There have never been more douchebags on social media than there are today, which means no prospect has ever had their dick publicly sucked more than Victor Wembanyama before they’ve even stepped foot on an NBA court.
They say he’s Kevin Durant combined with Rudy Gobert. Michael Jordan combined with Hakeem Olajuwon. How could the 7-foot-3 Frenchman fail?
Yet, some skeptics suggest the 19-year-old with a silky smooth jumper and an alien-like 8-foot wingspan could still be a bust at the next level. Remember, Wembanyama hasn’t taken a traditional route to the NBA.
He’s coming over from France, known more for overhyping meaningless statues than developing NBA superstars. This isn’t LeBron James or Michael Jordan. Chances are Victor Wembanyama is a bust, folks.
But those with a keen eye who know Wemby doesn’t have a chance in the NBA won’t have to worry about being wrong. They’ve forced this freakishly large creature into retirement before the games have even begun.
The San Antonio Spurs hoped to add Wembanyama, making him the immediate face of a franchise in desperate need of a savior. However, reports out of France have the athlete retiring instead.
The stunning decision was seemingly triggered after encountering his first Spurs fan on June 17, just five days before the NBA Draft. Wembanyama witnessed this crazed fanatic sell his soul, getting a fugly haircut depicting the Frenchman shown below.
But clearly, some shit was steaming behind the scenes as the Spurs were seemingly aware of Wembanyama getting cold feet days ahead of time. On the 14th, it was reported that the Spurs would hold an undescribed press conference two days after the draft, no doubt an attempt to save face following yet another embarrassment with Wembanyama ditching town.
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San Antonio Spurs’ past shocked Victor Wembanyama
While the artwork depicted above played a heavy role in the decision, the initial issue stemmed from Wembanyama learning about the Spurs’ very questionable past.
Which head coach has the best win percentage in NBA history? Gregg Popovich. Which NBA team has the best win percentage of all time? The San Antonio Spurs.
So how the fuck are they in position to land the best NBA prospect since Jesus Christ built LeBron James in NBA 2K? Something’s off here, and it doesn’t take a shitload of flies flapping their wings together to figure it out.
Popovich doesn’t need Wemby’s Hall of Fame skills to build a winner. Pop has done this his entire 74-year coaching career with players far less talented than some hotshot kid with a wicked jump shot. The guy’s a dedicated lifer.
First, it was David Robinson. He did his best to stay away from the Spurs, even going to the lengths of joining the fucking Navy to do so.
Seriously, what shredded 7-footer elects to do 1,000 pushups a day on a fucking submarine instead of playing in the NBA? That’s how much D-Rob was trying to evade San Antonio. Robinson lasted two full years on that submarine, crammed in there like a fucking sardine, before being forced to join the Spurs’ circus.
Then, it was Tim Duncan. Obviously, the Big Fundamental didn’t have the balls to pull off such a move. Duncan isn’t traditionally known for making a big splash outside of the Florida Keys. But this Wemby kid’s different.
Think about it. Here we are, in 2023, and neither David Robinson nor Tim Duncan are still standing by coach Popovich on the Spurs’ roster. They should be there to help Pop mold this kid, but they are too busy fishing, collecting old cars, and exchanging war stories.
In the end, where did their largely forgettable careers get them? Not even to where Wembanyama’s status is today. Which is why he’s making the best decision possible by refusing to ever play basketball in the NBA. Especially for the Spurs, who do not need to add more clutter to their trophy case.
Instead, the Gumby-like stretch four with standout skills on both ends of the floor would prefer to actually be challenged in his next venture. Who knows where it could lead him, but it’s become clear basketball is just not in Victor Wembanyama’s future.
Besides, Wembanyama walking away from a bad situation shouldn’t surprise Spurs fans. Like Eva Longoria, Wembanyama couldn’t bear spending much time with Tony Parker, leaving his ASVEL Basket team after just one season despite signing a three-year agreement.
Now it appears Wembanyama will leave the Spurs before he even makes the mistake of putting on the Silver and Black. It’s easily the wisest decision an NBA player has ever made before their debut.
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Harvey Ballbanger loves to shoot the shit. If he were bigger, he’d probably be a baller. Hell, if he hadn’t gotten a wing clipped, he’d be Ballbangin’ for the NFL right now, messing around with triple-doubles in his downtime in the NBA. But that isn’t the case. Instead, Ballbanger’s letting it all hang out, delivering fresh piles, from one throne to another.
