Every empire eventually crumbles, just ask the San Francisco 49ers, who literally built the framework to become the next dynasty in the NFL. They were only missing one key ingredient, a quarterback who could take the Niners to the promised land. Cue Brock Purdy, Mr. Irrelevant from the 2022 NFL Draft.
As has often been the case throughout his career, former San Francisco heartthrob Jimmy Garoppolo found himself unable to play. The teams Garoppolo plays for often mask his injuries with buzzwords such as shoulder, thumb, ACL tear, or pedal foot fracture but the reality is actually much more severe.
The truth is, Garoppolo has a penal problem, he will always be prone to getting too much ass for one man to handle. Rumor has it that even Donna Kelce is trying to slip into Garoppolo’s DMs. He’s constantly having to manage his Tinder notifications, even rejecting solid dimes because his dick is too sore, injured, or broken to possibly go on.
Fortunately, this is a problem Brock Purdy will never have to face. For that, he should be considered lucky, not called derogatory names such as Mr. Irrelevant. That’s why the 49ers decided to take a chance on this Purdy kid with the final pick of the 2022 NFL Draft. Believe me, it had nothing to do with the fact that there were several other teams reportedly interested in signing Purdy as an undrafted free agent.
As a result, when the Niners saw Garoppolo break his cock again on December 4, 2022, they had no choice in the matter. It was time to throw Mr. Irrelevant, a.k.a. Brock Purdy, into the fire. He even had some success and that brief mirage pulled the wool over the eyes of nearly everyone around the NFL.
In the end, anything short of winning the Super Bowl should have been considered a disappointment by the 49ers Faithful. Instead, they gave themselves a pat on the back and said, “Look how far we got with a hobbled bum quarterback, good for us!” and called it a day.
Sure, Purdy injured his throwing elbow and limped his way off the field in the NFC Championship Game like a willing warrior. But ultimately, he failed. Yet, the entire fanbase and 49ers locker room foolishly rallied behind the guy who actually proved he wasn’t the guy by losing in the playoffs.
Mr. Irrelevant Proves Doubters Purdy Wrong
Purdy’s untimely but convenient injury allowed 49ers fans everywhere to make plenty of excuses for the team’s inability to bring a Lombardi Trophy to the Bay Area and finally let ‘em hang again for the first time since Steve Young played pigskin. This, of course, was right after the introduction of the legal forward pass.
However, if you go back and watch the tape, you’ll quickly realize that Brock Purdy is a noodle-arm quarterback. He didn’t have the arm strength or talent to push the ball down the field in the blustery conditions of playoff football before the elbow injury or surgery.
Tape doesn’t lie. Purdy is a JAG, just a guy. Best case scenario? Chad fucking Pennington. That’s your ceiling, Niner fans. You can only go down from there, just ask the New York Jets.
Sadly, the San Francisco 49ers have officially missed their contention window by betting on the wrong horse in Brock Purdy. First, they traded valuable assets away just for the right to select Trey Lance with the third pick of the 2021 NFL Draft.
You can’t really fault them for taking a flyer on potential but to do so with such conviction surely means they found their guy, right? Wrong. The Niners quickly named Purdy their starter before the 2023 season even began and proceeded to ship Lance to one of their old rivals in Dallas, Texas.
By giving up on Lance after his injuries and the emergence of Purdy, just to avoid an awkward locker room atmosphere, the San Francisco 49ers front office decided to flush those lost assets down the toilet permanently. In the end, the Dallas Cowboys swooped in to acquire Lance for pennies on the dollar.
Meanwhile, the 49ers entered the 2023 NFL season with Super Bowl aspirations. After the conclusion of Week 8, one thing couldn’t be more clear: anyone thinking Brock Purdy could lead the San Francisco 49ers to a Super Bowl was most definitely delusional.
They must be trippin’ balls again out there in Haight-Ashbury. With this level of mass hysteria, you’d think Jerry Garcia was back from the grave playing with the Grateful Dead again.
During the 49ers Week 7 loss to the Minnesota Vikings, Purdy didn’t just look average, he threw two crucial interceptions on his way to a loss. He looked like a liability, especially for a football team with so-called “championship” DNA.
Okay though, it was just one game so, no big deal, right? After all, a successful QB knows how to move on and bounce back. They know how to shake off a bad performance and rise to the occasion because that’s what they will eventually need to do in the playoffs.
Unfortunately, that’s the exact opposite of what Purdy did. To follow up his disastrous career-defining primetime debut, Purdy laid another egg in Week 8 against the Cincinnati Bengals. All Purdy did was throw two crushing picks and cough the football up with a lost fumble, essentially handing the Bengals their fourth win of the season.
As the 49ers enter their bye week with five wins and three losses, they are no longer in the driver’s seat of the NFC West. Nobody thinks the San Francisco 49ers will miss the playoffs or anything like that. However, there is plenty of debate heating up regarding how deep of a run the Niners can actually make in the playoffs.
That’s where things get a little scary for the 49ers. Here is a live look-in at the San Francisco 49ers’ locker room and fanbase confidence in Brock Purdy after the previous two games:
One by one, players and fans are beginning to lose their faith in Purdy Magic. Some say it was a myth all along. If the 49ers want to get balls deep into the NFL Playoffs this year, Purdy needs to nut the hell up.
At the very least, Mr. Irrelevant just needs to live up to his nickname and stay the hell out of the way. All Purdy has to do is not fuck up, the 49ers already determined they are okay with not having an elevator at football’s most important position by naming Purdy the starter. That’s why they went with an entry-level game manager.
Well, the 49ers didn’t just go clearance-bin, dumpster-diving, bargain-bin shopping for their starting quarterback. Brock Purdy is as basic as it gets. He is the lowest-paid starting QB in the NFL. He is the budget option and just like everything else in life, you always get what you paid for, Niners. Period.
Perhaps the San Francisco 49ers would be 7-1 right now if they didn’t stroll on the field with such a pedestrian QB. Even a true Mr. Irrelevant would be better than Brock Purdy has been for the 49ers recently. At least an irrelevant effort wouldn’t have such a big impact on the game in any kind of way.
Lately, the only impact Purdy has had on games has been negative. That’s just not winning team football. If Purdy keeps playing like this, there is no way he will take the 49ers balls deep into the playoffs this year or ever for that matter. In fact, he might learn that even Mr. Irrelevant can be benched for Sam Darnold.
Imagine that. Getting benched for Sam fucking Darnold? That’s rock bottom. Very few people know what that feels like. Brock might be joining Baker Mayfield on that list Purdy soon. That will actually make Purdy a little more relevant than his moniker leads people to believe.
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Buzz McFly hears all the latest buzz through his impressive network consisting of millions of flies swarming near every pile of shit in the entire world. When shit goes down, Buzz has eyes on the scene waiting to bask in the latest filth and dirt. Growing up an avid sports fan, his credibility in the field is second to none. He comes from a long line of spectator sporting event reporters willing to lay it all on the line for a fresh scoop of the latest news before it breaks wind anywhere else.
