Category: Tweets Of Shame

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4 Reasons Why Skip Bayless Is Full of Shit

Buzz McFly
Skip Bayless Is Full of Shit

Few things can spike ratings more than controversy, which is literally the only reason Skip Bayless still has a job on television. At a time when ESPN is slashing payroll faster than it takes Michael Myers to find his knife, the freakshow Bayless is somehow commanding a ridiculous salary from FOX Sports.

Skip Bayless is known for his hot takes that sound like they were schemed by a psychopathic contrarian, just to gauge reactions. In modern times, these controversial takes make waves while the entire world looks to Twitter or wherever the Scarecrow talking head is spewing his bullshit.

The irony here is that Skip actually thinks he is a well-liked guy with popular opinions. That couldn’t be further from the truth. In reality, the whole world is actually making fun of Bayless, not laughing with him.

When it comes to pretty much anything, this guy is the dictionary definition of a shithead. Here are the 4 reasons why Skip Bayless is full of shit:

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Proof That Roger Goodell Is Actually a Clown

Buzz McFly
Roger Goodell is Stokoe the Clown

From getting booed at every single NFL Draft to drawing the ire of Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, it’s clear that absolutely nobody in the entire world respects or likes Roger Goodell. It seems as though other NFL owners are beginning to form a coup against Goodell as Jolly Roger’s welcome is wearing thin.

Appointed as the commissioner in 2006 by default, Goodell literally fell ass-backward into the sport’s most elusive gig: being the ultimate ball-licker to billionaires. Have you ever tasted the salty sweetness of billionaire balls? Well, Roger Goodell has, and he keeps lining up for more.

When legendary Hall of Fame commish Paul Tagliabue retired in 2006, a massive void was left behind. There was no doubt it was going to be impossible to fill Paul’s shoes. From 1989 to 2006, he oversaw one of the greatest eras in the history of football. 

During this time, Paul allowed the John Madden video game franchise to raise the sport to new heights forever. That move alone catapulted football in front of baseball as America’s new favorite pastime, and nobody is interested in looking back anymore. Once steroids left baseball, people stopped watching.

However, the NFL is not as dumb as they look. They had a plan grooming for Paul’s eventual replacement long before Tagliabue ever became the commish. This leads us to the very first of three conclusive pieces of evidence providing proof that Roger Goodell is actually a clown:

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MLB Teams Eyeing Shohei Ohtani Trade

Buzz McFly
Shohei Ohtani - A Fly On The Ball

The Race for Baseball’s Best Two-Way Player Since Babe Ruth Is On

Major League Baseball is about a month away from its annual trade deadline. For the 2023 MLB season, the trade deadline is August 1st. Every single year there are teams trying to buy a World Series Championship at the trade deadline, but history has proven that rarely works. This year, every team in baseball should be calling the Angels about their asking price for Shohei Ohtani.

Insightful advanced analytics provided by A Fly On The Ball’s team of Swamp Nuts suggest there may be a wiser alternative to this trade-deadline madness. This modern Moneyball approach could prove more beneficial to teams looking to build the foundation for long-term success, and it’s easy to understand why when you break it down.

You see, the way your grandfather built baseball teams is a little bit different than the way advanced metrics suggest you should do it. The idea is to work smarter, not harder. It’s actually a really simple concept to grasp.

Everyone thinks the shitty teams should be sellers, but that just doesn’t make sense if you look at the only stat that matters in sports, the W column. If your team sucks, you need to do whatever it takes to get better. Immediately. 

In reality, the MLB trade deadline offers the perfect opportunity to bolster your roster for next season and beyond. Before you roll your eyes, you might want to make sure you’re not becoming your parents with your perspective. 

If your goal as a baseball team is really to win the World Series, you need to start getting better now. Not getting worse. You might as well roll the dice on a star player with an expiring contract to see if you should throw the bag at him in the offseason. 

You see, these current millennial GMs have forgotten that you used to be able to rent a movie at Blockbuster before buying it. It’s time to get back to the basics and make a Blockbuster trade for Shohei Ohtani.

