How Arthur Smith and Arthur Blank Are Giving Art a Bad Name

It’s never a good look when you lose to the worst team in football. Not only did the Atlanta Falcons fall to a Carolina Panthers team that would be hard-pressed to compete in the SEC, the Dirty Birds appear to have been grounded for good. Let’s face it, this Atlanta Falcons team is built to compete in an era before the forward pass was even legal.

Ask any bird or fly for that matter. It’s impossible to take off with clipped wings. The Falcons couldn’t move the ball through the air even if they wanted to. There have been plenty of Monday morning armchair general managers who want to blame the Atlanta Falcons quarterback room, but that just isn’t fair.

The real reason why the Falcons can’t get airborne has nothing to do with Desmond Ridder’s lack of talent, inability to read a defense, or go through his progressions. Rumor has it that Falcons head coach Arthur Smith is afraid to fly. Smith’s clear fear of flying is the primary reason he doesn’t even have a dedicated quarterbacks coach on his staff in 2023.

Just like Big Bird, Arthur Smith doesn’t have the wings or aerodynamic body type required to achieve flight. Both Big Bird and Arthur Smith have the beak and the aftermarket bug shield in place, by all accounts, they look like birds. Yet, something seems off. Something just isn’t quite right here.

For starters, both Arthur Smith and Big Bird have failed to spread their wings wherever they’ve been. You’ll never get wheels up if you don’t at least attempt to leave the nest. Did you know Big Bird has held the same job since 1969? Talk about a lifer.

Despite several chances to move up the corporate ladder or explore better opportunities outside of Sesame Street, Big Bird stayed put. Even after retiring, Big Bird still lives in the basement of his mom’s nest.

Arthur Smith is kind of in the same boat. His dad started FedEx. This means Smith has a foolproof contingency plan in his back pocket at all times. The truth is, Arthur ‘Big Bird’ Smith still lives in the comfortable basement of his dad’s overwhelmingly prosperous nest. This kind of trust-fund baby mindset is enabling his reckless approach with the media, fans, and even within the locker room. 

Then, there is the lingering question of offensive play calling. There was a time when Smith had success shoving the ball down the throats of his opponents through ground-and-pound football. He once famously called 16 running plays in a row that resulted in reaching paydirt like it was prom night. No lube needed.

Somehow, those days are long gone. This is very odd, considering the Falcons used the seventh overall pick in the 2023 NFL Draft on workhorse running back Bijan Robinson. This beast needs more touches. Period.

Fast forward to present day and all you see is play calling that could only be described as trying to get too cute. Smith and his ridiculous muff buffer have unrealized potential all over the roster, the talent is there. Sadly, Big Bird Smith’s own play calling can’t get out of their way. 

This kind of self-defeating egotistical arrogance just screams Matt Nagy, Adam Gase, and Josh McDaniels.

*checks notes*

Those guys aren’t head coaches anymore and they never will be again. Big Bird Smith is well on his way to joining that distinguished club.

How the Carolina Panthers Clipped the Wings of the Atlanta Falcons

When the Falcons initially made the decision to move on from Matt Ryan, many fans expected greener pastures. Getting younger and more athletic at quarterback could only mean a massive improvement to almost every casual fan out there. Well, the opposite has proven to be true.

Just look at how that has worked out for teams such as the New York Giants since moving on from Eli Manning. It’s no secret that playing football for the Giants has been like being sent to the Island of Misfit Toys.

Newsflash, younger quarterbacks are rarely better than the veterans they push into retirement. Fans are foolish for being impatient with veteran quarterbacks in their twilight years. Meanwhile, the post-Tom Brady life has been overflowing with noodles for the New England Patriots.

Just look at the recent resurgence of Joe Flacco, who is positioning himself for the biggest long-term deal of his career this offseason. That’s just the nature of business in the NFL, the very definition of a “what have you done for me lately” work environment.

Flacco is playing himself into a major multi-year deal once he hits free agency this offseason. Add Flacco to the list of quarterbacks the Atlanta Falcons missed out on.

Thanks to Tom Brady’s recent victory over Father Time, teams are finally willing to see where 40-year-old-plus quarterbacks can take them. On the other hand, the Falcons foolishly moved on from their proven veteran, Matty Ice, two seasons ago after flirting with DeShaun Watson. Oops.

Heading into their matchup versus the Falcons on December 17, 2023, the Carolina Panthers had only won one game all season long. To say this team is pathetic would be an understatement. Some people think the Panthers’ problems begin and end at the very top of the totem pole. If that narrative proves to be true, what does that say about Arthur Blank and the Atlanta Falcons?

Luckily, you don’t have to spend much time browsing the web for answers to that question. The Falcons fanbase is fed up and it sounds like they aren’t going to visit Blank’s oversized bird feeder in Atlanta much longer. 

After losing to the worst team in the NFL since the winless Detroit Lions, the Atlanta Falcons might just be the biggest laughingstock in the league at the moment. Their lack of gameplan, execution, and inability to make adjustments are obvious.

On paper, it appears as though Desmond Ridder’s interception set the Panthers up to win the game on Sunday. What’s sad is the Panthers defeated the Falcons without reaching the end zone a single time all afternoon. That’s right, the kittens who still haven’t found their purr plucked the Falcons’ feathers by kicking three measly field goals.

It’s no secret the Panthers are considered one of the most dysfunctional organizations in the entire world. Their knee-jerk reaction management style and premature ejaculation problem become evident once you realize David Tepper is currently shelling out more money for fired head coach contracts than Rupert Murdoch pays in alimony every month.

At the end of the day, the Falcons lost to the worst team in football, not just the NFL. That pretty much means tag, you’re it, Falcons. Congratulations on becoming the worst team in football. It’s a long way to the top when you haven’t even hit rock bottom yet.

Will Arthur Big Bird Smith survive this tumultuous season? Despite reports saying otherwise, the crystal ball says hell no! It’s finally time to leave the nest, Artie. Go ahead, you can do it, buddy…

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Buzz McFly

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Buzz McFly hears all the latest buzz through his impressive network consisting of millions of flies swarming near every pile of shit in the entire world. When shit goes down, Buzz has eyes on the scene waiting to bask in the latest filth and dirt. Growing up an avid sports fan, his credibility in the field is second to none. He comes from a long line of spectator sporting event reporters willing to lay it all on the line for a fresh scoop of the latest news before it breaks wind anywhere else.

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