Category: Sports News

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2023-2024 Minnesota Timberwolves Prove We Are Living in an Alternate Timeline

Buzz McFly
2023-2024 Minnesota Timberwolves Prove We Are Living in an Alternate Timeline Meme

Wolves in First Place in Western Conference NBA Standings

In case you’ve been living under a rock or spending too much time in the multiverse, the 2023-24 NBA Season is in full swing. With almost a quarter of the games already in the books, an interesting tinfoil hat theory is emerging from certain conspiracy circles. Why? Because the Minnesota Timberwolves currently are sitting alone atop the NBA’s Western Conference Standings with a record of 15-4.

Something just isn’t adding up here. Historically speaking, the Minnesota Timberwolves are the least successful team in the entire history of the NBA. With an all-time winning percentage of .402, the Wolves have not even been capable of playing .500 ball. Pathetic.

At the time of this article, the Timberwolves have won 1,091 games in their history while managing to lose 1,621 games. Even the Los Angeles Clippers have a higher all-time winning percentage of .419 and they’re complete losers.

What’s even worse is how the Timberwolves were a once-great franchise capable of playing with pride while packing the Target Center with balls-to-the-walls fans screaming their Minnesota Nice hearts out. When the Big Ticket was slapping the hardwood and pounding his chest, the house was always packed. 

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Lawrence Taylor Nominated for Snowtime Achievement Award

Buzz McFly
Lawrence Taylor Nominated for Snowtime Achievement Award Meme New York Giants Memes FINAL VERSION

Highlights From Accomplished NFL Career Cements Prestigious Honor For LT

If you are lucky enough to remember the 1986 Super Bowl Champion New York Giants, then Lawrence Taylor needs no introduction to you. LT was an absolute wrecking ball throughout the 1985 season on the football field. Sadly, many fans still don’t understand the toll that championship season had on Taylor.

New York Giants head coach Bill Parcells assembled a stellar staff of coaches for the 1985 NFL season, including pegging Bill Belichick as his defensive coordinator. 1985 was Belichick’s first season as the defensive coordinator of the Giants, he had already been a linebacker and special teams coach with Big Blue since 1979 up to that point.

Of course, much of Belichick’s rapid ascension in the NFL’s pecking order can probably be attributed to Lawrence Taylor’s otherworldly performance on the field. Despite Belichick’s massive success since those days, that fact has not been lost on old Bill over the years.

To this day, Bill Belichick still insists Lawrence Taylor is the greatest defensive player in the history of the NFL. Who are you to argue with the GOAT of modern head coaches? Even if you tried to make a case for somebody else, you’d lose all credibility debating against Belichick wearing a hoodie with the sleeves ripped off like a dollar store special. To quote Kendrick Lamar, “Sit down. Be humble.”

You don’t have to be a football guru to see Lawrence Taylor played like a man possessed by something on the football field. Just check out any LT highlight reel while you do a little line dancing of your own so you can feel the impact of every bone-crunching big hit.

Lawrence Taylor Big Hit Meme
Think you could handle a big hit from Lawrence Taylor?

If you want proof that cocaine fueled Taylor to a Hall Of Fame football career, it’s all right here. As a personal hero of mine, LT’s story inspires me to seek a big ol’ pile of blow to land in and see if a goddamn fly can make it in the NFL. It’s time for old Buzz McFly to hit the shake weight room.

Lawrence Taylor Shake Weight Meme
Official Lawrence Taylor Shake Weight Endorsement Photo Shoot

Unfortunately, according to Taylor, Buzz McFly wouldn’t get away with it:

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David Tepper Holds Pep Talk With Himself After Frank Reich Firing: ‘You’re Next!’

Harvey Ballbanger
David Tepper

Carolina Panthers owner David Tepper isn’t exactly known for having patience. He may be a billionaire, but Tepper’s not capable of looking in the mirror and realizing where the real problem lies. 

In addition to owning the Panthers, Tepper also owns Charlotte FC, a professional soccer team that’s actually been to the playoffs. Since they’ve only played two seasons, this is a notable feat. Especially considering the Panthers have missed the playoffs all six seasons since Tepper got involved. 

Since Tepper’s ownership, the Panthers have played six seasons, and Charlotte has played two. In that time, Tepper has fired a total of five coaches. 

At what point does he realize where the real problem lies?

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NFL Visionary Launches Campaign to Bring Barry Sanders Back to Detroit Lions’ Backfield

Harvey Ballbanger
Barry Sanders

Now you see him, now you don’t. It isn’t magic or grease on his jersey. That’s just the story of Barry Sanders, juking NFL defenders out of their cleats. 

Between the lines, Sanders is in his own world. Just ask John Lynch. 

Would-be tacklers thought they had the 5-foot-8 running back in their grasp, but just like Detroit Lions Super Bowl wins, Sanders always seemed to find a new way out. 

