Harvey Ballbanger - A FLY ON THE BALL

3 Reasons Why the Los Angeles Chargers Will Never Win a Super Bowl

September 9, 2023December 16, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

The Los Angeles Chargers have existed, in some form, since the very first Super Bowl. Despite being around for 58 years, the Bolts have failed every single time in their quest to win a Lombardi Trophy, as amazing as it sounds.

At some point, one has to wonder if the Chargers are even trying to win a Super Bowl, but that just couldn’t be possible, right? Yeah, we didn’t think so either.

However, I, Harvey Ballbanger, am willing to bet that the Los Angeles Chargers will never win a Super Bowl. Here’s why:

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3 Reasons Why the Detroit Lions Will Never Win a Super Bowl

September 4, 2023November 21, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

Did you know the Detroit Lions are one of just two NFL franchises existing since 1946 to have never made a Super Bowl appearance? It’s pathetic but true. If you’re wondering, the Cleveland Browns are the other team mired in sadness.

But being a Lions fan means you’re at rock bottom. Unlike the Browns, the Lions have existed since 1930, meaning they’ve been failing to win Super Bowls for almost 20 more years. In other words, it doesn’t get any worse than following the Lions if you’re a football fan.

This isn’t some secret. It’s right out there in the open. The Lions are the worst franchise in NFL history, and it’s not even close. But this year is ‘different’. Detroit has a head coach with a Lion-sized chip on his shoulder and a talented roster ready to roar. It’s led to enormous expectations in The Mitten.

Detroit is looking to prove they not only deserve a chance to avoid relegation to Canada for the 95th year in a row but also that the Lions are ready to compete for the NFC North division crown. If all goes well, they could be taking their first-ever trip to the Super Bowl, but I’m here to tell you not to get your hopes up this year if you’ve somehow stumbled into being a Lions fan. Here are just three reasons why the Lions will never win a Super Bowl.

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3 Reasons Why the Jacksonville Jaguars Will Never Win a Super Bowl

August 28, 2023November 26, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

The Jacksonville Jaguars are tied for being the third-youngest franchise in the NFL, so it’s understandable that they have yet to win a Super Bowl. Then again, if the Baltimore Ravens can do it, there’s no excuse for the Jaguars’ perpetual failures. As we saw back in 2014 when the Jaguars drafted Blake Bortles over Derek Carr, Aaron Donald, or Zack Martin, settling for less is just what Jacksonville does.

Yet, fans still have hope, and why shouldn’t they? Trevor Lawrence is him. Everyone always thinks Jesus is coming back. Little do they know he’s finally arrived in Duval County. But does that mean the Jags have what it takes to shag a Super Bowl? Not now, and not ever. Here’s why.

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3 Reasons Why the Buffalo Bills Will Never Win a Super Bowl

August 24, 2023December 5, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

If there’s one team that deserves to win a Super Bowl more than any other NFL franchise, it’s the Buffalo Bills, hands down. As Bills Mafia knows all too well, Buffalo has a long, storied history in the NFL’s biggest game. But it’s not a tale anyone wants to re-live.

Despite existing since the first Super Bowl was played back in 1967, the Bills have never earned a Lombardi Trophy. It’s not like they haven’t tried. The Bills have given it their all, becoming just one of two teams to lose all four times they’ve reached the final stage. Aside from maybe following the Cleveland Browns, it doesn’t get any worse than being a Bills fan.

Let’s be honest. Bills Mafia deserves a Super Bowl for their trolling alone. This is the best fanbase in football. But trophies aren’t won by fans busting their asses by launching into tables in the classiest ways. Not that the Bills would know what it takes to win anything. Even though you won’t find a team more desperate, here are three reasons why the Bills will never achieve their goal of winning a Super Bowl.

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Why the Arizona Cardinals Will Win the Super Bowl This Season

August 23, 2023November 30, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

The Arizona Cardinals have existed, in some form, since 1920. But they’ve never won a Super Bowl. Sure, they managed to lose one back in 2008, but who cares about the past? Life is all about the future. Using my birds-eye view, I see a Cardinals Super Bowl win coming at the end of the 2023-24 NFL season.

Steve Keim is no longer working the roster into a drunken stupor, and Kliff Kingsbury isn’t coaching this team anymore. It’s all uphill from here, with zero setbacks holding this franchise back.

