Who we are:

We’re fucking flies who operate A Fly On The Ball

What personal data we collect and why we collect it:

Comments:

When visitors leave comments on the site, some Silicon Valley and Deep State douchebags want to collect your fucking data. They want to get their grubby little hands on the data shown in the comments form, your goddamn IP address, and browser user agent string to help spam detection. If that string thing is not a fly bikini, you already lost our attention.

Apparently, an anonymized string created from your email address (also called a hash, but where’s the pipe?) may be provided to the Gravatar service to see if you are using it. But hey, if you have hash, you’re probably fucking using it. The Gravatar service privacy policy is available here: https://automattic.com/privacy/. After approval of your comment, your profile picture is visible to the public in the context of your comment but who really gives a shit?

Media:

If you upload images to the website, you should avoid uploading images with embedded location data (EXIF GPS) included. Visitors to the website can download and extract any location data from images on the website. Unless you are trying to advertise your location, it’s probably better to keep your fucking dick pics to yourself.

Contact Forms and Related Cookies:

We’re flies, we fuckin’ love cookies! So do the Silicon Valley and Deep State douchebags. If you leave a comment on our site, you may opt-in to saving your name, email address, and website in the online cookie jar. These are for your convenience so you don’t have to fill in your fucking details again when you leave another pointless comment. These cookies will last for one year. They usually go stale before then, but hey, whatever.

If you have an account and you log in to this site, we will set a temporary cookie to determine if your browser accepts cookies. This cookie contains no personal data and is discarded when you close your browser. In all reality, if we could find this cookie, we’d prefer to fucking eat it rather than throw it away.

When you log in, we will also set up several cookies to save your login information and your screen display choices. Login cookies last for two days, and screen options cookies last for a year. If you select “Remember Me”, your login will persist for two weeks. If you log out of your account, the login cookies will be removed.

We don’t keep them in a fucking cookie jar or anything like that. There aren’t enough cookie jars in the world to store that kind of sweetness.

If you edit or publish an article, an additional cookie will be saved in your browser. This cookie includes no personal data and simply indicates the post ID of the article you just edited. It expires after 1 day. That’s a pretty shitty cookie.

Embedded content from other websites:

Articles on this site may include embedded content (e.g. videos, images, articles, etc.). Embedded content from other websites behaves in the exact same way as if the visitor has visited the other website. We just like to bring that content to you because we fucking can. If you do not accept cookies from A Fly On The Ball, then you may not have access to some embedded content. Don’t trip, it’s out of our hands at that point.

These websites may collect data about you, use cookies, embed additional third-party tracking, and monitor your interaction with that embedded content, including tracking your interaction with the embedded content if you have an account and are logged in to that website. Not our fucking concern.

Analytics:

We comply with Google GA-4 analytics requirements. Like all of the internet, Google strongarms everyone into doing things their way. Google also is in charge of which search results to show you but they never show A Fly On The Ball results anymore. Ever since the Google “Helpful Content Update”, many small independent sites such as us are being bullied and buried by the big bad wolf known as Google and there is nothing we can do about it.

Therefore, if you have a problem with how Google handles your analytics data, you can take it up with them. Trust us when we say that Google does not and will not ever care what you or anyone else outside of Google thinks about the way they do things. Period. Unless Google likes you or benefits from you, you’re fucked.

Who we share your data with and how long we retain your data:

If you leave a comment, the comment and its metadata are retained indefinitely. This is so we can recognize and approve any follow-up comments automatically instead of holding them in a moderation queue. Hey flies, they mentioned a fucking barbeque!

For users that register on our website (if any), we also store the personal information they provide in their user profile. All users can see, edit, or delete their personal information at any time (except they cannot change their username). Website administrators can also see and edit that information. Not sure when they’ll ever have time to look at that though, they can barely keep this shitty website going. Dumb fucks.

