Charles Barkley Is The Round Mound of Knuckleheads

April 28, 2024April 28, 2024 Buzz McFly

When it comes to inadvertent, unadulterated soundbites, it’s becoming clear that Charles Barkley is The Round Mound of Knuckleheads. Even though he is far removed from his playing days as an undersized and overweight forward in the NBA, Barkley still continues to deliver highlight reels for the ages on a nightly basis.

Unfortunately, Barkley’s lackadaisical approach to working out and his hatred for the gym ultimately did him in as a player. His lack of discipline became obvious as he struggled to stay in shape over the course of his career. When asked what his typical workout routine was as a player, Barkley eagerly provided a demonstration using a Shake Weight:

via GIPHY

Surprisingly, despite Barkley’s athletically challenged physique, he was actually a halfway decent basketball player back when he could still reach his toes to lace them up. During his NBA career, he waxed glass to the tune of 12,546 rebounds, proving Barkley’s knack for chasing balls. Sir Charles was so good at grabbing balls in a crowd that he earned an immortal nickname: The Round Mound of Rebound.

As a result, Chuck always had balls in his hands but he also knew how to use his clappers to score. In fact, Ball Hog Barkley scored a total of 23,757 points throughout his playing career. That takes a lot of balls. Nobody doubts Barkley’s ability to find the hole and get it in there.

Charles Barkley Chasing Balls Phoenix Suns T-Shirt

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The Everlasting Ballstopper: New James Harden Candy Coming Soon!

December 23, 2023April 7, 2024 Buzz McFly

It’s no secret that Willy Wonka changed the game when it comes to sugar and candy. That’s why the famous candy gods chose to name their newest scrumtrulescent creation after James Harden of the Los Angeles Clippers.

Coming soon to a convenience store near you is the Everlasting Ballstopper, a new gob-stopping flavor dropped in collaboration between Willy Wonka and James Harden. This new designer candy is fire.

When A Fly On The Ball reached out to Willy Wonka with questions regarding why they chose Harden as inspiration for their new Everlasting Ballstopper candy, the candy-czar’s response was short and sweet:

“Game recognize game.”
– Willy Wonka on Harden’s Contribution to the Everlasting Ballstopper

James Harden the Everlasting Ballstopper Meme Los Angeles Clippers T-Shirt Heavy Cotton Tee Gildan – Unisex

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Wonka originally scheduled a night out on the town in Los Angeles to catch a Clippers game but the big Hollywood star is always so busy. As a result, A Fly On The Ball had the privilege to catch a Clippers game in Wonka’s suite along with some of the top-performing Oompa Loompas within the company.

Thanks to Wonka’s generous open-bar policy, there were unlimited drinks and sweets on hand. By sticking around, A Fly On The Ball was able to catch some interesting behind-the-scenes tidbits regarding how Wonka originally came up with the idea for the Everlasting Ballstopper.

There was one Oompa Loompa in particular, Iggywumpus Guzzle-Gloop, who had an affinity for Snozberry Schnapps. So, ol’ Buzz McFly slipped the bartender a 20 and told him to “keep ’em comin!” He obliged. By the time the third quarter rolled around, a nightmarish sugar buzz was in full swing while the booze was encouraging loose lips. Journalism 101.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Iggywumpus went all Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds while deciding to drop a few tabs under the blue moon. Finally, a golden ticket to the Everlasting Ballstopper story. The details were about to get juicy.

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2023-2024 Minnesota Timberwolves Prove We Are Living in an Alternate Timeline

December 3, 2023December 7, 2023 Buzz McFly

Wolves in First Place in Western Conference NBA Standings

In case you’ve been living under a rock or spending too much time in the multiverse, the 2023-24 NBA Season is in full swing. With almost a quarter of the games already in the books, an interesting tinfoil hat theory is emerging from certain conspiracy circles. Why? Because the Minnesota Timberwolves currently are sitting alone atop the NBA’s Western Conference Standings with a record of 15-4.

Something just isn’t adding up here. Historically speaking, the Minnesota Timberwolves are the least successful team in the entire history of the NBA. With an all-time winning percentage of .402, the Wolves have not even been capable of playing .500 ball. Pathetic.

At the time of this article, the Timberwolves have won 1,091 games in their history while managing to lose 1,621 games. Even the Los Angeles Clippers have a higher all-time winning percentage of .419 and they’re complete losers.

What’s even worse is how the Timberwolves were a once-great franchise capable of playing with pride while packing the Target Center with balls-to-the-walls fans screaming their Minnesota Nice hearts out. When the Big Ticket was slapping the hardwood and pounding his chest, the house was always packed.

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Jimmy Butler Retires from NBA to Start Emo Band

October 14, 2023May 3, 2024 Buzz McFly

Band Tentatively Titled: Jimmy Escapes World

Jimmy Butler recently used the NBA’s media day to unveil a new look while announcing his retirement from being a man to focus on his new emo band, Jimmy Escapes World. It’s no secret the Miami Heat are in a difficult position entering the 2023-24 NBA season. Butler’s shocking retirement certainly isn’t going to help.

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5 Unique Stars New York Knicks Need to Trade for Next

July 5, 2023September 21, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

Madison Square Garden has never witnessed a true winner walk through those doors. Without one of these trades, they may never see one, especially if they continue to ignore our well-thought-out free agency recommendations. That’s the sad reality, and New York Knicks fans know it all too well.

But we won’t harp on the fact that, historically, the New York Knickerbockers are losers, with a career win rate below .500. We’re certainly not going to go on and on about how the Knicks have existed for 77 seasons yet have only won the NBA championship a measly two times. That’s a success rate of just 2.5%.

Of course, New Yorkers are the smartest, most in-touch sports fans in the entire world. I don’t need to remind them of the Knicks now having gone 50 consecutive years without winning a goddamned thing.

It’s clear the Knicks don’t know what they’re doing when building a basketball team. They’re a developmental squad fit for the G League more than belonging with winners in the NBA. The Knicks are the Flint City Tropics. Hands down.

Players around the association view the Knicks as a stepping stone, where players do a stint in New York, then go on to win a championship not long after, as DeAndre Jordan just did in Denver. No one actually takes the Knicks seriously. We certainly don’t and you shouldn’t either.

That’s why it’s so important for the Knicks to land one, just one, of these five players this summer. Let us know if you agree. Like the Knicks, we love nothing more than to hear from our passionate fanbase.

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One NBA Free Agency Signing Every Team Needs To Make

June 29, 2023September 21, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger and Buzz McFly

There can only be one winner. This year, it was the Denver Nuggets, but now even the defending champions face massive challenges heading into NBA free agency.

For teams who didn’t make a splash in the NBA draft or via trade, the free agent market is the next best option. This year’s crop of talent includes a lot of key players, like James Harden and Kyrie Irving. But there’s a wide collection of athletes who have largely snuck under the radar and can help win an NBA championship next season.

Here is one realistic NBA free agency signing every team needs to make this summer. Is there a name we missed? Or perhaps a player who you feel is a better fit for your favorite team? Let us know in the comment section below.

Atlanta Hawks

D’Angelo Russell

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A FLY ON THE BALL

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