Football - A FLY ON THE BALL

3 Reasons Why the Jacksonville Jaguars Will Never Win a Super Bowl

August 28, 2023November 26, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

The Jacksonville Jaguars are tied for being the third-youngest franchise in the NFL, so it’s understandable that they have yet to win a Super Bowl. Then again, if the Baltimore Ravens can do it, there’s no excuse for the Jaguars’ perpetual failures. As we saw back in 2014 when the Jaguars drafted Blake Bortles over Derek Carr, Aaron Donald, or Zack Martin, settling for less is just what Jacksonville does.

Yet, fans still have hope, and why shouldn’t they? Trevor Lawrence is him. Everyone always thinks Jesus is coming back. Little do they know he’s finally arrived in Duval County. But does that mean the Jags have what it takes to shag a Super Bowl? Not now, and not ever. Here’s why.

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3 Reasons Why the Buffalo Bills Will Never Win a Super Bowl

August 24, 2023December 5, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

If there’s one team that deserves to win a Super Bowl more than any other NFL franchise, it’s the Buffalo Bills, hands down. As Bills Mafia knows all too well, Buffalo has a long, storied history in the NFL’s biggest game. But it’s not a tale anyone wants to re-live.

Despite existing since the first Super Bowl was played back in 1967, the Bills have never earned a Lombardi Trophy. It’s not like they haven’t tried. The Bills have given it their all, becoming just one of two teams to lose all four times they’ve reached the final stage. Aside from maybe following the Cleveland Browns, it doesn’t get any worse than being a Bills fan.

Let’s be honest. Bills Mafia deserves a Super Bowl for their trolling alone. This is the best fanbase in football. But trophies aren’t won by fans busting their asses by launching into tables in the classiest ways. Not that the Bills would know what it takes to win anything. Even though you won’t find a team more desperate, here are three reasons why the Bills will never achieve their goal of winning a Super Bowl.

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Why the Arizona Cardinals Will Win the Super Bowl This Season

August 23, 2023November 30, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

The Arizona Cardinals have existed, in some form, since 1920. But they’ve never won a Super Bowl. Sure, they managed to lose one back in 2008, but who cares about the past? Life is all about the future. Using my birds-eye view, I see a Cardinals Super Bowl win coming at the end of the 2023-24 NFL season.

Steve Keim is no longer working the roster into a drunken stupor, and Kliff Kingsbury isn’t coaching this team anymore. It’s all uphill from here, with zero setbacks holding this franchise back.

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How the Denver Broncos Can Get Balls Deep in That End Zone This Year

August 21, 2023December 9, 2023 Buzz McFly

How the Denver Broncos can get balls deep - Sean Payton Can't Get Balls Deep Without Bounties

Sean Payton is an ignorant egotistical asshole. There is also evidence suggesting he is a psychopath from his time overlooking the Bountygate-era New Orleans Saints.

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How the New England Patriots Can Get Balls Deep in That End Zone This Year

August 20, 2023November 27, 2023 Buzz McFly

How the New England Patriots can get balls deep in that end zone - Mac Jones Can't Get Balls Deep

It’s no secret that Bill Belichick has assembled a top-notch defense for the New England Patriots, yet again. However, their offensive struggles have been well-documented since the departure of a certain Tom Brady. To be blunt, it’s been a while since the Patriots have gone balls deep in the playoffs so they can let ‘em hang again.

Unfortunately, Brady is too distracted to play football right now which means the Patriots’ offense is stuck with Mac Jones. Everyone knows Mac Jones can’t get balls deep. Malik Cunningham looks like the only player willing to jumpstart some life into this stagnant offense.

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Pro Football Hall of Fame Realizes Monumental Mistake With Ronde Barber HOF Induction

August 16, 2023November 26, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

On a memorable summer afternoon in early August, Ronde Barber and eight other legends were inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio. For many, like the Barber family, it’s a day they’ll celebrate forever. But for the Pro Football Hall of Fame, it’s a day they’ll never forget due to their monumental mistake.

Ronde and Tiki Barber are identical twins born seven minutes apart. But once they took to the gridiron, the individualities couldn’t be more different.

Tiki, the all-purpose running back who found joy in fumbling the Giants’ Super Bowl chances away, and Ronde, the hard-hitting cornerback who actually did have what it takes to win a Lombardi Trophy, led quite different NFL careers.

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How the Houston Texans Can Finally Get Balls Deep in That End Zone

August 13, 2023November 21, 2023 Buzz McFly

If you tuned in to the first NFL preseason game for the Houston Texans, it’s probably pretty clear they will not be getting balls deep in that end zone anytime soon. Houston, we have a problem.

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How the Detroit Lions Can Get Balls Deep in That End Zone This Year

August 10, 2023November 23, 2023 Buzz McFly

How the Detroit Lions can get balls deep in that end zone - Dan Campbell Goes Balls Deep with Lions

No one will ever get balls deeper in that end zone than Dan Orlovsky in the history of the Detroit Lions. However, the 2023 Lions might actually win a few games. In fact, they almost could have had what it takes to compete for the NFC North crown.

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3 Reasons Why the Cleveland Browns Will Never Win the Super Bowl

August 8, 2023November 22, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

All 32 NFL franchises have existed since at least 2002. Some teams go back much further, like the Cleveland Browns, who were founded in 1946. Yet, despite the first Super Bowl taking place back in 1967, 12 teams have still never won a Lombardi Trophy, and the Browns are one of them.

But now there’s hope that Deshaun Watson, Nick Chubb, Amari Cooper, and Myles Garrett can clinch not only an AFC North division victory but also a trip to the Super Bowl. If so, it would be Cleveland’s first-ever Super Bowl appearance. However, we’re not so high on the Browns’ chances. In fact, we’re going so far as to say the Browns will never win a Super Bowl in franchise history. Here’s why.

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How the Baltimore Ravens Can Get Balls Deep in That End Zone This Year

August 8, 2023April 19, 2024 Buzz McFly

How the Baltimore Ravens can get balls deep - Lamar Jackson goes balls deep

Lamar Jackson is back. Without Jackson, the Baltimore Ravens would suck balls. With LJ, the Ravens will have no trouble getting balls deep in that end zone this year. You can say whatever you want about Jackson, as long as your name isn’t Bill Polian.

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