Here Are Six Teams That Should Trade For Shohei Ohtani Immediately

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One NBA Free Agency Signing Every Team Needs To Make

Harvey Ballbanger and Buzz McFly
NBA free agency

There can only be one winner. This year, it was the Denver Nuggets, but now even the defending champions face massive challenges heading into NBA free agency. 

For teams who didn’t make a splash in the NBA draft or via trade, the free agent market is the next best option. This year’s crop of talent includes a lot of key players, like James Harden and Kyrie Irving. But there’s a wide collection of athletes who have largely snuck under the radar and can help win an NBA championship next season.

Here is one realistic NBA free agency signing every team needs to make this summer. Is there a name we missed? Or perhaps a player who you feel is a better fit for your favorite team? Let us know in the comment section below. 

Atlanta Hawks

  • D’Angelo Russell
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Nikola Jokić Retires From NBA To Become Horse Jockey

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Nikola Jokić Retires From NBA To Become Horse Jockey Meme from A Fly On The Ball Sports Satire

The Joker Rides off Into Sunset an NBA Champion

Nikola Jokić just led the Denver Nuggets to the 2022-23 NBA championship. He is on top of the world but he doesn’t plan on staying in Denver very long. A Fly On The Ball was buzzing around the team’s championship celebration last night and overheard some stirring comments from someone described with a very distinct Serbian accent:

“Playing this season made me realize how much I miss my horses. Horses have such a short lifespan compared to us, I don’t want to waste the best years of my life playing a meaningless game.”

– Voice with Distinct Serbian Accent

First of all, congratulations to Nikola Jokić and the Denver Nuggets for winning the ‘chip. This was Denver’s first NBA Finals appearance in franchise history. The fact that these quotes are circulating after such a glorious accomplishment is sending shockwaves throughout the sports world. 

A Fly On The Ball reports hearing even more telling quotes from the same Serbian voice during the team’s championship celebration:

“I have already proven I am the best, what’s left for me to prove at this point? I have always dreamed of becoming a jockey at the Kentucky Derby. It’s finally time for me to fulfill my dream so I’m moving home, to Serbia, to begin my jockey training.”

– Voice with Same Distinct Serbian Accent

If these sources prove to be reliable, Jokić steps away as a champion in the prime of his playing career. The Joker played his heart out, taking his Denver Nuggets all the way to the 2022-23 NBA Finals and ultimately winning the Larry O’Brien trophy, all by himself. These recent quotes suggest he is satisfied with calling it a career at this point.

Jimmy Butler and the Miami Heat Lose Steam Down Stretch

To be fair, the Miami Heat and Jimmy ‘Can’t Get’ Buckets looked like they did not even belong in the NBA Finals for three out of the five games. Jimmy has proven time after time that he is not capable of being a clutch player. He is a maximum-effort player, a talented hustler at best. However, he is just way too streaky to be the top scoring option on a team with championship aspirations. 

Butler tried to hustle so many teams on his way out the door but here’s a big newsflash, it takes a team to win in the NBA. That is, of course, unless your name is Nikola Jokić. With his unselfish play and blue-collar attitude, Jokić proved he was the best player in the NBA on a night when the entire world was watching. 

Jokić offers a refreshing image for an NBA player that’s a stark contrast from the me-first, diva demeanor of Jimmy Butler. Butler forever enshrined himself in the selfish hall of shame with his epic meltdown during a Minnesota Timberwolves practice that ended in a discreet, behind-closed-doors session with Rachel Nichols.

Even though the meeting with Nichols was ‘private,’ an intentionally leaked tape emerged to suggest Jimmy had a closer relationship with the reporter than people initially believed. There was plenty of shit-talking between players on the court that leads A Fly On The Ball to believe those rumors are indeed true.

The sad thing is, Butler was supposed to be the leader and level-headed veteran on that very young and impressionable Wolves team. Does Jimmy sound like the kind of guy you’d want in your locker room? For most teams, the answer to that question is no.

Jimmy Butler practically played himself out of the Association with his performance in this year’s NBA Finals. He looked like a washed-up never-was who couldn’t keep up with the young energy and physicality brought to the court by the Denver Nuggets.

