San Antonio Spurs Exploring Trade Options for the First Overall Pick in NBA Draft

San Antonio Spurs

Gloomy Night at the Alamo

Surprising reports are buzzing in from around NBA front office insiders that the San Antonio Spurs are not loving their options at number one going into tonight’s NBA Draft. Swamp nuts, the wings, eyes, and ears of A Fly On The Ball, are soaring by every steaming fresh pile in Texas for more details.

After verified reports emerged last night regarding Victor Wembanyama’s disdain for the franchise, the Spurs don’t want to risk selecting the top prospect in this year’s draft in fear that he might pull a Dimitrius Underwood

No matter what San Antonio decides to do in tonight’s draft, this will go down as one of the most embarrassing moments in franchise history. The front office did zero due diligence on any other prospect leading up to the draft. They were under the assumption they had a shoo-in Hall of Fame selection in the bag. Here’s an undercover sneak peek at the front office of the San Antonio Spurs just two days ago:

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Victor Wembanyama Retires From NBA After Learning of San Antonio Spurs’ Questionable Past

Victor Wembanyama

There have never been more douchebags on social media than there are today, which means no prospect has ever had their dick publicly sucked more than Victor Wembanyama before they’ve even stepped foot on an NBA court. 

They say he’s Kevin Durant combined with Rudy Gobert. Michael Jordan combined with Hakeem Olajuwon. How could the 7-foot-3 Frenchman fail?

Yet, some skeptics suggest the 19-year-old with a silky smooth jumper and an alien-like 8-foot wingspan could still be a bust at the next level. Remember, Wembanyama hasn’t taken a traditional route to the NBA. 

He’s coming over from France, known more for overhyping meaningless statues than developing NBA superstars. This isn’t LeBron James or Michael Jordan. Chances are Victor Wembanyama is a bust, folks. 

But those with a keen eye who know Wemby doesn’t have a chance in the NBA won’t have to worry about being wrong. They’ve forced this freakishly large creature into retirement before the games have even begun.

The San Antonio Spurs hoped to add Wembanyama, making him the immediate face of a franchise in desperate need of a savior. However, reports out of France have the athlete retiring instead.

The stunning decision was seemingly triggered after encountering his first Spurs fan on June 17, just five days before the NBA Draft. Wembanyama witnessed this crazed fanatic sell his soul, getting a fugly haircut depicting the Frenchman shown below. 

But clearly, some shit was steaming behind the scenes as the Spurs were seemingly aware of Wembanyama getting cold feet days ahead of time. On the 14th, it was reported that the Spurs would hold an undescribed press conference two days after the draft, no doubt an attempt to save face following yet another embarrassment with Wembanyama ditching town.

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San Antonio Spurs’ past shocked Victor Wembanyama

While the artwork depicted above played a heavy role in the decision, the initial issue stemmed from Wembanyama learning about the Spurs’ very questionable past. 

Which head coach has the best win percentage in NBA history? Gregg Popovich. Which NBA team has the best win percentage of all time? The San Antonio Spurs

So how the fuck are they in position to land the best NBA prospect since Jesus Christ built LeBron James in NBA 2K? Something’s off here, and it doesn’t take a shitload of flies flapping their wings together to figure it out. 

Popovich doesn’t need Wemby’s Hall of Fame skills to build a winner. Pop has done this his entire 74-year coaching career with players far less talented than some hotshot kid with a wicked jump shot. The guy’s a dedicated lifer.

First, it was David Robinson. He did his best to stay away from the Spurs, even going to the lengths of joining the fucking Navy to do so.

Seriously, what shredded 7-footer elects to do 1,000 pushups a day on a fucking submarine instead of playing in the NBA? That’s how much D-Rob was trying to evade San Antonio. Robinson lasted two full years on that submarine, crammed in there like a fucking sardine, before being forced to join the Spurs’ circus.

