As the newest franchise in the NFL, it’s not surprising that the Houston Texans don’t have any Super Bowl wins just yet. But this team is 21 now. It’s time to accept some responsibilities and get serious about trying to win.
The good news is the Texans have done a really good job preparing for the real world. From getting rid of Bill O’Brien to cleansing themselves of douchebag Jack Easterby, hope is finally on the horizon in Houston.
Then we have the arrival of a franchise quarterback in C.J. Stroud, one of the most accurate passers in the NFL. Stroud’s ability to deliver footballs like Jesus delivered bread will lead the Texans to the promised land, and I believe it happens this season. Here’s why.
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Last season, the Texans couldn’t even stop the Chicago Bears. That’s when you know you’re watching a minor league team ripe for delegation to the USFL. Justice was not served, and the Texans were given one last chance to show they belonged in the NFL, but not without showing some balls.
The biggest difference was making coach Lovie Smith the scapegoat, firing him after failing to win more games than David Culley could. Little did they know, the Texans would land a franchise legend in all-time tackles leader DeMeco Ryans as their new head coach. Then, the front office did what they’ve never done: Attempt to compete. As if hiring Ryans wasn’t already a sign that the Texans were tired of dickin’ around, they traded a future first for Will Anderson, college football’s best player.
We know it sounds crazy, and you may not see it now, but once these peasants get up to speed, the Texans are poised to become the league’s most ferocious herd. It’s only a matter of time.
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Houston Texans Will Become ‘America’s Team’
It’s no secret that the ‘America’s Team’ title is up for grabs. For a team to earn that title, you’d have to actually show you deserve it first. Or even that you want it. But the problem is the Dallas Cowboys haven’t exactly competed for anything, certainly not a Super Bowl, for decades now.
The situation is ripe for the Texans to take over. You can’t pay any attention to preseason expectations, where the Texans had an over/under set at 6.5 wins while having nearly insurmountable Super Bowl odds of +20000.
No. What you need to pay attention to is how the Texans are taking over Texas. We knew it was inevitable with the Cowboys’ perpetual failures, but no one knew it would happen so soon.
When the Texans win Super Bowl LVIII, everyone will see who ‘America’s Team’ really is. The Cowboys are so busy fretting about their star status that they won’t even see it coming.
With Stroud masking Houston’s problems offensively and Anderson roping in QBs like a modern-day Jared Allen, there’s nothing holding the Texans back this season. Not even their simplistic logo, pathetic helmets, or butt-ugly uniforms. Although, those Battle Red helmets are tits.
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Harvey Ballbanger loves to shoot the shit. If he were bigger, he’d probably be a baller. Hell, if he hadn’t gotten a wing clipped, he’d be Ballbangin’ for the NFL right now, messing around with triple-doubles in his downtime in the NBA. But that isn’t the case. Instead, Ballbanger’s letting it all hang out, delivering fresh piles, from one throne to another.