What rights you have over your data:

If you have an account on this site, or have left comments, you can request to receive an exported file of the personal data we hold about you, including any data you have provided to us. You can also request that we erase any personal data we hold about you. This does not include any data we are obliged to keep for administrative, legal, or security purposes. That belongs to the Deep State Silicon Valley douchebags and it always will.

Where we send your data:

Visitor comments may be checked through an automated spam detection service. Nobody likes spam. If you bring the spam, we will swarm in disbelief. Other than that, we don’t send cookies knowingly or willingly to anyone. If there are cookies in our jar, they will be eaten.

Your contact information or additional information:

If you buy something from our shop, that comes with additional cookies. However, we don’t sell or share your cookies or information to anyone, at any time. The only information we collect at the time of purchase is that which is legally required by law for secure payment processing and order delivery. We don’t even run ads on our site because we want you to buy our shit, not somebody else’s.

Although we are broke flies, we vow to never sell your cookies to anyone. We won’t sell data to people looking for sales leads, lists, or anything else. Ever. We don’t even spam our own customers with emails asking for return business. Everybody gets enough junk mail and worthless fucking telemarketing calls. We refuse to be a part of that shit.

We are flies who just want to leave you in peace but we really fucking appreciate our customers and readers! We ask that you help us spread the word or share a link if you like what we do. Our grassroots marketing campaign is simple: be a friend and tell a friend. You can subscribe or follow us on Facebook, X, Pinterest, or IG. We’re not here to reinvent the flying V formation or anything crazy like that.

Should you place an order, the only emails you receive will be one confirming your order and then an additional email marking the order as complete on the day it ships. If you subscribe to A Fly On The Ball, you will only receive an email when a new article is published. We’re pretty chill around here.

How we protect your data:

We are just flies. We trust the professionals to protect your data. We have no interest in your data and we’re not sure why anybody else does. As stated above, we are not going to share your cookies with anyone, for any reason, at any time (outside of legally required data for payment processing and product delivery purposes).

What data breach procedures we have in place:

We swarm around piles of fucking shit in hopes that people will stay away. We’re not sure what else would even work. Trust us, nobody wants to get near us and most of you are always trying to swat us away. We always hear, “Shoo fly!” In fact, one of us caught the untimely demise of a flyswatter’s revenge just the other day. Rest in peace, buddy.

As for A Fly On The Ball, it is secured through a professional encrypted web hosting service. Security certificates are in place, the cache is kept clear, and cybersecurity plugins are kept up to date. All order information is handled and protected through WooCommerce (or WooCommerce-Approved Payment Processing Partners) and professional print-on-demand partners trusted worldwide with confidence.

What third parties we receive data from:

We receive our information from a network of insects known as flies. Are they considered third parties? Or is this like a threeway? We’ve never tried a threesome before. That could be fun but it should also be discreet. Everyone probably agrees third party activity should be kept discreet.

What automated decision making and/or profiling we do with user data:

Our bodies automatically decide when we have to shit or piss. That’s a lot to deal with on a daily basis. We’re not even going to talk about whatever triggers our hunger. When it’s time to flush, we flush. We don’t let it mellow around here.

Affiliate marketing disclosure:

Clicking on some links throughout A Fly On The Ball may earn us a small referral fee, at no extra cost to you, if you make a purchase. It’s kind of a win-win. Instead of swatting at a fucking fly, you can actually put some shit on our dinner plate. Call it karma to make up for all those flies you’ve killed over the years, asshole.

A Fly On The Ball is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to compensate affiliates in exchange for using content to direct traffic to the big A. That basically means we’re a couple of flies who earn from qualifying purchases at Amazon.

There may be other affiliate links from time to time. Help a fly out and fucking buy something. Don’t just be a fucking freeloader. Jesus…

Industry regulatory disclosure requirements:

Full disclosure, we’re not sure what this fucking means. Contact us if you’ve got a problem with that. Oh, hey look, a bright blue light that’s calling me. Brb…

ZAP!

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