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Nikola Jokić Retires From NBA To Become Horse Jockey

Nikola Jokić Retires From NBA To Become Horse Jockey Meme from A Fly On The Ball Sports Satire

The Joker Rides off Into Sunset an NBA Champion

Nikola Jokić just led the Denver Nuggets to the 2022-23 NBA championship. He is on top of the world but he doesn’t plan on staying in Denver very long. A Fly On The Ball was buzzing around the team’s championship celebration last night and overheard some stirring comments from someone described with a very distinct Serbian accent:

“Playing this season made me realize how much I miss my horses. Horses have such a short lifespan compared to us, I don’t want to waste the best years of my life playing a meaningless game.”

– Voice with Distinct Serbian Accent

First of all, congratulations to Nikola Jokić and the Denver Nuggets for winning the ‘chip. This was Denver’s first NBA Finals appearance in franchise history. The fact that these quotes are circulating after such a glorious accomplishment is sending shockwaves throughout the sports world. 

A Fly On The Ball reports hearing even more telling quotes from the same Serbian voice during the team’s championship celebration:

“I have already proven I am the best, what’s left for me to prove at this point? I have always dreamed of becoming a jockey at the Kentucky Derby. It’s finally time for me to fulfill my dream so I’m moving home, to Serbia, to begin my jockey training.”

– Voice with Same Distinct Serbian Accent

If these sources prove to be reliable, Jokić steps away as a champion in the prime of his playing career. The Joker played his heart out, taking his Denver Nuggets all the way to the 2022-23 NBA Finals and ultimately winning the Larry O’Brien trophy, all by himself. These recent quotes suggest he is satisfied with calling it a career at this point.

Jimmy Butler and the Miami Heat Lose Steam Down Stretch

To be fair, the Miami Heat and Jimmy ‘Can’t Get’ Buckets looked like they did not even belong in the NBA Finals for three out of the five games. Jimmy has proven time after time that he is not capable of being a clutch player. He is a maximum-effort player, a talented hustler at best. However, he is just way too streaky to be the top scoring option on a team with championship aspirations. 

Butler tried to hustle so many teams on his way out the door but here’s a big newsflash, it takes a team to win in the NBA. That is, of course, unless your name is Nikola Jokić. With his unselfish play and blue-collar attitude, Jokić proved he was the best player in the NBA on a night when the entire world was watching. 

Jokić offers a refreshing image for an NBA player that’s a stark contrast from the me-first, diva demeanor of Jimmy Butler. Butler forever enshrined himself in the selfish hall of shame with his epic meltdown during a Minnesota Timberwolves practice that ended in a discreet, behind-closed-doors session with Rachel Nichols.

Even though the meeting with Nichols was ‘private,’ an intentionally leaked tape emerged to suggest Jimmy had a closer relationship with the reporter than people initially believed. There was plenty of shit-talking between players on the court that leads A Fly On The Ball to believe those rumors are indeed true.

The sad thing is, Butler was supposed to be the leader and level-headed veteran on that very young and impressionable Wolves team. Does Jimmy sound like the kind of guy you’d want in your locker room? For most teams, the answer to that question is no.

Jimmy Butler practically played himself out of the Association with his performance in this year’s NBA Finals. He looked like a washed-up never-was who couldn’t keep up with the young energy and physicality brought to the court by the Denver Nuggets.

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Nikola Jokić Calls It Quits and Gets Enshrined

Jokić, on the other hand, cemented himself as a true legend of the game. As the Joker makes the transition from being a household NBA name to being just another jockey at Churchill Downs, his unselfish character will surely earn him some brownie points with his horses. Who knows, maybe he will even offer to lose some weight for the sake of his horses.

Even if Nikola doesn’t shed a few pounds, sources close to Jokić say he is really just looking to blend into society at this point in his life. A Fly On The Ball questions his choice to become the world’s first nearly seven-foot-tall jockey if he’s really just looking to fade away. 

Jokić doesn’t seem to care what other people think, he just wants to get home to his horses. A fly on the scene heard his response when asked how he feels after winning the MVP and the Larry O’B in the same season:

“It’s good, it’s good. The job is done, we can go home now.”

