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Lamar Jackson is back. Without Jackson, the Baltimore Ravens would suck balls. With LJ, the Ravens will have no trouble getting balls deep in that end zone this year. You can say whatever you want about Jackson, as long as your name isn’t Bill Polian.
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It’s no secret that Aaron Rodgers is using medicinal remedies to keep him potent for the 2023 NFL season. Ironically, Zach Wilson is starring in an adult film, Milf Hunter. Wilson literally goes balls deep into Mia Khalifa, Lisa Ann, and every anal queen you’ve ever seen. In fact, Slick Willy is literally fucking your mom’s ass right now.
It’s clear at this point, Wilson is ready to step in and fill the shoes of Rodgers when Aaron finally goes limp. Hey, Viagra eventually wears off. Just ask around.
With a healthy Joe, the Cincinnati Bengals can Burrow themselves into any end zone. Unfortunately, Joe Burrow has a lingering calf injury that is casting some serious doubt about how the Bengals can get balls deep in that end zone this year.
Everyone in Bengals Nation is eager to see Joey B. throwing balls deep to Ja’Marr Chase. It’s literally the secret formula. Burrow has a strong enough arm to keep Tee Higgins happy and there should be enough balls for Irv Smith Jr., if the athletic tight end can stay on the field for a change.
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Josh Allen knows how to get it in there. As long as Allen is at the helm, the Buffalo Bills should have no problem getting balls deep in that end zone this year.
With that being said, this offense does have some question marks. For most of Bills Mafia, the question isn’t scoring, it’s about making it back to the Super Bowl for the first time since 1994. The Bills literally made it to the Super Bowl throughout four consecutive seasons from 1991 to 1994.
Unfortunately, they managed to lose all four of them. Although they won championships back in the AFL days, everyone knows those don’t count anymore. If they did, the Cleveland Browns would actually be a relevant franchise. They’re not.
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If Jalen really wants to, he can help the Philadelphia Eagles get balls deep into that end zone until it Hurts so good. All season long. Listen, this team defied all odds and made it to the fucking Super Bowl last season.
Dak Prescott is promising he isn’t going to throw any interceptions anymore. That should help. The Dallas Cowboys would also be wise to avoid glory holes if they really want to let ‘em hang.
To reach paydirt this season, the Dallas Cowboys need to make Zack Martin happy. What’s going on there?
Jim Irsay is probably dropping his phone in the toilet while attempting to snap a whiskey dick pic right now. That’s not good, he’s going to be looking for something else to do, which means he’s about to go on a bender for the ages.
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The Minnesota Timberwolves are going balls deep this season. They already have the best shooting big man in the NBA with Karl-Anthony Towns, and now they have another ace in the hole with Rudy Gobert.
Previously, the biggest knock on the three-time Defensive Player of the Year’s game was his lack of an offensive game, but it’s obvious The Stifle Tower plans to erase all weaknesses. Just look at how graceful his three-point shot is here.
Continue reading “Rudy Gobert Reveals Minnesota Timberwolves’ Plot To Dominate NBA With 3-Point Shooting”
Dexter Lawrence is going to be balls deep in every opposing team’s backfield on almost every snap. That means all the New York Giants need to do is pound the fucking rock. Over and over again. Rinse. Repeat.
Every year the NFL picks one team they’d like to see get to the Super Bowl by featuring them on HBO’s Hard Knocks. Last year they wisely picked the Detroit Lions, and their Lombardi aspirations damn near came true, going from a three-win team to one with nine victories.
Now that Aaron Rodgers is ready to take a bite out of the Big Apple, we turn our attention to the New York Jets, the NFL’s next poster child. But unfortunately, he didn’t bring a Super Bowl trophy with him, and Joe Namath isn’t suiting up any time soon. In fact, Broadway Joe couldn’t care less about how the team performs. He’s made that clear while chasing other dreams.
But it’s clear to everyone within earshot of Fireman Ed that the Jets have a Super Bowl or bust mentality heading into head coach Robert Saleh’s third season as head coach. Yet it’s been 54 years since the last time the Jets won the big game, and if you really want to get technical, they’ve never won a Super Bowl in the NFL. Pretty pathetic, huh?
None of that matters because J-E-T-S Jets! fans don’t remember the past. All they care about is what’s happening this minute and the next. And what’s next is Hard Knocks. But what will the three biggest topics be during this season’s training camp special? We have all the answers.
Continue reading “3 New York Jets Hard Knocks Storylines To Watch This Season”
