NFL Player Memes - A FLY ON THE BALL

It’s Time To Admit the Cincinnati Bengals Will Never Win a Super Bowl

November 12, 2023May 20, 2024 Harvey Ballbanger

The Cincinnati Bengals have made it to the Super Bowl three times, but they’ve never been the better team, always failing to win on the NFL’s biggest stage. It’s an embarrassing fact for an up-and-coming franchise that has one of the league’s best quarterbacks on the roster with Joe Burrows.

But the Bengals were in the Super Bowl two years ago and came just four points away from changing the franchise’s status as a lifetime loser forever. The fans in Cincinnati haven’t given up hope since, clinging to the dream of joining the big leagues as a respectable NFL franchise.

Yet, the Bengals fanbase might want to re-evaluate their loyalty because those waiting on a Super Bowl will end up wasting all their time on a franchise that doesn’t have the same level of commitment to winning. Here are just three reasons why the Cincinnati Bengals will never win a Super Bowl, as sad as it sounds.

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New York Giants Offensive Coordinator Mike Kafka Exiled to Island of Misfit Toys

November 10, 2023December 5, 2023 Buzz McFly

Giants Fans Want Mike Kafka Relieved of Play-Calling Duties Immediately

It’s no secret that New York Giants offensive coordinator Mike Kafka spends his time off the football field as one of the most evil people on the planet, Lex Luthor. The very first time you see Kafka’s satanic eyebrows, you’re left wondering when Spock went full bald eagle. At least when Kafka gets fired from the Giants, he will be able to resume his role as Spock in the upcoming Star Trek film:

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Bryce Young Grows Mullet To Deal With NFL Pressure

November 9, 2023November 28, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

Do you remember when Bryce Young stood tall among his peers as the best quarterback prospect available in the 2023 NFL Draft?

The Chicago Bears remember because they earned the first overall pick. Yet, with a franchise QB already in place, the Bears could smell desperation from the Carolina Panthers, with David Tepper eager to make another investment that had the potential to go to the moon.

But so far, investing in Bryce Young’s stock has gone tits up.

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Noodle-Arm Brock Purdy Can’t Get San Francisco 49ers Balls Deep Into Playoffs

October 30, 2023December 21, 2023 Buzz McFly

Noodle-Arm Brock Purdy Can't Get Balls Deep

Every empire eventually crumbles, just ask the San Francisco 49ers, who literally built the framework to become the next dynasty in the NFL. They were only missing one key ingredient, a quarterback who could take the Niners to the promised land. Cue Brock Purdy, Mr. Irrelevant from the 2022 NFL Draft.

As has often been the case throughout his career, former San Francisco heartthrob Jimmy Garoppolo found himself unable to play. The teams Garoppolo plays for often mask his injuries with buzzwords such as shoulder, thumb, ACL tear, or pedal foot fracture but the reality is actually much more severe.

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Aaron Rodgers Launching Trippindales Franchise

October 9, 2023November 19, 2023 Buzz McFly

New York’s Hottest Club Is a Steamy Ayahuasca Retreat

It’s no secret Aaron Rodgers has had a lot of extra time on his hands lately. A bit too much time, perhaps? He’s been seen frequently on the sidelines and in the luxury suites of New York Jets games this season, everywhere but on the field. Don’t worry though, he still has plenty of time to make his weekly appearance on The Pat McAfee Show, where one thing becomes very clear.

At the end of the day, the guy really just wants to play football, but unfortunately, Father Time told Rodgers to take a little time out. Since moving to the business mecca of the world, Rodgers is looking to take his marketing savvy to the stratosphere after taking a pay cut this year. In other words, Rodgers wants to be more a little more productive during his downtime.

In an effort to bolster his retirement portfolio, Aaron Rodgers is launching a brand new speakeasy-style nightclub known as Trippindales. The Grand Opening for the first Trippindales location in New York City is expected to occur sometime in the Spring of 2024. Rodgers plans on franchising the ayahuasca retreat brand to take his visions nationwide.

Beings from any dimension, galaxy, or universe are welcome to gather at Trippindales for some adult-themed entertainment complemented by a gourmet menu of exotic hallucinogens from across the multiverse. Even Rick and Morty are expected to stop by for the epic Grand Opening.

Granted, this trip is a little bit different than the journey Jets fans were expecting to experience throughout the 2023 NFL season. Their season was over after only four offensive snaps, but that doesn’t mean they have to stay grounded in reality. Rodgers wants to help them lift their spirits after being blindsided by heartbreak.

On September 11th, it was the silence heard around the world as all eyeballs watched Grandpa Rodgers falling to the ground after a viciously calculated attack. Rodgers laid helplessly in ruins, defeated by the evil turf of JetLife stadium.

Sadly, this moment proved to be the Achilles heel of the season for the Jets. This day will live on in infamy for Jets fans all over the world. Hell, even casual football fans will never forget where they were on 9/11 while witnessing the collapse of tower No. 8.

As is usually the case, Rodgers remains optimistic. After all, a true battle-tested warrior never lets a petty heel injury stop them from positive manifestation. Rodgers even has his eye on an early return to the battlefield this season thanks to an experimental SpeedBridge procedure.

The only problem with that mentality is the Jets would actually have to make the playoffs for Rodgers to make a meaningful return to the field this season. Perhaps Rodgers is mixing his ayahuasca a little too strong because the 2023 Jets are currently sitting at 2-3.