– Nikola Jokić
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Phoenix Suns Officially Waiving Chris Paul

Phoenix Suns Officially Waiving Chris Paul

It looks like the sun is setting for good on the championship aspirations of the Devin Booker, Kevin Durant, and Chris Paul-era Phoenix Suns. It’s not an entirely surprising move after the Suns failed to meet their governor’s unrealistic expectations of winning an NBA Championship this season.

Listen, teams make a lot of mistakes when they trade for stars. Some trades become a disaster, while other deals take time for the chemistry to mesh. You could classify the Minnesota Timberwolves as a team in the “trades that take time to evaluate” category and until today, you could have included the Phoenix Suns in that bucket as well.

The problem is usually impatience. Flies fucking know the entire world’s shit. We hear that shit at every fresh pile. Every single fan is tinker-happy in the modern era of sports. You all think you know better than the fucking general managers of these teams.

You want to know some breaking news? You don’t. You don’t fucking know shit. Now, put yourself in the shoes of a person who just acquired an NBA team. It is not all that much different than handing the keys to an NBA franchise over to pretty much any fan.

The reality is pretty obvious. Almost all incoming team ownership groups are looking to make their own mark on the franchise. By the fucking way, they ARE owners, not fucking governors. The “woke” spin in this league is fucking ridiculous sometimes, the NBA isn’t fooling anybody but themselves.

With that being said, new owners like to tinker with their new toys. Unfortunately, experienced general managers such as Danny Ainge absolutely feast on incoming or desperate ownership groups in professional sports. Ainge has fleeced some teams more than once. Cough, Timberwolves, cough.

The impatience, naivety, and arrogance of incoming ownership groups is almost all too predictable at this point. They take a swing for the fences and guess what? It usually doesn’t work out as envisioned. However, is that a good enough reason to abandon ship right away?

Big kudos to the transitioning Minnesota Timberwolves ownership group led by Mark Lore and legendary baseball player Alex Rodriguez for not pulling a Mat Ishbia yet this offseason. Both the Phoenix Suns and Minnesota Timberwolves corked the bats with blockbuster trades recently.

The well-documented and unfairly scrutinized acquisition of Rudy Gobert for the Timberwolves did not lead to the kind of success many people’s expectations set for the 2022-23 season. They also ran into the Denver Nuggets in the first round of the NBA Playoffs. 

For what it’s worth, heading into the NBA Finals, the Nuggets had only lost a total of three playoff games. One of those losses was to the Wolves while the other two losses came at the mercy of the Phoenix Suns.

Think about that for a moment. The Denver Nuggets look like the best team in the NBA playoffs. They literally were on cruise control throughout the playoffs and Nikola Jokić has even found enough spare time to FaceTime his horses back in Serbia.

That’s from the official NBA on ESPN Twitter account, y’all. Confirmed sources, always accurate. Let’s get back to basketball though. The only two teams capable of pulling off a win against the Nuggies in the Western Conference Playoffs were the Suns and the Wolves. Two teams linked together through guilt by association.

Like the Wolves, the Suns decided to get their sluggers to the plate with a pinch-hitting blockbuster trade for Kevin Durant leading up to the NBA trade deadline. On March 3, 2023, the Suns sent Mikal Bridges, Cam Johnson, Jae Crowder, and four first-round draft picks to the Brooklyn Nets for the Slim Reaper and T.J. Warren. The two teams also swapped their 2028 first-round picks.

Both the Wolves and Suns made similar sacrifices to take a win-now approach. In Minnesota’s case, Karl-Anthony Towns was injured for a majority of the regular season. He missed a total of 51 consecutive games due to a torn right calf muscle. 

Yet, Ant Edwards and crew still made the fucking playoffs. They fought and clawed their way in only to run into a Nikola Jokić-sized wall that the rest of the NBA is learning is, well, no joke. 