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Pro Football Hall of Fame Realizes Monumental Mistake With Ronde Barber HOF Induction

August 16, 2023November 26, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

On a memorable summer afternoon in early August, Ronde Barber and eight other legends were inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio. For many, like the Barber family, it’s a day they’ll celebrate forever. But for the Pro Football Hall of Fame, it’s a day they’ll never forget due to their monumental mistake.

Ronde and Tiki Barber are identical twins born seven minutes apart. But once they took to the gridiron, the individualities couldn’t be more different.

Tiki, the all-purpose running back who found joy in fumbling the Giants’ Super Bowl chances away, and Ronde, the hard-hitting cornerback who actually did have what it takes to win a Lombardi Trophy, led quite different NFL careers.

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3 Reasons Why the Cleveland Browns Will Never Win the Super Bowl

August 8, 2023November 22, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

All 32 NFL franchises have existed since at least 2002. Some teams go back much further, like the Cleveland Browns, who were founded in 1946. Yet, despite the first Super Bowl taking place back in 1967, 12 teams have still never won a Lombardi Trophy, and the Browns are one of them.

But now there’s hope that Deshaun Watson, Nick Chubb, Amari Cooper, and Myles Garrett can clinch not only an AFC North division victory but also a trip to the Super Bowl. If so, it would be Cleveland’s first-ever Super Bowl appearance. However, we’re not so high on the Browns’ chances. In fact, we’re going so far as to say the Browns will never win a Super Bowl in franchise history. Here’s why.

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Rudy Gobert Reveals Minnesota Timberwolves’ Plot To Dominate NBA With 3-Point Shooting

July 31, 2023January 15, 2024 Harvey Ballbanger

The Minnesota Timberwolves are going balls deep this season. They already have the best shooting big man in the NBA with Karl-Anthony Towns, and now they have another ace in the hole with Rudy Gobert.

Previously, the biggest knock on the three-time Defensive Player of the Year’s game was his lack of an offensive game, but it’s obvious The Stifle Tower plans to erase all weaknesses. Just look at how graceful his three-point shot is here.

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3 New York Jets Hard Knocks Storylines To Watch This Season

July 31, 2023September 21, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

Every year the NFL picks one team they’d like to see get to the Super Bowl by featuring them on HBO’s Hard Knocks. Last year they wisely picked the Detroit Lions, and their Lombardi aspirations damn near came true, going from a three-win team to one with nine victories.

Now that Aaron Rodgers is ready to take a bite out of the Big Apple, we turn our attention to the New York Jets, the NFL’s next poster child. But unfortunately, he didn’t bring a Super Bowl trophy with him, and Joe Namath isn’t suiting up any time soon. In fact, Broadway Joe couldn’t care less about how the team performs. He’s made that clear while chasing other dreams.

But it’s clear to everyone within earshot of Fireman Ed that the Jets have a Super Bowl or bust mentality heading into head coach Robert Saleh’s third season as head coach. Yet it’s been 54 years since the last time the Jets won the big game, and if you really want to get technical, they’ve never won a Super Bowl in the NFL. Pretty pathetic, huh?

None of that matters because J-E-T-S Jets! fans don’t remember the past. All they care about is what’s happening this minute and the next. And what’s next is Hard Knocks. But what will the three biggest topics be during this season’s training camp special? We have all the answers.

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Manning Infant Signs Largest NIL Deal in Sports History

July 29, 2023September 21, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

When you know, you know. That’s the case with the latest golden arm to drop out of the womb. That’s right. There’s another Manning in town.

First, it was Archie Manning. Then came his sons Peyton and Eli Manning. Later, the grandson, Arch Manning, son of Cooper. Now another legend has been crafted.

Sure, this newest Manning may still be in the infant stage, but he’s already under the spotlight, thanks to signing the largest Name, Image, and Likeness (NIL) endorsement deal in sports history.

The actual terms of the agreement have not yet been disclosed, but it’s clear we have another winner here, folks. The five-star recruit is already projected to be the No. 1 pick in the 2044 NFL Draft by the Cleveland Browns or Detroit Lions if they’re still allowed to continue their attempt at avoiding their first Super Bowl appearance.

Yet, there’s always hope of this Manning phenom pulling an Eli power move, refusing to play for such a shitty franchise like the Los Angeles Chargers.

For now, all we can do is plan to save up for front-row tickets to all his football sporting events. It is not yet known which elementary school he will attend, but you can imagine the enticing offers he’s already considering from programs across the nation.

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