New England Patriots - A FLY ON THE BALL

Jaylen Waddle Awaiting Important Shipment at Miami Beach Boardwalk

December 6, 2023December 20, 2023 Buzz McFly

The Penguin of South Beach Already Planning His Next Big Move

This just in. Reports emerging out of Miami, Florida, have several eyewitness accounts of Jaylen Waddle frequenting the Miami Beach Boardwalk. The star Miami Dolphins wide receiver has certainly made a name for himself in South Beach.

Since emerging from the rolling Tuscaloosa tide, The Penguin of South Beach has waddled his way to fortune, fame, and respect. It’s still entirely unclear how a penguin is able to move with such lightning-quick speed, his elusiveness continues to puzzle the defense department. It seems as though nobody can catch Waddle, slow him down, or stop him.

Since 2021, Jaylen Waddle has snagged over 236 certified airmail packages while racking up over 3,114 yards of distance, on webbed feet. Over that timespan, The Penguin of South Beach has reached paydirt 17 times and counting. That’s a lot of waddles.

via GIPHY

In 2023 alone, authorities have already credited 57 successful swipes by The Penguin of South Beach while estimating Waddle has covered at least 743 yards with the package in his possession. They even say he’s successfully delivered on his promises for at least three jobs requiring a touchdown approach, thus adding even more valuables to his vault this season.

As for his next big move, it’s no secret that Jaylen Waddle and his crew of Miami Dolphins have their eyes on the biggest prize of them all. That’s why Waddle has been seen frequenting the Miami Beach Boardwalk along with his hench-penguins lately.

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Noodles and Company Benches Mac Jones for New England Patriots Backup

November 16, 2023November 17, 2023 Buzz McFly

There has been plenty of speculation surrounding Mac Jones’ job security as the starting quarterback for the New England Patriots lately. Whether you are on the Jones bandwagon or not is irrelevant once you watch the tape. Facts are facts.

Jones simply isn’t the guy. His noodle-arm can’t push the ball down the field on a calm, sunny day in September. What makes anyone think he will be able to do it through the wicked swirling winds that come with a classic New England Nor’easter in the playoffs? Seriously, the tape never lies:

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Josh McDaniels Eats Himself Out of Las Vegas Raiders Head Coaching Job

November 8, 2023June 16, 2024 Buzz McFly

The Real Truth Behind the Termination of Josh McDaniels

It’s been just over a week since the Las Vegas Raiders made the decision to fire Josh McDaniels as their head football coach. As is always the case, the dust still hasn’t settled while the internet runs wild with speculation regarding what really happened behind closed doors.

Luckily, A Fly On The Ball caught wind of everything that went down. To say there are always flies lurking around the Raiders facilities would be an understatement.

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How the Miami Dolphins Can Get Balls Deep in That End Zone This Year

September 22, 2023December 20, 2023 Buzz McFly

Tua Tagovailoa Celebrates Birth of Son Named Bill Belichick

With a healthy Tua Tagovailoa, the Miami Dolphins should have no trouble getting balls deep in that end zone for the remainder of this season and beyond. The bigger challenge will be finding a way to keep Tua’s head in the game. That burden falls on the shoulders of the Dolphins’ offensive line.

So far, so good. Mike McDaniel’s scheme is righteous. His press conferences are must-see TV. Too bad Hard Knocks can’t get this guy on there, it might actually boost ratings. As for the Dolphins’ ability to slip it in there, it’s mating season in South Beach.

This offense is rolling. The Dolphins have jet-ski wideouts in Tyreek Hill and Jaylen Waddle. Tagovailoa has been lighting up the skies with his aerial attack. Even the ground attack is getting the job done when called upon.

After all, the Dolphins are 2-0 after taking down the New England Patriots in primetime on Sunday Night Football in Week 2 of the 2023 NFL season. Tagovailoa absolutely owns the Patriots in his career thus far, boasting a perfect 5-0 record against the once-mighty AFC East dynasty.

Ironically, Tagovailoa celebrated the birth of his second child on Sunday night. The newborn arrived minutes after emerging victorious over the Patriots for the fifth time in a row.

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3 Reasons Why the Buffalo Bills Will Never Win a Super Bowl

August 24, 2023December 5, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

If there’s one team that deserves to win a Super Bowl more than any other NFL franchise, it’s the Buffalo Bills, hands down. As Bills Mafia knows all too well, Buffalo has a long, storied history in the NFL’s biggest game. But it’s not a tale anyone wants to re-live.

Despite existing since the first Super Bowl was played back in 1967, the Bills have never earned a Lombardi Trophy. It’s not like they haven’t tried. The Bills have given it their all, becoming just one of two teams to lose all four times they’ve reached the final stage. Aside from maybe following the Cleveland Browns, it doesn’t get any worse than being a Bills fan.

Let’s be honest. Bills Mafia deserves a Super Bowl for their trolling alone. This is the best fanbase in football. But trophies aren’t won by fans busting their asses by launching into tables in the classiest ways. Not that the Bills would know what it takes to win anything. Even though you won’t find a team more desperate, here are three reasons why the Bills will never achieve their goal of winning a Super Bowl.