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Nikola Jokić Calls It Quits and Gets Enshrined

Jokić, on the other hand, cemented himself as a true legend of the game. As the Joker makes the transition from being a household NBA name to being just another jockey at Churchill Downs, his unselfish character will surely earn him some brownie points with his horses. Who knows, maybe he will even offer to lose some weight for the sake of his horses.

Even if Nikola doesn’t shed a few pounds, sources close to Jokić say he is really just looking to blend into society at this point in his life. A Fly On The Ball questions his choice to become the world’s first nearly seven-foot-tall jockey if he’s really just looking to fade away. 

Jokić doesn’t seem to care what other people think, he just wants to get home to his horses. A fly on the scene heard his response when asked how he feels after winning the MVP and the Larry O’B in the same season:

“It’s good, it’s good. The job is done, we can go home now.”

– Nikola Jokić
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Four People LIV Golf Should Sign Next, Including Tiger Woods

Buzz McFly and Harvey Ballbanger
LIV Golf, Tiger Woods

After nearly breaking out into a war fought using golf clubs and withholding country club memberships, the golfing community will return to its regularly scheduled tee times thanks to the LIV Golf-PGA Tour merger. If you are confused about what the merger is, don’t worry. Nothing is really all that clear when it comes to golf.

If there ever was a rulebook, it went out the window when Brinks trucks full of Saudi money showed up. Didn’t you get any? Almost everyone else did. For those who were left behind, there’s still time to rake it in and live in sin.

If you were one of the lucky golfers who now has “fuck you” money because of the LIV, life is about to get even better. Give yourself a pat on the ol’ back, laddy. Ya done good.

The LIV-PGA merger essentially means golfers who were banned by the PGA due to their decision to hop into bed with the Saudi golf tour can now reapply for membership. Please take a number and wait for your turn.

As a result, it’s time for golfers who did not join the LIV to do some serious soul-searching. There is literally not a single fucking reason in the world why you couldn’t be nose-diving into your treasure vault full of Benjamin Franklins like you are Scrooge fucking McDuck right now. What are you waiting for?

Here are four people who should consider signing with the LIV now that the rulebook has been thrown out the window by the PGA:

Tiger Woods – The Obvious Choice for LIV Golf

This story practically writes itself. Tiger Woods puts his recent golfing struggles behind him once and for all by joining the LIV Tour. Tiger will finally have the platform to showcase his skills while earning the kind of paycheck he deserves for carrying the sport of golf for the past three fucking decades. 

Now that LIV golfers can reapply for a PGA membership, why not get the best of both worlds? Come get a whiff of that sweet double dip by grabbing some naughty, filthy money from the LIV and still qualify for all those wholesome PGA events. Way to go Tiger, get that bag! You’ve earned it. This is a hole-in-one for golf as a whole. That’s a lot of holes.

Billy Horschel Eats Crow

From time to time, everybody eventually eats some crow. Guess what, Billy? Your time is up and dinner is served. But hey buddy, look on the bright side, it’s not all bad. You can finish chewing that crow and swallowing the final bite in time to sign your new LIV deal.

Welcome to the big leagues, Billy the Kidd, you finally fucking made it. What are you going to buy first? A new publicist? You’re welcome for that free advice, Billy.

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Donald Trump Still Curious About Putters

A lot can change in only a few short years. Just look at former President Donald Trump, for example. Now here’s a man with absolutely nothing to do these days. Despite how polarizing he can be, you can’t help but feel kinda sorry for the guy.

Set to turn 77 on June 14, President Trump also happens to be in his golfing prime. He has so much time on his hands lately, he couldn’t help but chime in on the LIV-PGA merger.

“GREAT NEWS FROM LIV GOLF. A BIG, BEAUTIFUL, AND GLAMOROUS DEAL FOR THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF GOLF. CONGRATS TO ALL!!!”