Playoffs? You kidding me? Mr. Rodgers, you play in the same neighborhood as the Miami Dolphins and the Buffalo Bills. You and the rest of your fleet of single-engine Cessnas should just worry about getting to .500 for now. Don’t talk about playoffs.

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Zach Wilson Seeks Travis Kelce’s Mom’s Number Following New York Jets’ Loss to Kansas City Chiefs

October 3, 2023May 20, 2024 Harvey Ballbanger

Zach Wilson almost shocked the world with a near victory over the Kansas City Chiefs on Sunday Night Football. Wilson finally showed some spunk, looking like the former No. 2 overall pick he was drafted to be. But no one saw the New York Jets QB’s biggest play of the night, which actually came after the game ended.

A Fly On The Ball in the Jets’ facility reports Wilson stepped foot in the film room this week, knowing a special guest would be in the house. Despite the extra preparation, Wilson still had pre-game jitters thanks to a heightened desire to perform for what he hoped to be his new dime piece.

Did you think we were talking about Taylor Swift? She’s just not Wilson’s type. He’s never been a Swiftie, plus Wilson prefers a bit more seasoning on his chalupa.

Instead, Wilson had his eye on Travis Kelce’s mom, Donna Kelce, who attended the Chiefs-Jets game from a private suite at MetLife Stadium. If you look closely, you can see Wilson winking at her after each completion.

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Entire Minnesota Vikings Team Reported Missing

September 26, 2023May 10, 2024 Buzz McFly

Viking Ship Struck By Lightning On Home Turf

Before the 2023 NFL season began, if you told any Minnesota Vikings fan that they would be 0-3 after Week 3, they would have asked you what you’re smoking. After all, the Vikings went 13-4 in 2022 while boasting an impressive 11-0 record in one-score games. They even completed the biggest comeback in NFL history against the Indianapolis Colts.

Then, you have to ask yourself, what kind of a team falls behind 33-0 against the 2022 Colts in the first place? That should have been the first red flag but many Vikings fans were basking in denial over being the fastest bicycle with training wheels.

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How the Miami Dolphins Can Get Balls Deep in That End Zone This Year

September 22, 2023December 20, 2023 Buzz McFly

Tua Tagovailoa Celebrates Birth of Son Named Bill Belichick

With a healthy Tua Tagovailoa, the Miami Dolphins should have no trouble getting balls deep in that end zone for the remainder of this season and beyond. The bigger challenge will be finding a way to keep Tua’s head in the game. That burden falls on the shoulders of the Dolphins’ offensive line.

So far, so good. Mike McDaniel’s scheme is righteous. His press conferences are must-see TV. Too bad Hard Knocks can’t get this guy on there, it might actually boost ratings. As for the Dolphins’ ability to slip it in there, it’s mating season in South Beach.

This offense is rolling. The Dolphins have jet-ski wideouts in Tyreek Hill and Jaylen Waddle. Tagovailoa has been lighting up the skies with his aerial attack. Even the ground attack is getting the job done when called upon.

After all, the Dolphins are 2-0 after taking down the New England Patriots in primetime on Sunday Night Football in Week 2 of the 2023 NFL season. Tagovailoa absolutely owns the Patriots in his career thus far, boasting a perfect 5-0 record against the once-mighty AFC East dynasty.

Ironically, Tagovailoa celebrated the birth of his second child on Sunday night. The newborn arrived minutes after emerging victorious over the Patriots for the fifth time in a row.

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How Patrick Mahomes and the Kansas City Chiefs Can Get Balls Deep in That End Zone This Year

September 13, 2023December 21, 2023 Buzz McFly

Yikes. The 2023 NFL Season kicked off with an upset and it’s no secret Patrick Mahomes looks like he’s in mid-season form. He was slinging it like the MVP he is out there but somehow the Kansas City Chiefs couldn’t get balls deep in the end zone like they’re used to.

On a Thursday night season opener in a very hostile Arrowhead Stadium, the Detroit Lions came out of the locker room ready to get physical. They played hard-nosed football for 60 minutes but even they tried to give the Chiefs the game several times.

While marching down the field and shoving the football down the throats of the Chiefs’ defense during the 2023 NFL Season Kickoff Game, the Lions Goffed up a snap and somehow recovered. Then, just as Lions fans could taste the end zone, Marvin Jones Jr. Goffed up the football to give Mahomes another chance. That’s when things got a little weird.

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How the Jacksonville Jaguars Can Get Balls Deep in That End Zone This Year

September 3, 2023November 26, 2023 Buzz McFly

How the Jacksonville Jaguars can get balls deep this year - Trevor Lawrence Goes Balls Deep with Hippies - with Text - Final

When you have the fuckin’ Jesus on your bowling team, you never lose. It’s a league game, Smokey, there are rules. This isn’t ‘Nam, but nobody knows what it’s like to smell napalm in the morning more than Trevor Lawrence. T-Law be droppin’ bombs all day. He is the fuckin’ Jesus, man.

That’s why the Jacksonville Jaguars will have no problem getting balls deep in that end zone all season long. In fact, the Jaguars are the obvious pick to win the AFC South by a longshot. Who knows? If Lawrence and the Shaguars get hot, they might even have what it takes to finally let ‘em hang.

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