The Everlasting Ballstopper: New James Harden Candy Coming Soon!

The Everlasting Ballstopper New James Harden Candy Coming Soon meme post final version

It’s no secret that Willy Wonka changed the game when it comes to sugar and candy. That’s why the famous candy gods chose to name their newest scrumtrulescent creation after James Harden of the Los Angeles Clippers.

Coming soon to a convenience store near you is the Everlasting Ballstopper, a new gob-stopping flavor dropped in collaboration between Willy Wonka and James Harden. This new designer candy is fire.

When A Fly On The Ball reached out to Willy Wonka with questions regarding why they chose Harden as inspiration for their new Everlasting Ballstopper candy, the candy-czar’s response was short and sweet:

“Game recognize game.”

– Willy Wonka on Harden’s Contribution to the Everlasting Ballstopper

Wonka originally scheduled a night out on the town in Los Angeles to catch a Clippers game but the big Hollywood star is always so busy. As a result, A Fly On The Ball had the privilege to catch a Clippers game in Wonka’s suite along with some of the top-performing Oompa Loompas within the company.

Thanks to Wonka’s generous open-bar policy, there were unlimited drinks and sweets on hand. By sticking around, A Fly On The Ball was able to catch some interesting behind-the-scenes tidbits regarding how Wonka originally came up with the idea for the Everlasting Ballstopper.

There was one Oompa Loompa in particular, Iggywumpus Guzzle-Gloop, who had an affinity for Snozberry Schnapps. So, ol’ Buzz McFly slipped the bartender a 20 and told him to “keep ’em comin!” He obliged. By the time the third quarter rolled around, a nightmarish sugar buzz was in full swing while the booze was encouraging loose lips. Journalism 101.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Iggywumpus went all Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds while deciding to drop a few tabs under the blue moon. Finally, a golden ticket to the Everlasting Ballstopper story. The details were about to get juicy.

Iggywumpus Guzzle-Gloop Oompa Loompa Drops Acid
Continue reading “The Everlasting Ballstopper: New James Harden Candy Coming Soon!”

2023-2024 Minnesota Timberwolves Prove We Are Living in an Alternate Timeline

2023-2024 Minnesota Timberwolves Prove We Are Living in an Alternate Timeline Meme

Wolves in First Place in Western Conference NBA Standings

In case you’ve been living under a rock or spending too much time in the multiverse, the 2023-24 NBA Season is in full swing. With almost a quarter of the games already in the books, an interesting tinfoil hat theory is emerging from certain conspiracy circles. Why? Because the Minnesota Timberwolves currently are sitting alone atop the NBA’s Western Conference Standings with a record of 15-4.

Something just isn’t adding up here. Historically speaking, the Minnesota Timberwolves are the least successful team in the entire history of the NBA. With an all-time winning percentage of .402, the Wolves have not even been capable of playing .500 ball. Pathetic.

At the time of this article, the Timberwolves have won 1,091 games in their history while managing to lose 1,621 games. Even the Los Angeles Clippers have a higher all-time winning percentage of .419 and they’re complete losers.

What’s even worse is how the Timberwolves were a once-great franchise capable of playing with pride while packing the Target Center with balls-to-the-walls fans screaming their Minnesota Nice hearts out. When the Big Ticket was slapping the hardwood and pounding his chest, the house was always packed. 

Continue reading “2023-2024 Minnesota Timberwolves Prove We Are Living in an Alternate Timeline”

James Harden on Los Angeles Clippers’ Struggles: Don’t Blame Me, It’s the System

James Harden

Seven-time All-NBA guard James Harden is a very good basketball player. He’s a former MVP winner, a ten-time All-Star, and a three-time scoring champion. Some might even say he is the system

But not last year, when Harden had to play second fiddle while teammate Joel Embiid stole the spotlight by winning NBA MVP instead. For the first time since 2012, Harden didn’t even make an All-Star team. It wasn’t a good look for The Beard. 

Continue reading “James Harden on Los Angeles Clippers’ Struggles: Don’t Blame Me, It’s the System”

One NBA Free Agency Signing Every Team Needs To Make

NBA free agency

There can only be one winner. This year, it was the Denver Nuggets, but now even the defending champions face massive challenges heading into NBA free agency. 

For teams who didn’t make a splash in the NBA draft or via trade, the free agent market is the next best option. This year’s crop of talent includes a lot of key players, like James Harden and Kyrie Irving. But there’s a wide collection of athletes who have largely snuck under the radar and can help win an NBA championship next season.

Here is one realistic NBA free agency signing every team needs to make this summer. Is there a name we missed? Or perhaps a player who you feel is a better fit for your favorite team? Let us know in the comment section below. 

Atlanta Hawks

  • D’Angelo Russell
Continue reading “One NBA Free Agency Signing Every Team Needs To Make”