Draymond Green’s Punch-Out!!

It’s another day that ends with the letter Y which means it’s another opportunity for Draymond Green to tarnish whatever he thinks his legacy is. To say Green has been out of control lately would be an understatement. Plenty of people are already saying the Golden State Warriors would be better off without Green’s costly distractions, behavior, and off-court drama.

There are even a few voices calling for the NBA to issue a lifetime ban to Green after his latest fiasco. Why not? If Pete Rose can still be banned from baseball after legalizing sports gambling, why not throw the book at this bozo, Draymond Green? Adam Silver has already issued an indefinite suspension for Green’s latest low blow to the NBA’s non-violent public relations effort.

It’s clear the NBA has a discipline problem, they are not coming down hard enough on players such as Ja Morant of the Memphis Grizzlies and Draymond. Players think they can do whatever they want, including brandishing weapons in public or physically ambushing other players on the basketball court, because there are no consequences.

Speaking of Morant, in a matter of only one month, Green has made the entire NBA community completely forget about how immature Ja is. It all began when Draymond Green put Rudy Gobert of the Minnesota Timberwolves in a headlock during a matchup on November 14:

You only need to watch the replay once to see Gobert was going in to break up an altercation when Green comes flying in, like a bat out of hell, to intentionally chokehold Rudy. This was clearly pre-meditated by Draymond, he was waiting like a snake in the grass for the right moment to strike. 

Fortunately for Gobert’s well-being, Green’s attempt to render Gobzilla unconscious was unsuccessful. Green was ejected, the Wolves went on to win the game while Adam Silver’s gavel suspended Draymond for only five games. Do you think Green learned his lesson? Of course not!

Imagine if one of your co-workers put one of your company’s employees from another branch in a chokehold. Would they lose their job for life or be sent home for a week? Exactly. Instead of banning Green for the season to at least make him think about what he did, the NBA merely made him take a time-out in his room where he has access to the internet to continue his off-court life as a troll.

When Green emerged from the woodworks after his five-game time-out, it was less than a month before he was back up to his old tricks again. It’s no secret that Draymond Green has some of the thinnest skin in the history of the world. He can dish out all the criticism in the world but he can’t take a little heat in the spirit of competition.

Instead of chirping back or letting his game speak for itself, Green has to take swings at players while trying to invoke physical altercations. While it is sad to see the overnight collapse of this once-dynastic Warriors team, there is absolutely no excuse for Green’s behavior. It’s over, dude, time to move on. Your time in the NBA is up.

Then, as his physical abilities are rapidly declining, Green can no longer stop anybody on the court anymore. Naturally, this is frustrating for a no-talent assclown like Green who has been handed team success thanks to playing alongside Steph Curry. Green is obviously struggling to cope with the fact that he’s destined to be a loser for the rest of his life now. This is why he tried to punch Jusuf Nurkić of the Phoenix Suns on December 12, 2023:

Star and big-name NBA players have no severe consequences for their actions whatsoever which only creates repeat offenders. When a player has psychopathic violent tendencies such as Green, his behavior is only going to become more aggressive over time until another Malice at the Palace happens.

The NBA can’t afford to take that publicity risk right now, there’s too much heat on them. Every time a punch is thrown, the NBA acts like it’s the first time it has ever seen a brawl break out in game.

Of course, that couldn’t be further from the truth. For example, who could forget the great Bill Laimbeer versus Brad Daugherty title bout of 1989? Fun fact, the dispute was actually over a fart that Laimbeer insists wasn’t dealt by him, to this day.

Yet, in 2023, every time a punch is thrown, the Association and media outcry acts like the footage is something you would see if you were watching the NBA’s version of Gordy’s Home Massacre. The next thing you know, the NBA will try to get ahead of the problem by replacing human beings with modified high-performance ChatGPT athletes, the future of sports.

Nope. Don’t let it happen, NBA. Nobody wants to see cyborg basketball players yet, save that kind of bloodsport for Speedball 2: Brutal Deluxe.

Go ahead, NBA. Get your formal knee-jerk over-reaction shaming statement and official punishment out front, in public view. Make sure everyone can feel guilt-free about buying another NBA ticket or product as soon as possible while gathering to throw more stones at Green.

That’s right, courts of public opinion, it’s time to issue a lifetime ban for Draymond Green before things really get out of hand. Get your cancel culture ready, it’s brew time for anyone named Karen this morning.

For everyone else, don’t worry about Green, it sounds like he has a future full of losing bouts in boxing or the UFC. There’s already talk of a new video game in the works called Draymond Green’s Punch-Out!! 

Rumor has it, the final boss is an animated caricature of Adam Silver who is pretty tough to beat. Since you are forced to use Draymond Green as your Little Mac fighter, no player has found a way to even knock Silver down yet, let alone defeat him. Silver wins via KO every time, just like in real life.

Like the original version of the game, Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!!, there are no save points, checkpoints, or continuation passwords. Once you finally make it all the way through Draymond Green’s Punch-Out!! to face the final boss, Adam Silver, this is what happens to you every single time:

A Fly On The Ball can’t wait to give it a whirl! In the meantime, Green sounds like he will have plenty of time to play his new video game while thinking about what he did. Shame on you, Draymond. Shame on you. Bench-clearing brawls have no place in the NBA anymore. That era passed you by. It’s time to stop living in the past, man.

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Buzz McFly

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Buzz McFly hears all the latest buzz through his impressive network consisting of millions of flies swarming near every pile of shit in the entire world. When shit goes down, Buzz has eyes on the scene waiting to bask in the latest filth and dirt. Growing up an avid sports fan, his credibility in the field is second to none. He comes from a long line of spectator sporting event reporters willing to lay it all on the line for a fresh scoop of the latest news before it breaks wind anywhere else.

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