Donald Trump, screaming through the keyboard with the Caps Lock button on

Trump couldn’t wait to take to his social media like a schoolgirl and let everyone know how he felt about the “glamorous” deal. Brimming with excitement, this makes us wonder if he wants a piece of the sweet action. This is similar to another time when he was thinking about making a switch:

“It’s like in golf… A lot of people – I don’t want this to sound trivial – but a lot of people are switching to these really long putters, very unattractive… it’s weird. You see these great players with these really long putters, because they can’t sink three-footers anymore. And, I hate it. I am a traditionalist. I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist.”

Donald Trump, New York Times, 1/5/11

That sounds like a guy who wants in, but he’s not sure if he has an invitation. He’s clearly very into golf and he’s kinda curious about these really long putters. In the past, they haven’t really done it for him since he sees himself as a traditionalist.

However, the Don clearly wants to be a great player and he knows he’s going to have to use these really long putters eventually because it’s what the greats use. He wants to be one of the greats. It’s all right there in the quote.

Trump also is a very savvy negotiator, he is probably just using this “will I or won’t I” technique to squeeze more money out of the Saudis. After he picks his bag up from the LIV, he can laugh all the way to the course where he is only going to boost the popularity of the brand with his viral takes on pretty much everything under the sun.

Well, there you have it, losers. Fuck off if you don’t like it, besides, it’s not your fault. Don’s brash takes and magnetizing personality are exactly what the LIV needs to take the brand global. This is a win-win and maybe it will give the Don something else to focus on right now. 

Caitlyn Jenner Makes America Great Again

A true All-American hero and a fiery competitor who would stop at nothing to achieve their dreams. Absolutely nothing was impossible for this athletic freak. A former college football player at Graceland, Jenner was always willing to drop everything for the team. He dominated nearly every sport, setting world records by going balls out in the Olympics, crushing the pole vault, and several other gay events. 

To this day, some still say Bruce Jenner is the greatest athlete in the world. Alright, well, time to fucking prove it. Now Caitlyn Jenner, the Male Athlete of the Year in 1976, won’t ever be more ready than she is right fucking now at the ripe age of 73. It’s time to shine, girl.

LIV Golf Gets the Starpower It Desperately Needs

As if golf couldn’t get any fucking easier. This is a no-brainer, folks. LIV gives you more money while making you work less. Check it out, LIV only plays lightning-quick three-round tournaments instead of the excessively long four-round format of the old PGA.

On top of that, there are far fewer tournaments on the LIV schedule each year compared to the demanding PGA Tour that everybody is kind of sick of at this point. Fuck the PGA. That’s what Phil Mickelson did and he’s doing just fine.

Meanwhile, Chase Koepka is making so much money from LIV that he doesn’t have a single care in the world anymore. He is so stress-free now that he was able to nail this hole in one. Impressive. 

That’s how accepting LIV money can change your life and take your golfing game to the next fucking level. If Chase Koepka can do it, anybody can. Nobody’s ever fucking heard of this guy before and now he has more money than you. A lot more. Why? Because the LIV is extremely generous. 

So, there you have it, Caitlyn Jenner and Donald Trump, if you join the LIV, you will make enough money to become relevant again, and who knows? Maybe you’ll even sink a hole in one. Remember those?

If you really think about it, the LIV is all about second chances, just like America. At one time, both Trump and Jenner knew what it felt like to be on top of the world. With LIV, they won’t even need blow to get back on top. That’s pretty dope.

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Phoenix Suns Officially Waiving Chris Paul

Buzz McFly
Phoenix Suns Officially Waiving Chris Paul

It looks like the sun is setting for good on the championship aspirations of the Devin Booker, Kevin Durant, and Chris Paul-era Phoenix Suns. It’s not an entirely surprising move after the Suns failed to meet their governor’s unrealistic expectations of winning an NBA Championship this season.

Listen, teams make a lot of mistakes when they trade for stars. Some trades become a disaster, while other deals take time for the chemistry to mesh. You could classify the Minnesota Timberwolves as a team in the “trades that take time to evaluate” category and until today, you could have included the Phoenix Suns in that bucket as well.

The problem is usually impatience. Flies fucking know the entire world’s shit. We hear that shit at every fresh pile. Every single fan is tinker-happy in the modern era of sports. You all think you know better than the fucking general managers of these teams.

