SPORTS MEMES, SATIRE & PARODY
If Jalen really wants to, he can help the Philadelphia Eagles get balls deep into that end zone until it Hurts so good. All season long. Listen, this team defied all odds and made it to the fucking Super Bowl last season.
Dak Prescott is promising he isn’t going to throw any interceptions anymore. That should help. The Dallas Cowboys would also be wise to avoid glory holes if they really want to let ‘em hang.
To reach paydirt this season, the Dallas Cowboys need to make Zack Martin happy. What’s going on there?
Jim Irsay is probably dropping his phone in the toilet while attempting to snap a whiskey dick pic right now. That’s not good, he’s going to be looking for something else to do, which means he’s about to go on a bender for the ages.
Continue reading “How the Indianapolis Colts Can Get Balls Deep in That End Zone This Year”
Dexter Lawrence is going to be balls deep in every opposing team’s backfield on almost every snap. That means all the New York Giants need to do is pound the fucking rock. Over and over again. Rinse. Repeat.
Whether you want to look forward or back in time, imagine this, it’s the buttcrack of dawn on a sunny August morning. You’re taking inventory of the skies, there’s only a few clouds in sight.
It’s going to be a hot day and you can feel it as you’re trotting across the blacktop, in your socks, on your way to greener pasture. With your cleats in one hand and your helmet in the other, there’s only one question remaining, are you ready for some football?
The freshly cut field awaits for you to seize the moment of opportunity with every drop of sweat and every ounce of effort in your body. Ladies and gentlemen, football is in the air. From high school teams all the way to the pros, it’s the time of year when dreams are made or crushed, one play at a time.
There’s a haze in the air with only a slight breeze to cool you down. The high heat hasn’t hit yet but you’re already breaking a sweat under your pads. With gnats nibbling at your ankles, you begin to dig your cleats into the dirt to stretch before putting your fingers in the grass.
Oh yeah baby, football is finally back and it’s your time to shine. This is your story. This is your rise to glory.
Every year, countless athletes train in the late summer heat for their upcoming battles in the trenches. Every team starts with a blank slate. The same record. They all share the same goal. The allure of winning it all is worth leaving it all on the field, every single day. It all begins now.
It’s no secret that Connor McDavid is the greatest player in hockey by a mile. For those who are geographically challenged, that equals approximately 1.6 kilometers, but nobody uses those anymore.
That kind of talent deserves to win championships, but the Stanley Cup has not been in Edmonton, Alberta, since 1990. In fact, the Stanley Cup has not been held by a team in Canada for 30 years and counting.
During the 2022-23 NHL season, the Edmonton Oilers finished strong with a record of 53 wins, 23 losses, and 9 overtime/shootout losses. That was good enough for 109 points on the season, which only qualified for second place in the competitive Pacific Division of the Western Conference.
Fortunately, it was good enough to qualify for the postseason, where it doesn’t matter what your record was. The only thing that matters in playoff hockey is doing whatever it takes to win. Just ask the Vegas Golden Knights, they know what it takes to win.
The Edmonton Oilers, on the other hand, just didn’t have the balls it takes to swing big dicks in the playoffs. In the NHL, defense can still help you win championships, especially if you can score the puck while stopping the other team’s advances.
Edmonton had to dig deep just to beat the Los Angeles Kings in the first round of the NHL. Connor McDavid and the Oilers ultimately proved victorious in the series, winning four games after literally handing the Kings two of the games, for free, by choosing to lose in overtime. Did they throw those two games?
Then, the Edmonton Oilers fell flat against the eventual Stanley Cup champion Vegas Golden Knights in the second round of the playoffs. What’s even worse is their pathetic performance was against a recent NHL expansion team. Expansion teams should never win championships, yet the Knights were skating circles around the oil slicks, causing them to lose the series four games to two.
It’s that time of year when football is in the air because training camp is almost here. Are you ready for some football? Dak Prescott sure is. In fact, Dak is ready for the season to begin today, he’s already in mid-season form in his own mind.
