Nature Is Calling the Kraken Home to Alaska
When will somebody from The Last Frontier start a petition to get an NHL team? You literally don’t even have to build an arena, just drop the puck on a glacier somewhere. Let’s play hockey. I’m sure the NHL will send a Zamboni your way and you can probably just find somebody from Ice Road Truckers to run that ice-cold rig.
Obviously, a basketball team wouldn’t make sense in Alaska, which is why the NBA wisely steers clear. Basketball is the world’s second most popular sport, behind American Football. The only football spelled with a capital “F”. People disappear in Alaska all the time, so we definitely can’t have an NBA or NFL team there. Repopulation is kinda important.
On top of that, a baseball team would never work. There is no summer there, which is why the only sport that makes sense is hockey. Why doesn’t Alaska have a fucking NHL team yet and what better candidate than the Seattle Kraken?
Nobody is afraid of anything in Seattle, which is why the Kraken would make more sense somewhere within the Alaska Triangle. People actually vanish there, without explanation. In Seattle, it just rains endlessly. Cry me a fucking river. Meanwhile, around the bend, Alaska strikes more fear in people than Pearl Jam ever could. Facts are facts.
As for the Kraken, it’s time to slip back into those icy cold waters and squirt your way to Juneau or Anchorage for a little change of scenery. You’ll be glad you did. Maybe you’ll even get some real fans.
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