It turns out money can’t buy happiness, even when you’re the New York Yankees, with a $558 million payroll. While this beef has been boiling over for generations, New York’s longstanding rivalry with its neighbors to the north, Canada in this case, has stooped to new lows.
Look. Nobody likes their neighbors. That’s just a fact. Here we have two areas who likely both feel they have gotten a raw deal. Seriously, imagine being neighbors with New York? Or even worse, being neighbors with Canada? Fuck that shit, right?
The Yankees have tons of money, and they have done their best to ignore their funny-sounding neighbors since 1903, but eventually, you just get sick of putting up with someone else’s shit. Buttons have to be pressed. Changes have to be made. That effort took on a life of its own on Wednesday.
Here we have a scenario where the New York Yankees are now refusing to play baseball, all because of Canada. But, really, think of the situation, do you blame them?
Notice how the New York Yankees are officially blaming Canada? That’s a significant development in this longstanding battle. The Toronto Blue Jays, New York’s American League East rivals, had no comment. But how could they? Who would listen?
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Philadelphia Phillies Copy New York Yankees
Bless the Philadelphia Phillies’ hearts. They heard about New York’s strike against Canada and felt compelled to do the same. But you’ll notice, as tempting as it is, they didn’t try and shift their mess on Canada’s plate.
Although, while Philadelphia is bold, New York gets some additional brownie points for going balls to the wall. They don’t give a fuck. They straight-up blamed Canada.
Meanwhile, Philly? They’re just looking for an excuse for a day off. Do you know they play 162 fucking games? This is likely why the Phillies have boycotted the playoffs in 10 of the past 11 seasons.
Yet, going back to the original issue, is this really even Canada’s fault to begin with? After all, according to IQAir, “New York City’s air quality is officially the worst in the world.” Buzz McFly’s sources can back up these claims:
“It’s fuckin bullshit out hea! Canada did it again! Can you believe it? There are some with the NERVE, the FUCKIN audacity, sayin we shouldn’t blame Canada? Some conspiracists are theorizin’ the what’s it called, ‘piss-poor air quality’? Yeah, they’re sayin’ it’s cuz of Jersey, you know, the people fartin cuz of the pizza and all that. But lemme tell ya, that ain’t it. I, and this is just between you and me, I don’t think I’ve farted all day, no, all week. Write that down. So yeah, I mean, New Yorkers aren’t even fartin’ anymore. This is all Canada, the proof is in the syrup. Oh, and go Yankees.“
Anonymous sources close to A Fly On A Ball’s Buzz McFly
Really? Not even farting anymore? That’s just not physically possible. Seriously, just look at this scene, and try and tell me with a straight face you haven’t farted all day, no, all week. We just don’t buy it. Shitty neighbors or not.
This shit doesn’t check out. Something smells way, way off.
The Yankees had no issues choking down their own farts suffering through nine innings in a 3-2 loss to the Chicago White Sox when air quality levels were measured to be unhealthy on Tuesday, so what changed?
Did everyone go out for a post-game burger and brewski, making an unhealthy situation practically unlivable? Now the air quality is actually considered hazardous, which is the same thing they say about natural gases. See a correlation?
How about instead of blaming Canada, we, as a nation, think twice before lifting a cheek and letting ‘er rip? Is it really that difficult? Do we have to continue picking fights with our neighbors, as shitty as they are? As they say, whoever smelt it, dealt it. That’s day one shit.
Continue reading “New York Yankees Blame Canada for MLB Postponements With Claims of ‘Poor Air Quality’”
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