1926 NHL Stanley Cup Treaty Gives United States Full Ownership of Hockey
The great hockey forefathers always knew this day would come and it’s finally here. Back in 1875, Canada claimed it invented the sport of ice hockey. Maybe that’s true but the country’s performance on the ice at the sport’s highest level says otherwise.
Take the Montreal Canadiens for example. They fucking suck. Here’s a team that plays in the city where Canadians claim the first game of indoor ice hockey was ever played in 1875. However, there’s a few problems with that statement that would classify as fake news in 2023.
For starters, the freezer wasn’t even invented until the year 1857. There is no way a third-world country, such as Canada, would have had access to a freezer in the year 1875.
Secondly, why would anyone in Canada try to move winter indoors? That makes about as much sense as searching for oceanfront property in Iowa. Good luck with that.
For the sake of letting Canada have at least one thing to brag about, we’ll concede that the very first game of hockey might have been played in France, the country responsible for the strange language they speak in Montreal. But not Canada. No-eh effin’ way-eh.
That’s because, when it comes to hockey, Canada will always be playing second fiddle to the United States from now on. Why?
Well, as it turns out, the rivalry between the U.S. and that strange country to the north extends back over 100 years. They even made a treaty, back in the day, that still holds up in the only court that matters: public opinion.
It all began in the year 1892, which just so happens to be the first time Lord Stanley’s Cup made an appearance as the Dominion Hockey Challenge Cup. Lame name, same game. There’s no doubt the NHL made the right decision to call it the Stanley Cup. Chalk that up as another point for the Americans.
Anyway, for several years, early on, the Stanley Cup was awarded to Canada’s best amateur teams. No joke. That really happened. That’s not even satire. It wasn’t until 1906 that professional teams were even eligible to compete for the Cup.
Then, in 1926, the NHL agreed to make the Stanley Cup its official championship trophy under one condition: if American teams ever held the Stanley Cup for 30 consecutive years, then hockey would officially become classified as an American sport. Forever.
To this day, the NHL denies this treaty exists. They say it’s the thing of tinfoil-hat-wearing conspiracy theorists. However, Gary Bettman knows of its existence and he couldn’t be happier about finally pulling off the ultimate heist: stealing hockey for the home team.
For those who don’t know, Gary Bettman was born in Queens, New York, in 1952. That spells red, white, and blue. Not maple fucking syrup.
Back in 1994, the New York Rangers defeated the Vancouver Canucks in the Stanley Cup Final to bring the cup to America, prying it away from the now-pathetic Montreal Canadiens. How ironic is it that the Canucks losing the Cup would set off a streak of bad luck that Canada has not overcome to this day?
Since the Vegas Golden Knights won the Cup on June 13, 2023, hockey’s ultimate trophy remains on American soil for the 29th year in a row. That means the Cup will still be in the possession of an American team as of January 1, 2024, which means hockey is now officially America’s sport.
Yee-Haw! Howdy Doo-Dah ‘Merica, Fuck Yeah!
What’s even crazier is to think these Canadians are the same people who claim they invented basketball. Yet, just like hockey, Americans dominate roundball too. Here’s an idea Canada, spend some time practicing the sports you “invented.” From now on, the Lord’s Cup runneth over with American lager, not Molson Ice or Labatt fucking Blue.
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