It’s no secret that Bill Belichick has assembled a top-notch defense for the New England Patriots, yet again. However, their offensive struggles have been well-documented since the departure of a certain Tom Brady. To be blunt, it’s been a while since the Patriots have gone balls deep in the playoffs so they can let ‘em hang again.
Unfortunately, Brady is too distracted to play football right now which means the Patriots’ offense is stuck with Mac Jones. Everyone knows Mac Jones can’t get balls deep. Malik Cunningham looks like the only player willing to jumpstart some life into this stagnant offense.
There’s no way New England will go with Cunningham under center this year, so the Patriots will not be getting balls deep into anything besides the cellar of the AFC East. But hey, there’s always next year, right? Maybe Cunningham will be ready by then.
Only Belichick could find a Hall Of Fame quarterback in the undrafted free agency pile. His final masterpiece will be squeezing another six Lombardi trophies out of someone nobody else believed in. It will be his final ‘fuck you’ to Brady, reminding everyone who the real GOAT is.
Bill has been clear, he plans on coaching until the day he dies, he has a lot more to give the game of football. If you really think about it, Belichick is just entering his prime as a head coach. He’s sharp as a knife and knows the game better than your wife knows the mailman.
Coming soon to the waters of Massachusetts? A boat named The Real GOAT after Belichick molds Cunningham into a more dynamic game-changer than Brady ever was. You just have to give ol’ Bill one more year to realize Mac Jones isn’t the guy. Then, the Patriots can finally start getting balls deep in the NFL Playoffs once again.
Until then, prepare to have a serious case of blue balls, Pats Nation. Nothing is worse than being the odd man out after last call. You’ll get used to it but only for a season. Don’t worry, there are good things in your future with Malik Cunningham at the helm.
For now, pop a lil’ V, get a lil’ bone, and get down tonight. It’s gonna a Paul Revere’s ride before you get balls deep again. If Kylo Ren can let you down this much, just imagine the damage Jones can do if you give him a long enough leash. Yikes.
While the rest of us were lubing up for Darth Vader, Kylo Ren was busy polishing his light saber. Then, the ending of 65 happened and your light saber went completely flaccid, everybody’s did. Now we all have blue balls. Blame Ren, not me.
You shouldn’t need 65 million fucking years and a poorly executed movie to figure this one out. Deal with it. Cunningham is your guy. Period. Kylo Ren in 65 sucks fucking balls like Mac and Me. Get the picture?
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