Sports Satire - A FLY ON THE BALL

New York Giants Offensive Coordinator Mike Kafka Exiled to Island of Misfit Toys

November 10, 2023December 5, 2023 Buzz McFly

Giants Fans Want Mike Kafka Relieved of Play-Calling Duties Immediately

It’s no secret that New York Giants offensive coordinator Mike Kafka spends his time off the football field as one of the most evil people on the planet, Lex Luthor. The very first time you see Kafka’s satanic eyebrows, you’re left wondering when Spock went full bald eagle. At least when Kafka gets fired from the Giants, he will be able to resume his role as Spock in the upcoming Star Trek film:

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Bryce Young Grows Mullet To Deal With NFL Pressure

November 9, 2023November 28, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

Do you remember when Bryce Young stood tall among his peers as the best quarterback prospect available in the 2023 NFL Draft?

The Chicago Bears remember because they earned the first overall pick. Yet, with a franchise QB already in place, the Bears could smell desperation from the Carolina Panthers, with David Tepper eager to make another investment that had the potential to go to the moon.

But so far, investing in Bryce Young’s stock has gone tits up.

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Josh McDaniels Eats Himself Out of Las Vegas Raiders Head Coaching Job

November 8, 2023June 16, 2024 Buzz McFly

The Real Truth Behind the Termination of Josh McDaniels

It’s been just over a week since the Las Vegas Raiders made the decision to fire Josh McDaniels as their head football coach. As is always the case, the dust still hasn’t settled while the internet runs wild with speculation regarding what really happened behind closed doors.

Luckily, A Fly On The Ball caught wind of everything that went down. To say there are always flies lurking around the Raiders facilities would be an understatement.

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Noodle-Arm Brock Purdy Can’t Get San Francisco 49ers Balls Deep Into Playoffs

October 30, 2023December 21, 2023 Buzz McFly

Noodle-Arm Brock Purdy Can't Get Balls Deep

Every empire eventually crumbles, just ask the San Francisco 49ers, who literally built the framework to become the next dynasty in the NFL. They were only missing one key ingredient, a quarterback who could take the Niners to the promised land. Cue Brock Purdy, Mr. Irrelevant from the 2022 NFL Draft.

As has often been the case throughout his career, former San Francisco heartthrob Jimmy Garoppolo found himself unable to play. The teams Garoppolo plays for often mask his injuries with buzzwords such as shoulder, thumb, ACL tear, or pedal foot fracture but the reality is actually much more severe.

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NFL Trade Deadline Sources: Players Most Likely To Be Traded by Oct. 31

October 27, 2023December 15, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

As even your girlfriend will tell you, there’s no period like the NFL trade deadline. This year, that spooky time of the month comes on Oct. 31, and as always, there are plenty of teams looking to shake up their rosters. Which NFL players are on the trade block? Who’s most likely to be traded before Tuesday’s deadline?

Here’s a fresh pile of what A Fly On The Ball’s locker room sources chewed out, including NFL players guaranteed to be traded in 2023.

Searching For Funny Fantasy Football Team Names?

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Modelo Beer Partnership Awkward for Damian Lillard and Milwaukee Bucks

October 18, 2023December 21, 2023 Buzz McFly

Modelo Partnership Awkward for Damian Lillard in Milwaukee Bucks

City of Milwaukee Wants Schlitz Lager Sponsorship To Promote Local Brewing

Since being traded from the Portland Trail Blazers to the Milwaukee Bucks, Damian Lillard is the talk of Brew Town. The only problem is, the buzz generated by Lillard hasn’t exactly been positive publicity. Lillard is making headlines for all the wrong reasons because of the company he keeps off the court.

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3 Reasons Why the Minnesota Vikings Will Never Win a Super Bowl

October 16, 2023May 10, 2024 Harvey Ballbanger

Some ships are made of metal. Some ships are made of wood. But the best ships–championships– don’t belong to Vikings. Imagine if they could?

On second thought, no. Don’t do that.

There’s no point in wasting an ounce of energy dreaming about living in some fantasy world. Nothing has changed since the day you came into this world as a soggy mess no one wanted anything to do with. The Minnesota Vikings didn’t have any Super Bowl wins then, and the same will remain true when you leave this earth, when no one will want anything to do with you again, as your team remains a complete loser. That’s just life for a Vikings fan.

Yet, believe it or not, there are still some sick fucks out there (their term is a “glutton for punishment” oofta) who hold out hope that the Vikings will not only win a Super Bowl but possibly even later this season. We’re not joking. It’s a real condition several suffer from. Perhaps you’ve heard of Skoliosis?

Unlike cowbell, there really is no prescription. Not that you need to fuck yourself up any further. You’re already a Vikings fan, for god’s sake. You betcha, it doesn’t get any worse than that donchaknow.

Anyway, here are three reasons why the Minnesota Vikings will never win a Super Bowl.

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Why the Houston Texans Will Win the Super Bowl This Season

October 15, 2023November 21, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

As the newest franchise in the NFL, it’s not surprising that the Houston Texans don’t have any Super Bowl wins just yet. But this team is 21 now. It’s time to accept some responsibilities and get serious about trying to win.

The good news is the Texans have done a really good job preparing for the real world. From getting rid of Bill O’Brien to cleansing themselves of douchebag Jack Easterby, hope is finally on the horizon in Houston.

Then we have the arrival of a franchise quarterback in C.J. Stroud, one of the most accurate passers in the NFL. Stroud’s ability to deliver footballs like Jesus delivered bread will lead the Texans to the promised land, and I believe it happens this season. Here’s why.

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Why the Washington Commanders Will Win the Super Bowl This Season

October 15, 2023December 2, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

After decades of fielding a near NFL-caliber roster aside from quarterback, the Washington Commanders have stumbled into their franchise savior with Sam Howell. He joins Ron Rivera, one of the best coaches in the league, finally operating under an ownership group that gives a damn about winning instead of rimming (well, maybe not Magic Johnson, but he’s Magic).

So far, we’ve seen the expected bumps and bruises from the Commanders. Moments when they show the potential of an elite passing offense. Then there are times when the Commanders make the Chicago Bears look like a playoff team. That’s life in the NFL.

But A Fly On The Ball has seen enough to know that the Commanders are on a unique path that leads to a Super Bowl win in February of 2024. Here’s why we’ll all be celebrating a Commanders Super Bowl win later this season.

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Jimmy Butler Retires from NBA to Start Emo Band

October 14, 2023May 3, 2024 Buzz McFly

Band Tentatively Titled: Jimmy Escapes World

Jimmy Butler recently used the NBA’s media day to unveil a new look while announcing his retirement from being a man to focus on his new emo band, Jimmy Escapes World. It’s no secret the Miami Heat are in a difficult position entering the 2023-24 NBA season. Butler’s shocking retirement certainly isn’t going to help.

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