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How the New England Patriots Can Get Balls Deep in That End Zone This Year

August 20, 2023November 27, 2023 Buzz McFly

How the New England Patriots can get balls deep in that end zone - Mac Jones Can't Get Balls Deep

It’s no secret that Bill Belichick has assembled a top-notch defense for the New England Patriots, yet again. However, their offensive struggles have been well-documented since the departure of a certain Tom Brady. To be blunt, it’s been a while since the Patriots have gone balls deep in the playoffs so they can let ‘em hang again.

Unfortunately, Brady is too distracted to play football right now which means the Patriots’ offense is stuck with Mac Jones. Everyone knows Mac Jones can’t get balls deep. Malik Cunningham looks like the only player willing to jumpstart some life into this stagnant offense.

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Manning Infant Signs Largest NIL Deal in Sports History

July 29, 2023September 21, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

When you know, you know. That’s the case with the latest golden arm to drop out of the womb. That’s right. There’s another Manning in town.

First, it was Archie Manning. Then came his sons Peyton and Eli Manning. Later, the grandson, Arch Manning, son of Cooper. Now another legend has been crafted.

Sure, this newest Manning may still be in the infant stage, but he’s already under the spotlight, thanks to signing the largest Name, Image, and Likeness (NIL) endorsement deal in sports history.

The actual terms of the agreement have not yet been disclosed, but it’s clear we have another winner here, folks. The five-star recruit is already projected to be the No. 1 pick in the 2044 NFL Draft by the Cleveland Browns or Detroit Lions if they’re still allowed to continue their attempt at avoiding their first Super Bowl appearance.

Yet, there’s always hope of this Manning phenom pulling an Eli power move, refusing to play for such a shitty franchise like the Los Angeles Chargers.

For now, all we can do is plan to save up for front-row tickets to all his football sporting events. It is not yet known which elementary school he will attend, but you can imagine the enticing offers he’s already considering from programs across the nation.

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Connor McDavid Trade Request Looming Over Edmonton Oilers

July 21, 2023December 20, 2023 Buzz McFly

Will The Chosen One Follow The Great One Out Of The City Of Champions?

It’s no secret that Connor McDavid is the greatest player in hockey by a mile. For those who are geographically challenged, that equals approximately 1.6 kilometers, but nobody uses those anymore.

That kind of talent deserves to win championships, but the Stanley Cup has not been in Edmonton, Alberta, since 1990. In fact, the Stanley Cup has not been held by a team in Canada for 30 years and counting.

During the 2022-23 NHL season, the Edmonton Oilers finished strong with a record of 53 wins, 23 losses, and 9 overtime/shootout losses. That was good enough for 109 points on the season, which only qualified for second place in the competitive Pacific Division of the Western Conference.

Fortunately, it was good enough to qualify for the postseason, where it doesn’t matter what your record was. The only thing that matters in playoff hockey is doing whatever it takes to win. Just ask the Vegas Golden Knights, they know what it takes to win.

The Edmonton Oilers, on the other hand, just didn’t have the balls it takes to swing big dicks in the playoffs. In the NHL, defense can still help you win championships, especially if you can score the puck while stopping the other team’s advances.

Edmonton had to dig deep just to beat the Los Angeles Kings in the first round of the NHL. Connor McDavid and the Oilers ultimately proved victorious in the series, winning four games after literally handing the Kings two of the games, for free, by choosing to lose in overtime. Did they throw those two games?

Then, the Edmonton Oilers fell flat against the eventual Stanley Cup champion Vegas Golden Knights in the second round of the playoffs. What’s even worse is their pathetic performance was against a recent NHL expansion team. Expansion teams should never win championships, yet the Knights were skating circles around the oil slicks, causing them to lose the series four games to two.

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Russell Wilson’s Smartwatch Reveals QB Hasn’t Slept Since End of 2022 Season

July 16, 2023December 9, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

Every once in a while, you hear a rippin’ good yarn about an athlete who obsesses over perfecting their craft a tit too much. Unfortunately, Denver Broncos quarterback Russell Wilson has become the latest victim of this maddening malady.

You know the facts. Like how he’ll spend every waking moment rehabbing, to the point where Russ graciously gallops around the team plane when no one needs any rest, relaxation, or goddamn peace and quiet.

What an admirable competitor. This tireless dedication is exactly why Russ led the Broncos to a —checks notes— 4-11 record last season.

Nevertheless, Wilson’s nonstop ‘Let’s Ride’ mentality is a more severe case than we’ve ever caught wind of here at A Fly On The Ball. We’ve uncovered some titillating details after gaining access to data from Russell Wilson’s watch, more accurately, his Nike smartwatch.

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Tom Brady Busy Tossing Kim Kardashian’s Salad, Not Footballs

July 15, 2023November 27, 2023 Buzz McFly

Tom Brady Falling For Temptress Kim Kardashian

The entire football world remains shocked that Tom Brady hasn’t announced he’s coming out of retirement yet. As everybody else is waiting for Brady to announce his comeback for another season, we’ve recently learned there may be more going on behind the scenes than meets the fly.

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