More importantly, Ant and KAT got a taste of what is required to make the leap to contender status. It’s not going to be easy. Just ask the goat himself, Michael Jordan, who did not even win his first playoff series until his fourth NBA season.

Sometimes it takes patience to get where you want to go in the NBA. Patience is key. Perhaps Lore and Rodriguez understand this now. They certainly did not do any ill-advised knee-jerk reactions after their playoff elimination. It’s business as usual around the Wolves’ practice facilities.

Chris Finch is eager to get back to coaching this group of guys and the players are ready to take another crack at it next season, together. Flies around the Wolves are reporting team unity, Jaden McDaniels shooting basketballs again, and a pack that appears hungry for success.

Meanwhile, the Phoenix Suns eventually ran into that same Nikola-sized wall, guarded by the Joker himself. The Suns could not seem to find their bat signal and ultimately were eliminated from the playoffs. That led to new team owner Mat Ishbia making the decision to fire head coach Monty Williams. Interesting knee-jerk move.

Some flies even speculated that Durant was looking forward to playing under Monty again. Now Williams is gone just a few months after Durantula joined the team. So much for that. Which leads to a lot of questions regarding why Phoenix is making the decision to move on from CP3.

Assuming there are no internal locker room issues between Booker, Durant, and Paul, there really is no reason to move on from one of the greatest point guards in NBA history. A Fly On The Ball caught up with some fresh piles in the Phoenix area to get the full scoop.

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Aging NBA Superstar Too Damn Old for Phoenix Community

In a shocking decision that seems to be mutual for both parties, the Phoenix Suns are officially shopping Chris Paul with the full intention of waiving him when no suitor is found. Luckily for Suns fans, Utah Jazz general manager Danny Ainge is not currently accepting phone calls from a 602 area code.

It took a while but after doing some digging, A Fly On The Ball has uncovered the truth behind why Phoenix is waiving Chris Paul. It really comes down to creative differences, which is just a fancy way to hide termination status through age discrimination. 

Paul believes he has a lot left in the tank. The Suns, not so much. In fact, the city of Phoenix has made it clear they are looking to “attract talent” which means they might not be very happy with some of their current employees.

In order to make room for this new talent, the city has to let some of its employees go. As seen by a fly on the wall, Chris Paul is at the very top of that list. Meanwhile, Chris Paul is not ready to accept the reality that Father Time is catching up. 

Like most people clinging to their glory days, CP3 isn’t ready to let go of his playing career just yet. Sure, there are a lot of jokes that could be made about retirement here, but none of them work. However, there seems to be more than meets the eye here.

City officials in Phoenix are serious about attracting new talent but they realize the area might have a bit of a branding problem. It’s full of retired and elderly people. Some locals are pushing back with an agenda to see Phoenix transition from a retirement community to a hip, youthful scene.

It’s out with the Metamucil and in with the edibles for the new Phoenix youth movement. Attracting promising, vibrant minds has been a challenge for the historically well-preserved community. For starters, the majority of restaurants get busy right around 4 p.m. every single day as they struggle to meet the demands of the early bird special dinner rush.

Retirees flock to these restaurants in massive numbers just to save a few fucking bucks on their meal. By the time normal people show up to eat dinner after 6 p.m., it’s slim pickins. You can eat anything you like as long as it’s lukewarm leftovers at that point. I’d rather eat shit because I’m a fucking fly.

On top of that, retired people wake up on Monday with absolutely nothing to do. In fact, every single day of a retired person’s life is the weekend. Imagine that. Sounds rough.

As a result, if you drive through a retired community on any morning, it’s like a ghost town. Everything is closed except for the country club, a curling salon, and a fucking Denny’s. Hope you like playing bingo at 9 a.m. on a Saturday fucking morning. That’s what living in Phoenix is like.

It might not sound like the tits to you but Chris Paul was just getting comfortable and ready to make Phoenix his own retirement community choice. Unfortunately for CP3, the 12-time NBA All-Star known as The Point God just isn’t a good fit for the hip, youthful Phoenix scene that city officials are trying to establish. 

