an M. Slater from Boston. He titled it ‘3 Things Bill Belichick Doesn’t Understand About Special Teams’. So without further ado, here is the passionate work written by a Mr. Slater from Boston. 

Left-Footed Punters Aren’t That Special

For some reason, coach has a big hard-on for these left-footed punters, but I don’t see it. You should see these guys in practice. They’re just weird. 

As a casual NFL fan, you may not notice, but most, well, 99% of punters kick with their right foot. For some reason, Belichick actually seeks out players who would prefer to fuck around with their weird foot instead. 

Imagine trying to throw a football left-handed. It just doesn’t work. Everyone wants to know why we aren’t winning Super Bowls since Tom Brady finally realized coach was holding him back, and well, it’s obviously the punting. 

You can try and innovate as much as you want, but football is still football, and kicking with your left foot just doesn’t belong in the game today. It never did. It’s time for the New England Patriots to catch up with the rest of the world too.  For fuck’s sake, use the right foot.

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You Can Throw the Ball on Kicks and Punts Too

One thing that coach Belichick seems to have completely forgotten about, despite my constant reminders on the sidelines, is that NFL rules allow us to throw the ball on special teams plays too. This includes on kickoffs and punts, as long as you don’t throw past the line of scrimmage. 

Even though coach Joe Judge has us spend 85% of our practices on trick special teams plays, Belichick’s never had the balls to let him pull one off during a game, and it’s a damn shame. This team is losing its wow factor, and Mac Jones obviously isn’t the solution. 

Belichick doesn’t seem to comprehend the idea of trying to catch your opponent off guard. Believe it or not, football is a game of strategy, and coach has never had much of an understanding when it comes to besting your opponent, no matter what it takes. 

Little does he know, you can complete passes instead of punting the ball back to the other team like a pansy when all other options fail. Especially with a future Hall of Fame All-Pro wide receiver like Matthew Slater split out wide. That guy is a ten-time Pro Bowl talent, and despite only having one catch in his 15-year career, he can fucking ball. 

Besides, what’s the worst that could happen? We used to throw the ball all the time with Brady, but who needs him? We still have Matthew Slater! It’s time to utilize the soon-to-be 38-year-old’s skills all over the field before he seeks a massive payday elsewhere. 

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Special Teamers Can Be Just as Good as Starters

The Patriots would be wise to start using players such as Matt Slater, for example, as their go-to option on offense. He’s already proven to be, as coach said, one of the best NFL players of all time, so why not give him that featured role you’ve been promising since I was a rookie back in 2008?

Everyone knows special teamers can be just as good as starters and, in this case, likely better. We don’t have anyone with as polished of a football résumé as Slater does. Who else can say they’ve been to ten Pro Bowls, been named to two All-Pro teams, and have three Super Bowl rings on their finger? No one. 

This is just the tip of the iceberg. I could write a novel, going in-depth about all the things coach Belichick just doesn’t understand about special teams, but I have to get back to practice now.

We’re working on fielding left-footed punters again today, for the 10th fucking day in a row. Damn, coach loves to blow that fuckin’ whistle. Gotta go…


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Harvey Ballbanger
Harvey Ballbanger
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Harvey Ballbanger loves to shoot the shit. If he were bigger, he’d probably be a baller. Hell, if he hadn’t gotten a wing clipped, he’d be Ballbangin’ for the NFL right now, messing around with triple-doubles in his downtime in the NBA. But that isn’t the case. Instead, Ballbanger’s letting it all hang out, delivering fresh piles, from one throne to another.

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