Brandon Staley Calls Fire Department To Report Flames Under His Seat

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Brandon Staley Calls Fire Department To Report Flames Under His Seat - Brandon Staley Flushes Chargers Job Down Toilet

Los Angeles Chargers Head Coach Already On Hot Seat

What happens when you are a defensive-minded head coach in the NFL who has one of the elite young quarterbacks in the league? High expectations. Both the fans and front office expect the defense to keep its young gunslinger in every single game. Unfortunately, for Brandon Staley and the Los Angeles Chargers, Justin Herbert can’t sling it and play defense. It’s not his job.

Things haven’t exactly been going smoothly for the Bolts this season, which only adds fuel to the fire after the Chargers lost their Wild Card playoff game in historical fashion last season. Even Staley is feeling the pressure, which is why he called his local fire department to report flames under his seat after watching film of his squad’s latest loss.

Once the fire department arrived, they could not find any signs of a potential fire whatsoever. As a result, the LAFD recommended Staley seek professional help to help him with his panic attacks, Todd Haley-level paranoia, and hallucinogenic trauma. Even the LAFD can see the writing on the wall, they want him fired just as much as the rest of Los Angeles.

In the end, nobody had the heart to tell Brandon Staley the truth about his horseshit results while coaching the Chargers before the fire department left the scene. The only coach doing a worse job than Staley is fellow AFC West head coach Sean Payton, a proven loser. Payton has not even won a single game for the Denver Broncos yet, despite throwing the previous coaching regime under the bus before the season even began.

Looking at the numbers, it’s clear that Brandon Staley is on the hot seat. Chances are he will not even make it through next week if the Chargers lose to the Vikings on Sunday. Perhaps that’s why Staley has been snapping back at reporters and storming out of press conferences lately. Staley should be blaming himself while taking a deep breath and saying goosfraba.

It’s no secret that Chargers fans have been calling for Staley’s head for some time. That pretty much means Chargers fans are cheering for the Minnesota Vikings this Sunday. Why not? If you can get Staley out of the way, maybe the Chargers will make a late-season resurgence to give you hope for the future.

The Chargers roster is too stacked to tank for better draft positioning and you certainly don’t want to firesale into a full-blown rebuild. Herbert is too good. It would be disrespectful to do that without trading your superstar QB away. There is no way the Chargers are looking to move Herbert. That’s not on the table.

Brandon Staley Flames Out as Los Angeles Chargers Head Coach

The real problem is obvious. The head coach is losing the locker room. Nobody is playing hard for him. Especially the defense. Staley coaches not to lose, which makes him a cowardly HC. To have success in the NFL, you need to know your moment to strike. With Herbert and Bosa on the roster, you need to put your foot on the gas and go for the kill. Every. Single. Drive.

Including the postseason, Staley has a pathetic career coaching record of 19 wins and 18 losses. That’s a paltry .514 winning percentage. If he were coaching the Houston Texans the past few seasons, that would actually be impressive. Sadly, he’s coaching one of the most talented and underperforming teams in the league which means his effort just isn’t cutting it.

Leave it to the Chargers to fuck up another great quarterback’s career. Dan Fouts and Philip Rivers know what’s up. So did Eli Manning, which is why he steered clear of that clown show. The crazy thing is, for all the talented players to wear a Chargers uniform throughout history, they have never won a Super Bowl. Staley has done nothing to change that throughout his tenure.

As reported by PFT, according to the Elias Sports Bureau, five third-year coaches have started 0-3 since 2010 and only two of them have kept their job through the end of their third season. Staley just so happens to be in his third (and final) year on the job.

As a so-called defensive specialist, Staley’s 2023 defense ranks 30th out of 32 teams in points against through the first two games. In 2022, Staley’s defensive genius ranked 21st in points against. During his first year on the so-called job, Staley’s little D energy ranked 29th. They’ve never been a good defense under Staley and they never will be.

Sorry, Chargers fans. You must suffer through another game under the Staley regime. Don’t worry, it’s almost over. After the Vikings put Staley out of his misery, you might be able to see some light at the end of the tunnel. At least you still have Herbert. That’s better than most teams in the league.

Eventually Herbert is going to want to play for a perennial winner. Chargers fans are hoping that happens while he’s still wearing powder blues. Only time will tell. Just remember, Skol on Sunday to reach greener pastures for the Bolts’ future.

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Buzz McFly hears all the latest buzz through his impressive network consisting of millions of flies swarming near every pile of shit in the entire world. When shit goes down, Buzz has eyes on the scene waiting to bask in the latest filth and dirt. Growing up an avid sports fan, his credibility in the field is second to none. He comes from a long line of spectator sporting event reporters willing to lay it all on the line for a fresh scoop of the latest news before it breaks wind anywhere else.

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