Then, one day, at the peak of his career, Sanders suddenly slipped away from the NFL for a moment, too. 

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Brett Favre Starring as The Mustard Man To Pay Debts Back

Buzz McFly
Brett Favre Starring as Mustard Man Meme from A Fly On The Ball Final Version

John Madden’s Turducken Special

Imagine this, you work hard your entire life, amassing millions of dollars throughout your career, only to retire with nothing more than a spacious little farm in Mississippi. Now you have more land and time than you know what to do with.

In the end, retirement isn’t always the peaceful fairytale ending everyone hopes for. Just ask Brett Favre, who has had more than just a little trouble finding ways to make ends meet since retiring. That’s why you’ll see Brett Favre starring as The Mustard Man to pay debts back.

For a while there, people were not even entirely convinced Favre actually retired from football, the game that gave him everything in life. Many people still think Favre could return to his old gunslinger ways any day now, there’s no doubt he still has that old cannon locked and loaded. 

Imagine Brett Favre slinging it at Lambeau again now that Aaron Rodgers is out of the picture for good. Just the thought of it makes John Madden perk up a bit from the Great Beyond, he’s grilling some bratwursts and slow-roasting a turducken outside his bus just to get ready for the big game. Rumor has it, if Favre ever decides to play again, you might be able to hear Madden calling the game through a spirit box. 

John Madden's Turducken Special by A Fly On The Ball - Meme
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Noodles and Company Benches Mac Jones for New England Patriots Backup

Buzz McFly
NOODLES AND COMPANY BENCHES MAC JONES FOR NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS BACKUP NOODLES & CO BENCHES MAC JONES FOR NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS BACKUP MEME

There has been plenty of speculation surrounding Mac Jones’ job security as the starting quarterback for the New England Patriots lately. Whether you are on the Jones bandwagon or not is irrelevant once you watch the tape. Facts are facts.

Jones simply isn’t the guy. His noodle-arm can’t push the ball down the field on a calm, sunny day in September. What makes anyone think he will be able to do it through the wicked swirling winds that come with a classic New England Nor’easter in the playoffs? Seriously, the tape never lies:

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James Harden on Los Angeles Clippers’ Struggles: Don’t Blame Me, It’s the System

Harvey Ballbanger
James Harden

Seven-time All-NBA guard James Harden is a very good basketball player. He’s a former MVP winner, a ten-time All-Star, and a three-time scoring champion. Some might even say he is the system. 

But not last year, when Harden had to play second fiddle while teammate Joel Embiid stole the spotlight by winning NBA MVP instead. For the first time since 2012, Harden didn’t even make an All-Star team. It wasn’t a good look for The Beard. 

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It’s Time To Admit the Cincinnati Bengals Will Never Win a Super Bowl

Harvey Ballbanger
Cincinnati Bengals

The Cincinnati Bengals have made it to the Super Bowl three times, but they’ve never been the better team, always failing to win on the NFL’s biggest stage. It’s an embarrassing fact for an up-and-coming franchise that has one of the league’s best quarterbacks on the roster with Joe Burrows. 

But the Bengals were in the Super Bowl two years ago and came just four points away from changing the franchise’s status as a lifetime loser forever. The fans in Cincinnati haven’t given up hope since, clinging to the dream of joining the big leagues as a respectable NFL franchise.

Yet, the Bengals fanbase might want to re-evaluate their loyalty because those waiting on a Super Bowl will end up wasting all their time on a franchise that doesn’t have the same level of commitment to winning. Here are just three reasons why the Cincinnati Bengals will never win a Super Bowl, as sad as it sounds. 

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New York Giants Offensive Coordinator Mike Kafka Exiled to Island of Misfit Toys

Buzz McFly
New York Giants Offensive Coordinator Mike Kafka Exiled To Island Of Misfit Toys with A Fly On The Ball

Giants Fans Want Mike Kafka Relieved of Play-Calling Duties Immediately 

It’s no secret that New York Giants offensive coordinator Mike Kafka spends his time off the football field as one of the most evil people on the planet, Lex Luthor. The very first time you see Kafka’s satanic eyebrows, you’re left wondering when Spock went full bald eagle. At least when Kafka gets fired from the Giants, he will be able to resume his role as Spock in the upcoming Star Trek film:

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Bryce Young Grows Mullet To Deal With NFL Pressure

Harvey Ballbanger
Bryce Young, Bryce Young mullet

Do you remember when Bryce Young stood tall among his peers as the best quarterback prospect available in the 2023 NFL Draft? 

The Chicago Bears remember because they earned the first overall pick. Yet, with a franchise QB already in place, the Bears could smell desperation from the Carolina Panthers, with David Tepper eager to make another investment that had the potential to go to the moon. 

But so far, investing in Bryce Young’s stock has gone tits up. 

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