From participating in shuffleboard to competitive speed walking, the 38-year-old dinosaur has been all over TV showing the world how he is preparing for life after basketball. Phoenix is where Chris Paul and his family call home.

Now the city of Phoenix is asking Chris Paul and his grandchildren to leave because he is just too old. Elderly people are no longer are welcome in Phoenix, Arizona. Will your parents be asked to leave next? 

Only time will tell, assuming they have any time left before they’re kicked out. Pretty soon your parents will be living in your basement thanks to the new direction Phoenix is taking citywide. Chris Paul was only the first domino to fall.

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Jimmy Butler Isolates in Escape Room After Miami Heat Loss

Jimmy Butler

All NBA teams and players handle wins and losses differently. The great ones dive into the film, maybe hit the weight room or go back to the court to work on their game. Not Jimmy Butler. At the moment, Jimmy Butler is not handling the feelings that come with being a loser with any kind of fucking poise.

After the fifth NBA Finals loss of his overrated career, Butler didn’t head back to the drawing board or gather with his teammates. In fact, he didn’t do anything that might resemble the Heat culture Pat Riley and the Miami Nose Candy have worked so sleeplessly to build. 

Strung out or not, it’s no wonder Pat’s forgotten that 42-year-old Udonis Haslem is even still on the roster. Maybe that has more to do with Riley’s age at this point.

Instead, Butler proved why he’ll never take the steps necessary to become an NBA star. According to General Soreness himself, Butler opted to head to an ‘escape room’ after letting his teammates down once again. Meanwhile, his Miami Heat teammates are the ones who have to dig deep and find their playoff balls as they feel abandoned by their fearful leader.

Just like when Jimmy was limping his way off the Minnesota Timberwolves, his teammates are the ones left to pick up the slack while attempting to carry the team to the finish line. Of course, this time Butler did not even need the scraper, Rachel Nichols, to carry out his diabolical plan of self-destruction and team chemistry implosion.

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Jimmy Butler on Downward Spiral Toward Rock Bottom

His shame grew so great that Butler was afraid to even show his face following the team’s 104-93 loss to Nikola Jokic and the Denver Nuggets. Understandably so. This deliberate avoidance of the media after a career-defining loss takes the walk of shame to a whole new level.

Unfortunately, nothing in Butler’s life is going right, as usual. Here are the has-been’s almost-too-revealing comments following Game 1:

“Played a lot of spades. Spades didn’t go too well for me yesterday, now that I think about it. I’m going to do an escape room tonight. I think my guys went and saw Spiderman today. Just doing normal stuff, because at the end of the day, I’m as normal as they come. It’s not always about basketball.”

As Butler admits, it’s not about basketball anymore for the never-will-be. It’s sad to hear him try to convince the general public he’s “as normal as they come.” It’s clear the soon-to-be former athlete has completely lost touch with who he is as of late. 

First of all, there is nothing normal about forcing your way off of every single team you have ever been on for selfish reasons. Secondly, why didn’t Jimmy Butler go with his teammates to see Spiderman? It’s become pretty clear Jimmy Butler’s teammates have grown tired of the NBA’s version of Bozo the Clown and his borderline-psychopathic antics.

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LeBron James Absolutely Prefers Watching NBA Finals Over Competing at 38 Years Old

LeBron James, NBA Finals

For the tenth time in his career, LeBron James has chosen not to participate in the NBA Finals. With four championship rings sitting at home, you won’t hear even a buzz of the 19-time All-Star being interested in another NBA title run any time soon.

After the Los Angeles Lakers’ 58th failure to win an NBA championship, the complacent James is once again gleefully settling back into his imprinted couch groove, where he could be found in each of the past three years, an annual trend at this point in the former high school great’s career.

Despite the NBA’s desire for James to play on the Association’s biggest stage, evidenced by the Lakers having the highest free throw differential in 2023, this is a player-driven league. The Lakers have enough titles, and James isn’t in it for the accolades. He’s made that clear several times.

