There are a lot of teams that love to go public about their Super Bowl aspirations heading into the season every year. Looking at you, Jerry Jones. However, the New York Giants are not one of those teams. At least not this year, and historically, giving other teams bulletin board material has not been encouraged by the Big Blue franchise.
This year’s Giants are quietly heading into the 2023 NFL season seeking to build upon the success they experienced last year. They are ready to work hard and seem to understand the sacrifices it takes to permanently climb out of the cellar of the NFL to emerge as perennial playoff contenders for the first time in over a decade.
Flies hanging around the Giants’ facilities say there is a buzz in the air they have not felt since the 2007 season. The team is eliminating outside noise while preaching accountability and avoiding distractions.
Over the offseason, the distractions have been kept to a minimum. Many Giants fans are eagerly observing the Saquon Barkley contract situation. It just would not feel right for the New York Giants to experience success in any form without Saquon. Both sides know it.
Barkley is the special kind of player that should be part of the “once a Giant, always a Giant” reputation the franchise boasts about frequently. So is Dexter Lawrence, and the team took the right step in making it a possibility for Sexy Dexy to stick around for a while this offseason. That man is a fucking beast. Andrew Thomas, you’re next in line for a mega deal.
The future’s looking bright for the New York Giants for the first time in a very long time. Just when everything was going smooth, an unfortunate off-field incident nearly shook the chemistry of this team apart before the season is even close to getting underway.
While most of Giants nation celebrated the acquisition of Pro Bowl tight end Darren Waller, one reaction from within the team’s family caused an unnecessary off-field distraction for the entire organization. The franchise has kept a lot of the conversation surrounding the details private.
Flies with eyes on the situation share more details about what’s going on inside the facility. Publicly, the New York Giants aren’t saying shit. Internally? Different story.
From the top down, it’s been communicated to all the players that their parents have been banned from using social media from now on. The social media ban comes in an effort to eliminate potential off-field distractions. It seems there is always one bad apple that ruins it for everyone.
In this case, the player whose father is responsible for the social media ban is none other than promising young tight end Daniel Bellinger. It’s no secret that the New York Giants traded for star tight end Darren Waller in the offseason. Frank Bellinger, the father of Daniel, took offense to the trade, to the point where he got into a verbal altercation with The Athletic’s Tim Graham by slipping into his DMs.
Now, before Frank slips into old Buzz McFly’s DMs, it should be noted that Daniel Bellinger always had a promising future in the NFL, and he still does. Why? Because Daniel works his fucking ass off, he plays smart football, and he holds himself accountable while maintaining an extremely coachable attitude.
Daniel has a great work ethic, and he is the prototypical definition of a locker room guy. He is also tough as nails. Daniel took a brutal shot to his eye socket that literally fractured his orbital bone against the Jacksonville Jaguars in Week 7 of the New York Giants’ 2022 season.
The gruesome injury required surgery and resulted in Bellinger seeing double vision without having any beers for a while. Eventually, everything checked out, and Daniel only needed six weeks to get back to playing football, earning him the badass nickname Robocop. That’s one tough sonuvabitch.
It’s understandable why Frank’s pride was hurt. He’s fucking proud of his son, and he should be. His son was born to play tight end in the NFL, and he proves that over and over again, snap after snap. He made it to the big show, and he fucking belongs on the roster of the New York Giants.
However, this is the NFL in 2023. You need to have as many weapons and chess pieces on the field as you can possibly figure out how to use. It certainly doesn’t hurt to have two starting-caliber tight ends on the roster.
This is an opportunity for Daniel to learn from one of the greatest tight ends of this generation. Not to mention, Waller has a clear size, speed, and experience advantage over Daniel at this point. There is a chance this New York Giants offense could be nasty with the weapons they have surrounding Daniel Jones and Barkley. That’s only going to open more doors for Bellinger to showcase his well-rounded skillset.
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Robocop Started Weightlifting and Plays for the New York Giants
Don’t tell that to Daniel Bellinger though. He seems to have developed a WWE-sized chip on his shoulder during the offseason. His teammates must have given him a lot of shit about his dad having to defend Daniel to a reporter. Why? Because Bellinger just showed up to the New York Giants OTAs making Arnold Schwarzenegger look average.
Friends of friends are buzzing around the New York Giants’ OTAs while sensing a different vibe recently. Players seem a little more timid around Bellinger, suddenly. For starters, absolutely nobody is giving Bellinger shit about his dad anymore. In fact, nobody is giving Daniel Bellinger any kind of shit anymore.
Not even Eli Manning. As many of you know, Manning has been bored out of his mind since hitting the unemployment line a few years ago. He spends most of his time around the Giants’ facility these days, keeping every speck of dust off the two Lombardi trophies he helped the team win.
Flies who buzz around the trophies report he stops by the front desk every day to see if they have any job openings for a quarterback. Sorry Eli, word has it the scouting department has their eye on this Chad Powers kid out of Penn State to back Danny Dimes up soon.
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Well, in his heyday, Eli was a bit of a class clown and team prankster. He still likes to stroll through the locker room to give the guys some shit from time to time. Eli had not seen Daniel Bellinger since last season ended yet.
A fly was buzzing around Bellinger’s locker room when he heard somebody coming around the corner saying, “Where’s Belly at? It’s time for his wedgie and swirly!” The voice sounded a bit like Eli’s voice to the fly on the scene.
A moment later, Eli came around the corner and saw the newly ripped Bellinger. Eli suddenly looked like a dog in shame, hiding his tail between his legs. He then looked over at some of the other guys in the locker room while pointing at Bellinger and silently mouthing the words, “What the fuck happened to Belly? He’s jacked to the tits now!”
In a wise business decision, Eli slowly backed away from that corner of the locker room to go see what snacks were available. He had worked up quite the appetite polishing those Lombardis.
Bellinger remained unphased by the comments. Instead, he flexed his muscles and appeared to refocus his mindset. It seems as though Daniel Bellinger is done taking shit from people, even if they have won Super Bowls before.
Perhaps that’s a good problem for the Giants to have. Sure, there will be a lot of parents of New York Giants players who will have to exercise restraint when it comes to their social media accounts this year. However, the tradeoff could mean they will actually spend their time watching a team that has strong playoff potential heading into training camp.
That sounds like a wiser decision than getting into DM battles with reporters on Twitter. Let the players do the talking on the field this year. If everyone stays healthy, it should be a rewarding season.
For the rest of the players’ parents, don’t go pointing fingers at Frank Bellinger unless it’s to thank him for making sure this team doesn’t have any more distractions. Thanks, Frank! Be careful when you are pounding sand though. You’re going to need that fist healthy to cheer the G-Men on this season.
Do you actually believe this shit? What’s wrong with you? This article is 100% satire, and nothing you have fucking read on this page should be taken seriously.
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Buzz McFly hears all the latest buzz through his impressive network consisting of millions of flies swarming near every pile of shit in the entire world. When shit goes down, Buzz has eyes on the scene waiting to bask in the latest filth and dirt. Growing up an avid sports fan, his credibility in the field is second to none. He comes from a long line of spectator sporting event reporters willing to lay it all on the line for a fresh scoop of the latest news before it breaks wind anywhere else.
