Chicago Bears Privately Admitting Caleb Williams Is A Bust

Harvey Ballbanger
Caleb Williams, Caleb Williams Is A Bust

Caleb Williams Is A Bust, And The Chicago Bears Know It

So, you think Caleb Williams is a generational talent, do ya? You couldn’t be more wrong. 

There’s a new cub in town, and it goes by Caleb Williams. Unlike the bear John Candy wrestled with in The Great Outdoors, this furry creature isn’t very grand. But don’t tell that to the Chicago Bears. 

For reasons no one can understand, the Bears are acting as if they’ve already won the Super Bowl. Many of them, actually. 

Is Caleb Williams The Best Chicago Bears Quarterback Ever?

Caleb Williams is either the greatest quarterback in NFL history. Or, he isn’t. It’s that simple. The Bears know which version they have, but do you?

A Fly On The Ball does. The cold, hard truth is that Williams ain’t shit. Anyone who can’t see it doesn’t know ball. My grandma is a better scout, and she always knows who’s pitching for the Bears.

But we like to share our knowledge with the lowlifes—no, not Packers fans in this case. Instead, we’re here to take Bears fans to school because we know they don’t have a proper education. After all, they’re Bears fans. 

We’ll let you in on a little secret. This isn’t a special player. This cub couldn’t even hold Mitchell Trubisky’s jockstrap. Not with that malformed hand condition. Yet, the Bears looked past all his irregularities, all his flaws, and saw a franchise quarterback. 

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Think about it, a player hyped up as the No. 1 pick for how many years? Yet, somehow, the Bears were the luckiest franchise of all? Get real. 

Uncharacteristically, this time, it didn’t happen because the Bears sucked more than everyone else. Instead, David Tepper’s Carolina Panthers became a laughingstock after trading their 2024 first-round pick to select future Hall of Famer Bryce Young. That trade worked out very well. 

Who needs Sid Luckman when you have Caleb Williams? One has a gold jacket, and one has golden-painted nails. What’s the difference?

Now that football’s in the air, some are buying the hype. Yet, internally, the Bears know they have nothing to sell. These are damaged goods, and they were never that good. 

But that hasn’t stopped Bears fans from blowing each other in excitement. What a sticky situation. Publicly, the Bears are trying to save face. Privately? They know they’re fucked.

The Bears dreamt of getting a Hall of Fame QB by taking a former USC superstar. His knack for turning broken plays into touchdowns drew comparisons to Patrick Mahomes II. What a tale.

Yet, now that Chicago has finally gotten a chance to properly evaluate the Bears’ ‘franchise quarterback,’ they’re realizing they have a big problem on their paws. Even if they couldn’t before, now Chicago’s entire front office and coaching staff (except Ryan Poles and Matt Eberflus) can see the issue. Unfortunately, it cannot be fixed. 

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Secrets Of Halas Hall?

The biggest secret inside Halas Hall is that Caleb Williams can’t even properly grip an NFL-sized football. His right hand is permanently stuck in place, clenched into a grabbing position. But they’re trying to brush his condition off by coining it as some celebratory gesture for joining the Bears pack, called “The Claw.” What’s sad is that no one has the cojones to come clean.

He’s just 22 years old, he has his whole life ahead of him. Unfortunately, his life won’t have anything to do with playing football. But we shouldn’t call attention to this young man’s physical disorder. We here at A Fly On The Ball think that’s downright disrespectful, yet the Bears’ social media team operates differently. 

These corporate fatcats want you to just sit back quietly and ignore all the red flags. Eventually, the Bears won’t be able to cower in fear anymore, they’ll have to come out of their caves and admit that this guy’s a big phony. 

Thankfully, there is still a small faction of honest journalists out there who won’t stop buzzing until they get to the bottom of the pile. I, Harvey Ballbanger, am one of them. We would never lead you astray. Everything you read here can be taken as gospel. 

We would have revealed the results of our fact-finding discovery earlier, but not even A Fly On The Ball had a small enough heart to disappoint Bears fans after the best offseason in franchise history. But facts are facts, and the truth is, the Chicago Bears already know Caleb Williams is a bust. It’s time the fans know the full story too. 

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Chicago Bears Were Sold Bad Beans, But Caleb Williams Has A Bright Future

No one wants to admit they’ve been sold a bag of magic beans. Except, this bag of balls won’t grow you a beanstalk, and they’re not magical. Instead, the Bears invested in the frontman of an ‘influencer’ boy band, but that’s not Justin Timberlake out there. It’s not even a has-been, Williams is a never-will-be. 

He’s not a generational talent. Caleb Williams is the biggest NFL Draft bust of all time. It’s time you see it for yourself. 

What the Bears do have, is a glorified custodian, a very expensive one at that. 

The best-case scenario for the Bears is that if he keeps it up long enough, Williams might just be able to work his way into janitorial management. But first, Williams will have to straighten out that bear claw. Otherwise, Williams will never command the staff’s respect if he can’t even work a mop without sloshing water all over the place. That wouldn’t do anyone any good. But neither would allowing him to make a fool out of himself as an ‘NFL quarterback.’ It’s time to end this ruse before anyone gets hurt. 

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Harvey Ballbanger
Harvey Ballbanger
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Harvey Ballbanger loves to shoot the shit. If he were bigger, he’d probably be a baller. Hell, if he hadn’t gotten a wing clipped, he’d be Ballbangin’ for the NFL right now, messing around with triple-doubles in his downtime in the NBA. But that isn’t the case. Instead, Ballbanger’s letting it all hang out, delivering fresh piles, from one throne to another.

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