Sports Celebrity Roast - A FLY ON THE BALL

David Tepper Holds Pep Talk With Himself After Frank Reich Firing: ‘You’re Next!’

November 28, 2023November 30, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

Carolina Panthers owner David Tepper isn’t exactly known for having patience. He may be a billionaire, but Tepper’s not capable of looking in the mirror and realizing where the real problem lies.

In addition to owning the Panthers, Tepper also owns Charlotte FC, a professional soccer team that’s actually been to the playoffs. Since they’ve only played two seasons, this is a notable feat. Especially considering the Panthers have missed the playoffs all six seasons since Tepper got involved.

Since Tepper’s ownership, the Panthers have played six seasons, and Charlotte has played two. In that time, Tepper has fired a total of five coaches.

At what point does he realize where the real problem lies?

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Brett Favre Starring as The Mustard Man To Pay Debts Back

November 22, 2023November 27, 2023 Buzz McFly

Brett Favre Starring as Mustard Man Meme from A Fly On The Ball Final Version

John Madden’s Turducken Special

Imagine this, you work hard your entire life, amassing millions of dollars throughout your career, only to retire with nothing more than a spacious little farm in Mississippi. Now you have more land and time than you know what to do with.

In the end, retirement isn’t always the peaceful fairytale ending everyone hopes for. Just ask Brett Favre, who has had more than just a little trouble finding ways to make ends meet since retiring. That’s why you’ll see Brett Favre starring as The Mustard Man to pay debts back.

For a while there, people were not even entirely convinced Favre actually retired from football, the game that gave him everything in life. Many people still think Favre could return to his old gunslinger ways any day now, there’s no doubt he still has that old cannon locked and loaded.

Imagine Brett Favre slinging it at Lambeau again now that Aaron Rodgers is out of the picture for good. Just the thought of it makes John Madden perk up a bit from the Great Beyond, he’s grilling some bratwursts and slow-roasting a turducken outside his bus just to get ready for the big game. Rumor has it, if Favre ever decides to play again, you might be able to hear Madden calling the game through a spirit box.

John Madden's Turducken Special by A Fly On The Ball - Meme

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Noodles and Company Benches Mac Jones for New England Patriots Backup

November 16, 2023November 17, 2023 Buzz McFly

There has been plenty of speculation surrounding Mac Jones’ job security as the starting quarterback for the New England Patriots lately. Whether you are on the Jones bandwagon or not is irrelevant once you watch the tape. Facts are facts.

Jones simply isn’t the guy. His noodle-arm can’t push the ball down the field on a calm, sunny day in September. What makes anyone think he will be able to do it through the wicked swirling winds that come with a classic New England Nor’easter in the playoffs? Seriously, the tape never lies:

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It’s Time To Admit the Cincinnati Bengals Will Never Win a Super Bowl

November 12, 2023May 20, 2024 Harvey Ballbanger

The Cincinnati Bengals have made it to the Super Bowl three times, but they’ve never been the better team, always failing to win on the NFL’s biggest stage. It’s an embarrassing fact for an up-and-coming franchise that has one of the league’s best quarterbacks on the roster with Joe Burrows.

But the Bengals were in the Super Bowl two years ago and came just four points away from changing the franchise’s status as a lifetime loser forever. The fans in Cincinnati haven’t given up hope since, clinging to the dream of joining the big leagues as a respectable NFL franchise.

Yet, the Bengals fanbase might want to re-evaluate their loyalty because those waiting on a Super Bowl will end up wasting all their time on a franchise that doesn’t have the same level of commitment to winning. Here are just three reasons why the Cincinnati Bengals will never win a Super Bowl, as sad as it sounds.

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New York Giants Offensive Coordinator Mike Kafka Exiled to Island of Misfit Toys

November 10, 2023December 5, 2023 Buzz McFly

Giants Fans Want Mike Kafka Relieved of Play-Calling Duties Immediately

It’s no secret that New York Giants offensive coordinator Mike Kafka spends his time off the football field as one of the most evil people on the planet, Lex Luthor. The very first time you see Kafka’s satanic eyebrows, you’re left wondering when Spock went full bald eagle. At least when Kafka gets fired from the Giants, he will be able to resume his role as Spock in the upcoming Star Trek film:

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Bryce Young Grows Mullet To Deal With NFL Pressure

November 9, 2023November 28, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

Do you remember when Bryce Young stood tall among his peers as the best quarterback prospect available in the 2023 NFL Draft?

The Chicago Bears remember because they earned the first overall pick. Yet, with a franchise QB already in place, the Bears could smell desperation from the Carolina Panthers, with David Tepper eager to make another investment that had the potential to go to the moon.

But so far, investing in Bryce Young’s stock has gone tits up.

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Josh McDaniels Eats Himself Out of Las Vegas Raiders Head Coaching Job

November 8, 2023June 16, 2024 Buzz McFly

The Real Truth Behind the Termination of Josh McDaniels

It’s been just over a week since the Las Vegas Raiders made the decision to fire Josh McDaniels as their head football coach. As is always the case, the dust still hasn’t settled while the internet runs wild with speculation regarding what really happened behind closed doors.

Luckily, A Fly On The Ball caught wind of everything that went down. To say there are always flies lurking around the Raiders facilities would be an understatement.

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Noodle-Arm Brock Purdy Can’t Get San Francisco 49ers Balls Deep Into Playoffs

October 30, 2023December 21, 2023 Buzz McFly

Noodle-Arm Brock Purdy Can't Get Balls Deep

Every empire eventually crumbles, just ask the San Francisco 49ers, who literally built the framework to become the next dynasty in the NFL. They were only missing one key ingredient, a quarterback who could take the Niners to the promised land. Cue Brock Purdy, Mr. Irrelevant from the 2022 NFL Draft.

As has often been the case throughout his career, former San Francisco heartthrob Jimmy Garoppolo found himself unable to play. The teams Garoppolo plays for often mask his injuries with buzzwords such as shoulder, thumb, ACL tear, or pedal foot fracture but the reality is actually much more severe.

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NFL Trade Deadline Sources: Players Most Likely To Be Traded by Oct. 31

October 27, 2023December 15, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

As even your girlfriend will tell you, there’s no period like the NFL trade deadline. This year, that spooky time of the month comes on Oct. 31, and as always, there are plenty of teams looking to shake up their rosters. Which NFL players are on the trade block? Who’s most likely to be traded before Tuesday’s deadline?

Here’s a fresh pile of what A Fly On The Ball’s locker room sources chewed out, including NFL players guaranteed to be traded in 2023.

Searching For Funny Fantasy Football Team Names?

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Modelo Beer Partnership Awkward for Damian Lillard and Milwaukee Bucks

October 18, 2023December 21, 2023 Buzz McFly

Modelo Partnership Awkward for Damian Lillard in Milwaukee Bucks

City of Milwaukee Wants Schlitz Lager Sponsorship To Promote Local Brewing

Since being traded from the Portland Trail Blazers to the Milwaukee Bucks, Damian Lillard is the talk of Brew Town. The only problem is, the buzz generated by Lillard hasn’t exactly been positive publicity. Lillard is making headlines for all the wrong reasons because of the company he keeps off the court.

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