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Nothing LeBron James Would Rather Do Than Watch NBA Finals

At this point, after being in the league for 20 seasons, there is nothing James would rather do than watch the NBA Finals instead of competing for a chance to win another clunky championship ring. 

After all, he’s managed to avoid having to lift the roughly 30-pound Larry O’Brien Trophy in 16-of-20 NBA seasons. Now 38 years old, that additional day of lifting takes a true toll on the wilting former Florida resident. 

Life hasn’t been entirely miserable for James since Adam Silver took over as commissioner from David Stern in 2014. Under Silver’s control, James has only had to lift the NBA Finals Trophy once. Meanwhile, James’ hand was forced three times under Stern’s narrative. 

Somehow, Silver fooled the public in 2020, sneaking everyone away to a concealed bubble and rigging the system so James had to take the trophy home one last time. But the former Cleveland Cavaliers’ No. 1 pick hadn’t forgotten his roots. 

Later, in 2023, when the Lakers would be locked into paying him $44.4 million whether James led L.A. to an NBA Finals appearance or not, LBJ finally put his foot down and made sure the Lakers wouldn’t stand a chance of advancing to the final stage by once again putting together a roster of misfits. 

The thing is, he already played 55 games during the regular season and 16 more in the playoffs. Anything more than that, and James runs the risk of nearly playing a full 82-game season. That’s just not enticing for the 2004 NBA Rookie of the Year. Where’s the incentive? 

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James Less Grumpy When He Can Rest in June

Besides, based on several local ballbangers close to the situation, James is emotionally in a much better place when he can get his rest days at the start of June when the NBA’s best are playing for a chance at a title. 

James is a massive basketball fan, and June is when enthusiasts can tune into the biggest NBA event of the season. Who wouldn’t want to be in your element (for James, that’s at home) during one of the most-anticipated matchups of the year? That’s when the greats are at work. 

Of course, James’ early vacation is in addition to taking several millennial days off in-season, where the Akron, Ohio native has masterfully gone 19 years without playing all 82 games.

Instead of being forced to play by the league office, James gets to enjoy a few brewskis with the fellas or just get couch-locked when the edibles kick in as he sails smoothly into the evening while binge-watching something on Netflix. 

The Chosen One lives on his own terms. Jumping when he chooses, firing teammates on sight, and making trades when someone gets too close to uncovering his plot. These are the facts. 

James may return to the NBA Finals later in his career, but it won’t be by choice. He’d much rather be at home, watching the greatest athletes of our generation put it all on the line as they chase their dream, making the kind of memories true fans of the game will never be able to forget instead.

As we know, sitting out of the Finals is what he’s best at, even if he’s led some misinformed sports ‘fans’ to believe otherwise. And that’s why LeBron James is the GOAT. 

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Will Bob Myers Reject Golden State Warriors’ Record Offer to Focus on Golf?

Bob Myers

If you’re reading this right now, you might be in the same boat as Bob Myers, the president and GM of the Golden State Warriors. Do you seriously have nothing better to do right now than sniff around this pile?

Well, whatever you’re doing, you’d probably rather be playing golf. That’s what Bob Myers would rather do than deal with the upcoming decisions looming the once proud modern day dynasty that is the Dubs. I heard it through a friend of a friend who was buzzing around the back nine where Bob was swinging his clubs when the Warriors’ extension offer came through. 

He allegedly read the offer and proceeded to give his tee shot a wicked slice that went into the rough. Bob was not pleased, to say the least. There were some profanities followed by a club that went flying toward a fellow fly. Apparently, the club appeared to have been bent over a knee, violently.

Some of the words heard included frustrated rumblings regarding why somebody would have the nerve to bother somebody at the fucking golf course. There were bits about needing more time to work on their golf game and even what seemed like pointed comments regarding the new CBA and how the aging Warriors are fucked.

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