2023-2024 Minnesota Timberwolves Prove We Are Living in an Alternate Timeline

December 3, 2023December 7, 2023 Buzz McFly

Wolves in First Place in Western Conference NBA Standings

In case you’ve been living under a rock or spending too much time in the multiverse, the 2023-24 NBA Season is in full swing. With almost a quarter of the games already in the books, an interesting tinfoil hat theory is emerging from certain conspiracy circles. Why? Because the Minnesota Timberwolves currently are sitting alone atop the NBA’s Western Conference Standings with a record of 15-4.

Something just isn’t adding up here. Historically speaking, the Minnesota Timberwolves are the least successful team in the entire history of the NBA. With an all-time winning percentage of .402, the Wolves have not even been capable of playing .500 ball. Pathetic.

At the time of this article, the Timberwolves have won 1,091 games in their history while managing to lose 1,621 games. Even the Los Angeles Clippers have a higher all-time winning percentage of .419 and they’re complete losers.

What’s even worse is how the Timberwolves were a once-great franchise capable of playing with pride while packing the Target Center with balls-to-the-walls fans screaming their Minnesota Nice hearts out. When the Big Ticket was slapping the hardwood and pounding his chest, the house was always packed.

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How Stephen Curry Ruined the NBA

July 6, 2023September 21, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

A few people think Stephen Curry is good for the NBA, but they couldn’t be more wrong. While it’s true that Curry changed basketball, we can all agree he hasn’t positively influenced the game.

Chef Curry has completely wrecked the future of basketball. We may not see it yet, but eventually, there will be no more dunkers. The Dunk Contest? We’re already seeing it phased out. When was the last time you saw a truly jaw-dropping dunk?

It’s because no one even knows how to throw it down anymore. Think about it. The young generation is smart. They can do basic math. For everyone else, the numbers don’t quite match up. Here’s why:

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One NBA Free Agency Signing Every Team Needs To Make

June 29, 2023September 21, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger and Buzz McFly

There can only be one winner. This year, it was the Denver Nuggets, but now even the defending champions face massive challenges heading into NBA free agency.

For teams who didn’t make a splash in the NBA draft or via trade, the free agent market is the next best option. This year’s crop of talent includes a lot of key players, like James Harden and Kyrie Irving. But there’s a wide collection of athletes who have largely snuck under the radar and can help win an NBA championship next season.

Here is one realistic NBA free agency signing every team needs to make this summer. Is there a name we missed? Or perhaps a player who you feel is a better fit for your favorite team? Let us know in the comment section below.

Atlanta Hawks

D’Angelo Russell

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LeBron James Absolutely Prefers Watching NBA Finals Over Competing at 38 Years Old

June 2, 2023September 21, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

For the tenth time in his career, LeBron James has chosen not to participate in the NBA Finals. With four championship rings sitting at home, you won’t hear even a buzz of the 19-time All-Star being interested in another NBA title run any time soon.

After the Los Angeles Lakers’ 58th failure to win an NBA championship, the complacent James is once again gleefully settling back into his imprinted couch groove, where he could be found in each of the past three years, an annual trend at this point in the former high school great’s career.

Despite the NBA’s desire for James to play on the Association’s biggest stage, evidenced by the Lakers having the highest free throw differential in 2023, this is a player-driven league. The Lakers have enough titles, and James isn’t in it for the accolades. He’s made that clear several times.

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Nothing LeBron James Would Rather Do Than Watch NBA Finals

At this point, after being in the league for 20 seasons, there is nothing James would rather do than watch the NBA Finals instead of competing for a chance to win another clunky championship ring.

After all, he’s managed to avoid having to lift the roughly 30-pound Larry O’Brien Trophy in 16-of-20 NBA seasons. Now 38 years old, that additional day of lifting takes a true toll on the wilting former Florida resident.

Life hasn’t been entirely miserable for James since Adam Silver took over as commissioner from David Stern in 2014. Under Silver’s control, James has only had to lift the NBA Finals Trophy once. Meanwhile, James’ hand was forced three times under Stern’s narrative.

Somehow, Silver fooled the public in 2020, sneaking everyone away to a concealed bubble and rigging the system so James had to take the trophy home one last time. But the former Cleveland Cavaliers’ No. 1 pick hadn’t forgotten his roots.

Later, in 2023, when the Lakers would be locked into paying him $44.4 million whether James led L.A. to an NBA Finals appearance or not, LBJ finally put his foot down and made sure the Lakers wouldn’t stand a chance of advancing to the final stage by once again putting together a roster of misfits.

The thing is, he already played 55 games during the regular season and 16 more in the playoffs. Anything more than that, and James runs the risk of nearly playing a full 82-game season. That’s just not enticing for the 2004 NBA Rookie of the Year. Where’s the incentive?

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James Less Grumpy When He Can Rest in June

Besides, based on several local ballbangers close to the situation, James is emotionally in a much better place when he can get his rest days at the start of June when the NBA’s best are playing for a chance at a title.

James is a massive basketball fan, and June is when enthusiasts can tune into the biggest NBA event of the season. Who wouldn’t want to be in your element (for James, that’s at home) during one of the most-anticipated matchups of the year? That’s when the greats are at work.

Of course, James’ early vacation is in addition to taking several millennial days off in-season, where the Akron, Ohio native has masterfully gone 19 years without playing all 82 games.

Instead of being forced to play by the league office, James gets to enjoy a few brewskis with the fellas or just get couch-locked when the edibles kick in as he sails smoothly into the evening while binge-watching something on Netflix.

The Chosen One lives on his own terms. Jumping when he chooses, firing teammates on sight, and making trades when someone gets too close to uncovering his plot. These are the facts.

James may return to the NBA Finals later in his career, but it won’t be by choice. He’d much rather be at home, watching the greatest athletes of our generation put it all on the line as they chase their dream, making the kind of memories true fans of the game will never be able to forget instead.

As we know, sitting out of the Finals is what he’s best at, even if he’s led some misinformed sports ‘fans’ to believe otherwise. And that’s why LeBron James is the GOAT.

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Tag: Los Angeles Lakers