If Jalen really wants to, he can help the Philadelphia Eagles get balls deep into that end zone until it Hurts so good. All season long. Listen, this team defied all odds and made it to the fucking Super Bowl last season.
This season, it’s going to be either Fly, Eagles Fly or Die, Eagles Die. It literally rests upon the shoulders of one of the most unproven quarterbacks to make it to a Super Bowl since Rex fucking Grossman. At least they have Jason Kelce because they’re going to need him.
Dexter Lawrence is already balls deep in the Eagles’ backfield and nobody can seem to stop him. There is no chance the Eagles get balls deep in the end zone this season if they can’t stop Sexy Dexy. Period.
With a lackluster linebacker room, horseshit safeties, and an aging offensive line, how will the Eagles overcome their Super Bowl hangover? They won’t. Randall Cunningham isn’t walking through those doors after the City of Brotherly Love gave him the ol’ boot for Rodney fucking Peete. Losers. Randall was your best shot and you never know a good thing until it’s gone.
Newsflash. Nick Foles doesn’t even count. The city booted the coach and the Super Bowl-winning QB out of town faster than an angry old man returns cold soup at a deli. Yeah. Seinfeld, New York State of Mind fucking reference. Deal with it.
Just look at what Randall Cunningham did with only one year of Randy Moss. Case closed. Philadelphia sports fans are not very bright. That’s why the Philadelphia Birds are plucked before the 2023 NFL season even begins. They will finish near the bottom of the NFC East, assuming Dak Prescott actually doesn’t throw picks this year.
Next fucking question.
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