Gloomy Night at the Alamo
Surprising reports are buzzing in from around NBA front office insiders that the San Antonio Spurs are not loving their options at number one going into tonight’s NBA Draft. Swamp nuts, the wings, eyes, and ears of A Fly On The Ball, are soaring by every steaming fresh pile in Texas for more details.
After verified reports emerged last night regarding Victor Wembanyama’s disdain for the franchise, the Spurs don’t want to risk selecting the top prospect in this year’s draft in fear that he might pull a Dimitrius Underwood.
No matter what San Antonio decides to do in tonight’s draft, this will go down as one of the most embarrassing moments in franchise history. The front office did zero due diligence on any other prospect leading up to the draft. They were under the assumption they had a shoo-in Hall of Fame selection in the bag. Here’s an undercover sneak peek at the front office of the San Antonio Spurs just two days ago:
Hell, the NBA practically gifted the first pick in the NBA Draft Lottery to the Spurs for God knows what fucking reason. A fly on the scene during the lottery ball selection noticed the only balls in the tumbler all night were Spurs balls. That means the league wanted the Spurs to get the pick.
Perhaps it was out of sympathy for the elderly. Nobody has the heart to tell 74-year NBA veteran head coach Gregg Popovich that Tim Duncan retired in 2016. Poor guy still thinks he’s in the mix for championships. He sure does get a lot of respect around the league so nobody wants to step in and tell Pop the bad news here.
Stay tuned to the NBA Draft tonight to see how badly the San Antonio Spurs fuck this pick up. Will they pick Wemby anyway, despite his intention to retire if the Spurs select him? Or will they do the smart thing and trade the number one pick to a team Wemby actually wants to play for? The rest of us would like to see if this kid is who we think he is: a clear and obvious bust.
Do you actually believe this shit? What’s wrong with you? This article is 100% satire, and nothing you have fucking read on this page should be taken seriously.
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Buzz McFly hears all the latest buzz through his impressive network consisting of millions of flies swarming near every pile of shit in the entire world. When shit goes down, Buzz has eyes on the scene waiting to bask in the latest filth and dirt. Growing up an avid sports fan, his credibility in the field is second to none. He comes from a long line of spectator sporting event reporters willing to lay it all on the line for a fresh scoop of the latest news before it breaks wind anywhere else.