You want to know some breaking news? You don’t. You don’t fucking know shit. Now, put yourself in the shoes of a person who just acquired an NBA team. It is not all that much different than handing the keys to an NBA franchise over to pretty much any fan.

The reality is pretty obvious. Almost all incoming team ownership groups are looking to make their own mark on the franchise. By the fucking way, they ARE owners, not fucking governors. The “woke” spin in this league is fucking ridiculous sometimes, the NBA isn’t fooling anybody but themselves.

With that being said, new owners like to tinker with their new toys. Unfortunately, experienced general managers such as Danny Ainge absolutely feast on incoming or desperate ownership groups in professional sports. Ainge has fleeced some teams more than once. Cough, Timberwolves, cough.

The impatience, naivety, and arrogance of incoming ownership groups is almost all too predictable at this point. They take a swing for the fences and guess what? It usually doesn’t work out as envisioned. However, is that a good enough reason to abandon ship right away?

Big kudos to the transitioning Minnesota Timberwolves ownership group led by Mark Lore and legendary baseball player Alex Rodriguez for not pulling a Mat Ishbia yet this offseason. Both the Phoenix Suns and Minnesota Timberwolves corked the bats with blockbuster trades recently.

The well-documented and unfairly scrutinized acquisition of Rudy Gobert for the Timberwolves did not lead to the kind of success many people’s expectations set for the 2022-23 season. They also ran into the Denver Nuggets in the first round of the NBA Playoffs. 

For what it’s worth, heading into the NBA Finals, the Nuggets had only lost a total of three playoff games. One of those losses was to the Wolves while the other two losses came at the mercy of the Phoenix Suns.

Think about that for a moment. The Denver Nuggets look like the best team in the NBA playoffs. They literally were on cruise control throughout the playoffs and Nikola Jokić has even found enough spare time to FaceTime his horses back in Serbia.

That’s from the official NBA on ESPN Twitter account, y’all. Confirmed sources, always accurate. Let’s get back to basketball though. The only two teams capable of pulling off a win against the Nuggies in the Western Conference Playoffs were the Suns and the Wolves. Two teams linked together through guilt by association.

Like the Wolves, the Suns decided to get their sluggers to the plate with a pinch-hitting blockbuster trade for Kevin Durant leading up to the NBA trade deadline. On March 3, 2023, the Suns sent Mikal Bridges, Cam Johnson, Jae Crowder, and four first-round draft picks to the Brooklyn Nets for the Slim Reaper and T.J. Warren. The two teams also swapped their 2028 first-round picks.

Both the Wolves and Suns made similar sacrifices to take a win-now approach. In Minnesota’s case, Karl-Anthony Towns was injured for a majority of the regular season. He missed a total of 51 consecutive games due to a torn right calf muscle. 

Yet, Ant Edwards and crew still made the fucking playoffs. They fought and clawed their way in only to run into a Nikola Jokić-sized wall that the rest of the NBA is learning is, well, no joke. 

More importantly, Ant and KAT got a taste of what is required to make the leap to contender status. It’s not going to be easy. Just ask the goat himself, Michael Jordan, who did not even win his first playoff series until his fourth NBA season.

Sometimes it takes patience to get where you want to go in the NBA. Patience is key. Perhaps Lore and Rodriguez understand this now. They certainly did not do any ill-advised knee-jerk reactions after their playoff elimination. It’s business as usual around the Wolves’ practice facilities.

Chris Finch is eager to get back to coaching this group of guys and the players are ready to take another crack at it next season, together. Flies around the Wolves are reporting team unity, Jaden McDaniels shooting basketballs again, and a pack that appears hungry for success.

Meanwhile, the Phoenix Suns eventually ran into that same Nikola-sized wall, guarded by the Joker himself. The Suns could not seem to find their bat signal and ultimately were eliminated from the playoffs. That led to new team owner Mat Ishbia making the decision to fire head coach Monty Williams. Interesting knee-jerk move.

