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If you tuned in to the first NFL preseason game for the Houston Texans, it’s probably pretty clear they will not be getting balls deep in that end zone anytime soon. Houston, we have a problem.
No one will ever get balls deeper in that end zone than Dan Orlovsky in the history of the Detroit Lions. However, the 2023 Lions might actually win a few games. In fact, they almost could have had what it takes to compete for the NFC North crown.
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All 32 NFL franchises have existed since at least 2002. Some teams go back much further, like the Cleveland Browns, who were founded in 1946. Yet, despite the first Super Bowl taking place back in 1967, 12 teams have still never won a Lombardi Trophy, and the Browns are one of them.
But now there’s hope that Deshaun Watson, Nick Chubb, Amari Cooper, and Myles Garrett can clinch not only an AFC North division victory but also a trip to the Super Bowl. If so, it would be Cleveland’s first-ever Super Bowl appearance. However, we’re not so high on the Browns’ chances. In fact, we’re going so far as to say the Browns will never win a Super Bowl in franchise history. Here’s why.
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Lamar Jackson is back. Without Jackson, the Baltimore Ravens would suck balls. With LJ, the Ravens will have no trouble getting balls deep in that end zone this year. You can say whatever you want about Jackson, as long as your name isn’t Bill Polian.
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It’s no secret that Aaron Rodgers is using medicinal remedies to keep him potent for the 2023 NFL season. Ironically, Zach Wilson is starring in an adult film, Milf Hunter. Wilson literally goes balls deep into Mia Khalifa, Lisa Ann, and every anal queen you’ve ever seen. In fact, Slick Willy is literally fucking your mom’s ass right now.
It’s clear at this point, Wilson is ready to step in and fill the shoes of Rodgers when Aaron finally goes limp. Hey, Viagra eventually wears off. Just ask around.
With a healthy Joe, the Cincinnati Bengals can Burrow themselves into any end zone. Unfortunately, Joe Burrow has a lingering calf injury that is casting some serious doubt about how the Bengals can get balls deep in that end zone this year.
Everyone in Bengals Nation is eager to see Joey B. throwing balls deep to Ja’Marr Chase. It’s literally the secret formula. Burrow has a strong enough arm to keep Tee Higgins happy and there should be enough balls for Irv Smith Jr., if the athletic tight end can stay on the field for a change.
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Josh Allen knows how to get it in there. As long as Allen is at the helm, the Buffalo Bills should have no problem getting balls deep in that end zone this year.
With that being said, this offense does have some question marks. For most of Bills Mafia, the question isn’t scoring, it’s about making it back to the Super Bowl for the first time since 1994. The Bills literally made it to the Super Bowl throughout four consecutive seasons from 1991 to 1994.
Unfortunately, they managed to lose all four of them. Although they won championships back in the AFL days, everyone knows those don’t count anymore. If they did, the Cleveland Browns would actually be a relevant franchise. They’re not.
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If Jalen really wants to, he can help the Philadelphia Eagles get balls deep into that end zone until it Hurts so good. All season long. Listen, this team defied all odds and made it to the fucking Super Bowl last season.
Dak Prescott is promising he isn’t going to throw any interceptions anymore. That should help. The Dallas Cowboys would also be wise to avoid glory holes if they really want to let ‘em hang.
To reach paydirt this season, the Dallas Cowboys need to make Zack Martin happy. What’s going on there?
Jim Irsay is probably dropping his phone in the toilet while attempting to snap a whiskey dick pic right now. That’s not good, he’s going to be looking for something else to do, which means he’s about to go on a bender for the ages.
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