New Orleans Pelicans Superstar Also Sacrificing Oatmeal Creme Pies in Latest Display of Strength
Zion Williamson is just four years into his NBA career, and at this point, he’s known more for what he does off the court than on the waxed wood. It’s a hard but honest truth for the former No. 1 overall pick out of Duke.
Williamson grinded through just 29 games last season because he was consumed with banging out the best sex tape we’ve seen since Reggie Bush teamed up with Kim Kardashian for a memorable and inspiring performance. Scouts say this explosive tale has the potential to win Oscars.
It’s no wonder hype about the dynamite Moriah Mills-Zion Williamson sex tape has nearly climaxed, with the OnlyFans model being offered $1 million for the rights. There is no word on which company is creepily pursuing unprecedented access to the titillating film. Still, we can only imagine all the heavy hitters such as Netflix, Hulu, Prime, and Apple+ are lurking in the shadows with a bottle of lotion.
It’s amazing to think the highly-anticipated film is gaining so much traction considering even Twitter has worked to quiet Miss Mills by suspending her account.
While his life outside of the NBA has never been better, Williamson is taking heat, and his relationship with the Pelicans is spiraling out of control. Now rumors point to a possible trade, but the 6-foot-6, 284-pound star is springing into action instead.
Hoping to avoid being labeled a bust for more reasons than one, Williamson has now decided to quit having sex altogether. He cites too much pressure to perform on and off the court as the top factor.
Little does he know, Williamson will also soon realize the added focus that comes along with such a move, as pioneer George Costanza once discovered.
Williamson added that it’s time to begin considering trying to take his NBA career seriously. Some players are averaging more than 28 games per season, and Williamson is starting to take notice. He says he can always go back to his day job once his side hustle here in New Orleans is finished, probably in about two more seasons or 45 games played, whichever cums first.
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Harvey Ballbanger loves to shoot the shit. If he were bigger, he’d probably be a baller. Hell, if he hadn’t gotten a wing clipped, he’d be Ballbangin’ for the NFL right now, messing around with triple-doubles in his downtime in the NBA. But that isn’t the case. Instead, Ballbanger’s letting it all hang out, delivering fresh piles, from one throne to another.