Some flies even speculated that Durant was looking forward to playing under Monty again. Now Williams is gone just a few months after Durantula joined the team. So much for that. Which leads to a lot of questions regarding why Phoenix is making the decision to move on from CP3.

Assuming there are no internal locker room issues between Booker, Durant, and Paul, there really is no reason to move on from one of the greatest point guards in NBA history. A Fly On The Ball caught up with some fresh piles in the Phoenix area to get the full scoop.

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Aging NBA Superstar Too Damn Old for Phoenix Community

In a shocking decision that seems to be mutual for both parties, the Phoenix Suns are officially shopping Chris Paul with the full intention of waiving him when no suitor is found. Luckily for Suns fans, Utah Jazz general manager Danny Ainge is not currently accepting phone calls from a 602 area code.

It took a while but after doing some digging, A Fly On The Ball has uncovered the truth behind why Phoenix is waiving Chris Paul. It really comes down to creative differences, which is just a fancy way to hide termination status through age discrimination. 

Paul believes he has a lot left in the tank. The Suns, not so much. In fact, the city of Phoenix has made it clear they are looking to “attract talent” which means they might not be very happy with some of their current employees.

In order to make room for this new talent, the city has to let some of its employees go. As seen by a fly on the wall, Chris Paul is at the very top of that list. Meanwhile, Chris Paul is not ready to accept the reality that Father Time is catching up. 

Like most people clinging to their glory days, CP3 isn’t ready to let go of his playing career just yet. Sure, there are a lot of jokes that could be made about retirement here, but none of them work. However, there seems to be more than meets the eye here.

City officials in Phoenix are serious about attracting new talent but they realize the area might have a bit of a branding problem. It’s full of retired and elderly people. Some locals are pushing back with an agenda to see Phoenix transition from a retirement community to a hip, youthful scene.

It’s out with the Metamucil and in with the edibles for the new Phoenix youth movement. Attracting promising, vibrant minds has been a challenge for the historically well-preserved community. For starters, the majority of restaurants get busy right around 4 p.m. every single day as they struggle to meet the demands of the early bird special dinner rush.

Retirees flock to these restaurants in massive numbers just to save a few fucking bucks on their meal. By the time normal people show up to eat dinner after 6 p.m., it’s slim pickins. You can eat anything you like as long as it’s lukewarm leftovers at that point. I’d rather eat shit because I’m a fucking fly.

On top of that, retired people wake up on Monday with absolutely nothing to do. In fact, every single day of a retired person’s life is the weekend. Imagine that. Sounds rough.

As a result, if you drive through a retired community on any morning, it’s like a ghost town. Everything is closed except for the country club, a curling salon, and a fucking Denny’s. Hope you like playing bingo at 9 a.m. on a Saturday fucking morning. That’s what living in Phoenix is like.

It might not sound like the tits to you but Chris Paul was just getting comfortable and ready to make Phoenix his own retirement community choice. Unfortunately for CP3, the 12-time NBA All-Star known as The Point God just isn’t a good fit for the hip, youthful Phoenix scene that city officials are trying to establish. 

From participating in shuffleboard to competitive speed walking, the 38-year-old dinosaur has been all over TV showing the world how he is preparing for life after basketball. Phoenix is where Chris Paul and his family call home.

Now the city of Phoenix is asking Chris Paul and his grandchildren to leave because he is just too old. Elderly people are no longer are welcome in Phoenix, Arizona. Will your parents be asked to leave next? 

Only time will tell, assuming they have any time left before they’re kicked out. Pretty soon your parents will be living in your basement thanks to the new direction Phoenix is taking citywide. Chris Paul was only the first domino to fall.

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How Kneeling Led to NFL Popularity Being at an All-Time High

Harvey Ballbanger
NFL

Despite Tom Brady’s unforeseen retirement, the NFL’s popularity is at an all-time high heading into the 2023 season. There isn’t a single indicator suggesting otherwise. How did we get here? It’s actually quite obvious. 

Rewind back to September 1, 2016, when San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick took a knee during the national anthem to call attention to police brutality and racial inequality issues. 