Hell, he probably thinks he’s in the best shape of his life. We’re not sure what kind of fairy dust the Dallas Cowboys are snowing upon their players this season but it sure has them feeling invincible.
The entire football world remains shocked that Tom Brady hasn’t announced he’s coming out of retirement yet. As everybody else is waiting for Brady to announce his comeback for another season, we’ve recently learned there may be more going on behind the scenes than meets the fly.
Continue reading “Tom Brady Busy Tossing Kim Kardashian’s Salad, Not Footballs”
With the NFL deadline for players to sign their franchise tag tenders fast approaching, there are plenty of rumors circulating around Saquon Barkley. As one of the most dynamic running backs in football, everyone in the league is paying close attention to how this situation plays out.
As of the time this article was published, Saquon Barkley still has not signed his franchise tag offer or a long-term deal with the New York Giants. In the past, he has made it clear that his desire is to work out a long-term deal with the Giants. As far as everyone can tell, that feeling is mutual.
Any tagged player who does not sign a multiyear deal with their team by July 17 at 4 pm ET is kind of left between a rock and a hard place. By NFL rules, any unsigned tagged player must either play the 2023 season under the franchise tag terms or be forced to forfeit the tag’s guaranteed salary by electing to sit out the season.
Although it would be a massive disappointment for both football and Giants fans to be deprived of a hangry Saquon terrorizing defenses on Sundays, you shouldn’t be pointing fingers at Barkley if that becomes a reality.
There’s a lot of leaks that happen when it comes to contract disputes. All of these so-called leaks have origins, just not sources anybody is willing to attach their names or reputations to. That’s when you know the rumors swirling are mostly bullshit or fueled by an agenda that has nothing to do with the negotiations or players and teams involved.
When it comes to the contract dispute between the Giants and Saquon, you are dealing with two extremely professional sides of the negotiation table. These are classy people on both sides of the table.
There is no way Saquon and his representatives are leaking anything because where would that get them? Nobody is trying to win a publicity stunt here. There’s too much loyalty at stake.
Historically, the Giants tend to keep things behind closed doors. Joe Schoen certainly doesn’t have interest in publicly ruffling the feathers of one of the team’s most beloved current players. It’s a lose-lose for either side to leak any kind of story regarding these negotiations. Especially one painting the other party in a negative light.
So, why are there caps swirling from nearly every talking asshole with an opinion regarding Saquon Barkley’s contract negotiations? Half the time, you have talking heads spewing opinions as facts that mislead most of the public.
The other half of the time, you have fans with extremely selective hearing or limited comprehension skills. They hear, read, and regurgitate every sports story with their own unique spin on it. After that, stories tend to take on a life of their own.
Trolling fans and the bullshit they spread online are literally the biggest source of fake news on the entire planet. They really ought to be ashamed of themselves. Who would ever resort to circulating fake news or false rumors on the internet? Damn trolls!
However, uninformed fans with a penchant for putting a little English on the ol’ spin aren’t the only ones to blame. There certainly have been some wild negotiation stories spreading from the tweets heard between the sheets.
However, if you want the real story behind the Saquon Barkley contract situation, you’ll need to check your security clearance at the door. If you somehow lost your clearance badge, don’t worry, we’ve had A Fly On The Ball behind the scenes, ready with the full scoop.
There are primarily three factors behind why the New York Football Giants and Saquon Barkley are struggling to come to terms. None of it has to do with greed, at least not on Saquon’s part. That dude has already earned every penny he has coming to him and then some.
The first reason Saquon and the Giants haven’t reached a deal yet is because…
Continue reading “The REAL Story Behind The Saquon Barkley Contract Situation”
When will somebody from The Last Frontier start a petition to get an NHL team? You literally don’t even have to build an arena, just drop the puck on a glacier somewhere. Let’s play hockey. I’m sure the NHL will send a Zamboni your way and you can probably just find somebody from Ice Road Truckers to run that ice-cold rig.
Continue reading “Why Doesn’t Alaska Have an NHL Team Yet?”
