Rookie Driver Wins His First Ever NASCAR Cup Series Race Without Even Trying
A Fly On The Ball would like to congratulate Shane van Gisbergen on becoming the first driver since 1963 to win his inaugural NASCAR race. Van Gisbergen proved to the entire world that NASCAR racing is not very difficult at all.
Like a real-life version of Days of Thunder, Shane van Gisbergen had never driven a stock car in a NASCAR race before July 2, 2023.
He was cruising around Chicago when he literally rolled up in his hot-rodded Chevy Camaro ZL1, asking if he could enter the race. Since NASCAR is always looking for more amateur drivers, they obliged.
Other crews were seen laughing and some of them were trying to figure out if he had an Australian accent or if he was British. All they knew is, this guy is not American, so there is NO WAY he could win a NASCAR race.
As word began spreading that Shane van Gisbergen was from New Zealand, all the other pit crews were scrambling to find maps of Chicago to figure out exactly where New Zealand was. By the time the 69th lap came around, not a single NASCAR pit crew had been able to locate New Zealand on their Chicago maps.
Who doesn’t love a good 69? The right driver knows this is exactly when you have to make your move if you plan on finishing first tonight.
This was the moment van Gisbergen had been waiting for all race long. He seized the opportunity while making some smartass remark to his own pit crew that the others “should have used fucking Google maps like the rest of the world!”
Other than that, the race was held in perfectly normal driving conditions on a very dry day. Weather was a non-factor in today’s race. As a result, a lot of the racers and their crews wanted to hit the beach before sunset, so NASCAR decided to shave 25 laps off the race.
This means that, instead of 100 laps, racers only needed to complete 75 laps to place in the event. Clearly, this is a no-excuses, no-asterisk kind of victory for Shane van Gisbergen and the Trackhouse Racing team. Way to go!
In order to further congratulate Shane van Gisbergen and the Quad Lock team on their big V, we would like to extend these inspirational quotes from motorsport racing legends of yesteryear:
“Ask any racer. Any real racer. It don’t matter if you win by an inch or a mile. Winning’s winning.”
– Dominic Toretto
“If you ain’t first, you’re last.”
– Ricky Bobby
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Buzz McFly hears all the latest buzz through his impressive network consisting of millions of flies swarming near every pile of shit in the entire world. When shit goes down, Buzz has eyes on the scene waiting to bask in the latest filth and dirt. Growing up an avid sports fan, his credibility in the field is second to none. He comes from a long line of spectator sporting event reporters willing to lay it all on the line for a fresh scoop of the latest news before it breaks wind anywhere else.