Despite the effort gaining steam from athletes in the NFL and sports worldwide, Kaepernick’s decision to kneel drew the ire of several others who were completely butthurt by the act.

Kaepernick’s movement would be intensely amplified by several other NFL athletes joining in after former President Donald Trump took offense to the gesture and criticized the movement, leading to over 130 players kneeling or sitting just on one NFL Sunday. Here were Trump’s comments that sparked the increased volume of participants: 

“Wouldn’t you love to see one of these NFL owners, when somebody disrespects our flag, to say, ‘Get that son of a bitch off the field right now, out? He’s fired. You know, some owner is going to do that. He’s gonna say, ‘That guy disrespects our flag, he’s fired.’ And that owner, they don’t know it. They don’t know it. They’re friends of mine, many of them. They don’t know it. They’ll be the most popular person, for a week. They’ll be the most popular person in the country.”

Of course, the former president failed to realize that Kaepernick was never protesting the national anthem or the American flag. He just wanted to protest police brutality and racial inequality. Yet, it didn’t matter. The faces of certain NFL fans turned red as they turned their ears off and unplugged their televisions so they could get back to their previously scheduled Klan meetings. 

Years later, we still have the receipts of those who said they would no longer watch the NFL from those who planned to boycott the league over the ‘kneeling issue.’ 

According to Sports Insider, Mississippi, Florida, and Iowa hilariously led the charge of states who intended to boycott the NFL. Well, the joke is on them, as they’re too illiterate to understand the NFL has been boycotting Mississippi and Iowa since its inauguration in 1920. And, like Donald Trump, Florida can just go fuck off. Florida sure seemed to be watching when Tom Brady and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers won Super Bowl LV in 2021.

As for the fans who reportedly planned to boycott the NFL? It seems they too have kindly fucked off without anyone noticing their much-appreciated absence. 

Since then, we’ve seen the NFL add another game to their schedule, now playing 17 regular season contests, proving fans crave more football than ever. 

It’s time for these losers to face it. The NFL’s popularity is at an all-time high. Coaches and players are paid more than ever before. The NFL signed their biggest television deal in league history, a contract worth more than $100 billion, and TV ratings are at an all-time high. In fact, no other TV production is able to draw more viewers than an NFL game.

The NFL’s salary cap ballooned again this past offseason to a new record-high $224.8 million per team, per season. Once again, it’s obvious that Colin Kaepernick’s decision to kneel directly led to the NFL’s popularity reaching record highs. Anyone trying to argue otherwise isn’t woke.

But the league’s newfound popularity is not what these ill-advised tweeters were expecting years ago. 

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These Tweets Didn’t Age Well

While all these other tweets are from YEARS ago, this one from Brigitte Gabriel is amazingly from this past April. That is, April of 2023 for an issue that was so seven fucking years ago.

Umm… What the fuck? Does she know Kaepernick hasn’t played in the NFL for over seven years? The 35-year-old QB isn’t a huge threat to bother you on draft day in April, you know, seven fucking years after he’s been on the field. But no, get your dry-ass panties in a bunch about this one, Brigitte. Go get your attention elsewhere because the NFL doesn’t fucking care about you either.

Well, you heard it here first. Football is officially dead, folks. No one likes Patrick Mahomes, seeing Justin Jefferson doing the Griddy, or watching Lamar Jackson put on a dazzling display with his arm and his legs on gameday. No one. Goodbye NFL… Someone no one cares about (Eric Trump) is no longer watching. Oh heavens, how will the league ever recover?

Like Andrew Luck and Mike Pence, we’d leave an Indianapolis Colts game before kickoff too. This is a team that won just four games that season and four games again in 2022, even allowing the largest comeback in NFL history. Luck would walk out for good one year later. But that’s a fresh pile for a different time. 

The point is the NFL has never been bigger than it is today, and we have no one else to thank for this than the kneeling movement, which helped draw more attention to the league than ever before. Because honestly, who gives a fuck about whether someone decides to kneel or stand? Like sitting or standing, it sounds like a personal preference that we couldn’t fucking care less about. Play fucking ball.

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