Harvey Ballbanger - A FLY ON THE BALL

NFL Visionary Launches Campaign to Bring Barry Sanders Back to Detroit Lions’ Backfield

November 22, 2023November 22, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

Now you see him, now you don’t. It isn’t magic or grease on his jersey. That’s just the story of Barry Sanders, juking NFL defenders out of their cleats.

Between the lines, Sanders is in his own world. Just ask John Lynch.

Barry Sanders scores a TD, then jukes Lynch#Lions pic.twitter.com/Wn8TcdUjDy
— Old Time Football 🏈 (@Ol_TimeFootball) February 1, 2023

Would-be tacklers thought they had the 5-foot-8 running back in their grasp, but just like Detroit Lions Super Bowl wins, Sanders always seemed to find a new way out.

Then, one day, at the peak of his career, Sanders suddenly slipped away from the NFL for a moment, too.

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James Harden on Los Angeles Clippers’ Struggles: Don’t Blame Me, It’s the System

November 14, 2023December 23, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

Seven-time All-NBA guard James Harden is a very good basketball player. He’s a former MVP winner, a ten-time All-Star, and a three-time scoring champion. Some might even say he is the system.

James Harden: “I am the system”

The system: pic.twitter.com/U9JfK3Lj3f
— BrickMuse (@BrickMuse) November 9, 2023

But not last year, when Harden had to play second fiddle while teammate Joel Embiid stole the spotlight by winning NBA MVP instead. For the first time since 2012, Harden didn’t even make an All-Star team. It wasn’t a good look for The Beard.

James Harden without his beard (2012). pic.twitter.com/8NO3RcfqSV
— Ballsack Sports (@BallsackSports) September 6, 2023

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It’s Time To Admit the Cincinnati Bengals Will Never Win a Super Bowl

November 12, 2023May 20, 2024 Harvey Ballbanger

The Cincinnati Bengals have made it to the Super Bowl three times, but they’ve never been the better team, always failing to win on the NFL’s biggest stage. It’s an embarrassing fact for an up-and-coming franchise that has one of the league’s best quarterbacks on the roster with Joe Burrows.

But the Bengals were in the Super Bowl two years ago and came just four points away from changing the franchise’s status as a lifetime loser forever. The fans in Cincinnati haven’t given up hope since, clinging to the dream of joining the big leagues as a respectable NFL franchise.

Yet, the Bengals fanbase might want to re-evaluate their loyalty because those waiting on a Super Bowl will end up wasting all their time on a franchise that doesn’t have the same level of commitment to winning. Here are just three reasons why the Cincinnati Bengals will never win a Super Bowl, as sad as it sounds.

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Bryce Young Grows Mullet To Deal With NFL Pressure

November 9, 2023November 28, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

Do you remember when Bryce Young stood tall among his peers as the best quarterback prospect available in the 2023 NFL Draft?

The Chicago Bears remember because they earned the first overall pick. Yet, with a franchise QB already in place, the Bears could smell desperation from the Carolina Panthers, with David Tepper eager to make another investment that had the potential to go to the moon.

But so far, investing in Bryce Young’s stock has gone tits up.

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NFL Trade Deadline Sources: Players Most Likely To Be Traded by Oct. 31

October 27, 2023December 15, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

As even your girlfriend will tell you, there’s no period like the NFL trade deadline. This year, that spooky time of the month comes on Oct. 31, and as always, there are plenty of teams looking to shake up their rosters. Which NFL players are on the trade block? Who’s most likely to be traded before Tuesday’s deadline?

Here’s a fresh pile of what A Fly On The Ball’s locker room sources chewed out, including NFL players guaranteed to be traded in 2023.

Searching For Funny Fantasy Football Team Names?

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3 Reasons Why the Minnesota Vikings Will Never Win a Super Bowl

October 16, 2023May 10, 2024 Harvey Ballbanger

Some ships are made of metal. Some ships are made of wood. But the best ships–championships– don’t belong to Vikings. Imagine if they could?

On second thought, no. Don’t do that.

There’s no point in wasting an ounce of energy dreaming about living in some fantasy world. Nothing has changed since the day you came into this world as a soggy mess no one wanted anything to do with. The Minnesota Vikings didn’t have any Super Bowl wins then, and the same will remain true when you leave this earth, when no one will want anything to do with you again, as your team remains a complete loser. That’s just life for a Vikings fan.

Yet, believe it or not, there are still some sick fucks out there (their term is a “glutton for punishment” oofta) who hold out hope that the Vikings will not only win a Super Bowl but possibly even later this season. We’re not joking. It’s a real condition several suffer from. Perhaps you’ve heard of Skoliosis?

Unlike cowbell, there really is no prescription. Not that you need to fuck yourself up any further. You’re already a Vikings fan, for god’s sake. You betcha, it doesn’t get any worse than that donchaknow.

Anyway, here are three reasons why the Minnesota Vikings will never win a Super Bowl.

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Why the Houston Texans Will Win the Super Bowl This Season

October 15, 2023November 21, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

As the newest franchise in the NFL, it’s not surprising that the Houston Texans don’t have any Super Bowl wins just yet. But this team is 21 now. It’s time to accept some responsibilities and get serious about trying to win.

The good news is the Texans have done a really good job preparing for the real world. From getting rid of Bill O’Brien to cleansing themselves of douchebag Jack Easterby, hope is finally on the horizon in Houston.

Then we have the arrival of a franchise quarterback in C.J. Stroud, one of the most accurate passers in the NFL. Stroud’s ability to deliver footballs like Jesus delivered bread will lead the Texans to the promised land, and I believe it happens this season. Here’s why.

Searching For Funny Houston Texans Fantasy Football Team Names?

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Why the Washington Commanders Will Win the Super Bowl This Season

October 15, 2023December 2, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

After decades of fielding a near NFL-caliber roster aside from quarterback, the Washington Commanders have stumbled into their franchise savior with Sam Howell. He joins Ron Rivera, one of the best coaches in the league, finally operating under an ownership group that gives a damn about winning instead of rimming (well, maybe not Magic Johnson, but he’s Magic).

So far, we’ve seen the expected bumps and bruises from the Commanders. Moments when they show the potential of an elite passing offense. Then there are times when the Commanders make the Chicago Bears look like a playoff team. That’s life in the NFL.

But A Fly On The Ball has seen enough to know that the Commanders are on a unique path that leads to a Super Bowl win in February of 2024. Here’s why we’ll all be celebrating a Commanders Super Bowl win later this season.

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Zach Wilson Seeks Travis Kelce’s Mom’s Number Following New York Jets’ Loss to Kansas City Chiefs

October 3, 2023May 20, 2024 Harvey Ballbanger

Zach Wilson almost shocked the world with a near victory over the Kansas City Chiefs on Sunday Night Football. Wilson finally showed some spunk, looking like the former No. 2 overall pick he was drafted to be. But no one saw the New York Jets QB’s biggest play of the night, which actually came after the game ended.

A Fly On The Ball in the Jets’ facility reports Wilson stepped foot in the film room this week, knowing a special guest would be in the house. Despite the extra preparation, Wilson still had pre-game jitters thanks to a heightened desire to perform for what he hoped to be his new dime piece.

Did you think we were talking about Taylor Swift? She’s just not Wilson’s type. He’s never been a Swiftie, plus Wilson prefers a bit more seasoning on his chalupa.

Instead, Wilson had his eye on Travis Kelce’s mom, Donna Kelce, who attended the Chiefs-Jets game from a private suite at MetLife Stadium. If you look closely, you can see Wilson winking at her after each completion.

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Why the Indianapolis Colts Will Win the Super Bowl This Season

September 15, 2023November 23, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

The Indianapolis Colts have the third-worst Super Bowl odds this season, and it’s fuckin’ bullshit. The entire world is sleeping on the Colts, and I’m here to set the record straight.

Yeah, I realize the Colts haven’t won the Super Bowl since 2007. Fans know they haven’t won more than one playoff game since 2014. Sure, the last time we saw the Colts, they couldn’t even muster five wins. Last year, Jeff Saturday was more interested in tanking for Anthony Richardson while allowing the greatest comeback in football history, but that only sets up a more inspiring tale for Shane Steichen and Co. in 2023.

I won’t spend any time dwelling on the somber notes. Let’s cut to the chase. I’m not afraid to tell you what no one else has the cojones to say. The Indianapolis Colts are winning Super Bowl 58. Here’s why.

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