Tag: Minnesota Vikings

🪰 Come Get A Parody’s Nuts With A Fly On The Football 🏈 The Latest Minnesota Vikings News As Heard By A Fly On The Ball 💩

Kirk Cousins Rap Album Leaks Vikings Diss Tracks

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Kirk Cousins

Did you really think Kirk Cousins wanted to leave the Minnesota Vikings for the Atlanta Falcons solely for football reasons? You’d be out of your mind to believe Kirko Chainz willingly passed up on the opportunity to keep playing with Justin Jefferson just because of the dollar bills, y’all. 

That’s not what happened at all. 

See, what the bigwigs like Adam Schefter, Ian Rapoport, and Dianna Russini will never tell you is that Cousins had ulterior motives. 

Quick, name one rapper who hails from Minneapolis. Exactly, you’re not worthy. But naming one who found success in Atlanta is easy. Whether you pick OutKast, Ludacris, or T.I., there are several rap legends from the ‘A.’ 

Now, Kirk Cousins is taking his rap career to the next level, hoping to become the latest, greatest rapper to ever emerge out of the Dirty South. Despite his appearances, Cousins isn’t just some geek off the streets. He’s handy with the steel if you know what I mean. He’s earned his keep, but now he’s bringing his hot bars to Atlanta, and he’s got his target aimed squarely at his old squeeze, the Minnesota Vikings. 

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Brett Favre Starring as The Mustard Man To Pay Debts Back

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Brett Favre Starring as Mustard Man Meme from A Fly On The Ball Final Version

John Madden’s Turducken Special

Imagine this, you work hard your entire life, amassing millions of dollars throughout your career, only to retire with nothing more than a spacious little farm in Mississippi. Now you have more land and time than you know what to do with.

In the end, retirement isn’t always the peaceful fairytale ending everyone hopes for. Just ask Brett Favre, who has had more than just a little trouble finding ways to make ends meet since retiring. That’s why you’ll see Brett Favre starring as The Mustard Man to pay debts back.

For a while there, people were not even entirely convinced Favre actually retired from football, the game that gave him everything in life. Many people still think Favre could return to his old gunslinger ways any day now, there’s no doubt he still has that old cannon locked and loaded. 

Imagine Brett Favre slinging it at Lambeau again now that Aaron Rodgers is out of the picture for good. Just the thought of it makes John Madden perk up a bit from the Great Beyond, he’s grilling some bratwursts and slow-roasting a turducken outside his bus just to get ready for the big game. Rumor has it, if Favre ever decides to play again, you might be able to hear Madden calling the game through a spirit box. 

John Madden's Turducken Special by A Fly On The Ball - Meme
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Noodle-Arm Brock Purdy Can’t Get San Francisco 49ers Balls Deep Into Playoffs

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Noodle-Arm Brock Purdy Can't Get Balls Deep

Every empire eventually crumbles, just ask the San Francisco 49ers, who literally built the framework to become the next dynasty in the NFL. They were only missing one key ingredient, a quarterback who could take the Niners to the promised land. Cue Brock Purdy, Mr. Irrelevant from the 2022 NFL Draft.

As has often been the case throughout his career, former San Francisco heartthrob Jimmy Garoppolo found himself unable to play. The teams Garoppolo plays for often mask his injuries with buzzwords such as shoulder, thumb, ACL tear, or pedal foot fracture but the reality is actually much more severe.

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NFL Trade Deadline Sources: Players Most Likely To Be Traded by Oct. 31

Harvey Ballbanger
NFL trade deadline

As even your girlfriend will tell you, there’s no period like the NFL trade deadline. This year, that spooky time of the month comes on Oct. 31, and as always, there are plenty of teams looking to shake up their rosters. Which NFL players are on the trade block? Who’s most likely to be traded before Tuesday’s deadline? 

Here’s a fresh pile of what A Fly On The Ball’s locker room sources chewed out, including NFL players guaranteed to be traded in 2023. 

Searching For Funny Fantasy Football Team Names?

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3 Reasons Why the Minnesota Vikings Will Never Win a Super Bowl

Harvey Ballbanger
Minnesota Vikings, Vikings Super Bowl

Some ships are made of metal. Some ships are made of wood. But the best ships–championships– don’t belong to Vikings. Imagine if they could?

On second thought, no. Don’t do that. 

There’s no point in wasting an ounce of energy dreaming about living in some fantasy world. Nothing has changed since the day you came into this world as a soggy mess no one wanted anything to do with. The Minnesota Vikings didn’t have any Super Bowl wins then, and the same will remain true when you leave this earth, when no one will want anything to do with you again, as your team remains a complete loser. That’s just life for a Vikings fan.

Yet, believe it or not, there are still some sick fucks out there (their term is a “glutton for punishment” oofta) who hold out hope that the Vikings will not only win a Super Bowl but possibly even later this season. We’re not joking. It’s a real condition several suffer from. Perhaps you’ve heard of Skoliosis? 

Unlike cowbell, there really is no prescription. Not that you need to fuck yourself up any further. You’re already a Vikings fan, for god’s sake. You betcha, it doesn’t get any worse than that donchaknow. 

Anyway, here are three reasons why the Minnesota Vikings will never win a Super Bowl.

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Entire Minnesota Vikings Team Reported Missing

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KIRK COUSINS BLAMES MINNESOTA VIKINGS FANS FOR SINKING SHIP - Entire Minnesota Vikings Team Reported Missing

Viking Ship Struck By Lightning On Home Turf

Before the 2023 NFL season began, if you told any Minnesota Vikings fan that they would be 0-3 after Week 3, they would have asked you what you’re smoking. After all, the Vikings went 13-4 in 2022 while boasting an impressive 11-0 record in one-score games. They even completed the biggest comeback in NFL history against the Indianapolis Colts. 

Then, you have to ask yourself, what kind of a team falls behind 33-0 against the 2022 Colts in the first place? That should have been the first red flag but many Vikings fans were basking in denial over being the fastest bicycle with training wheels.

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Brandon Staley Calls Fire Department To Report Flames Under His Seat

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Brandon Staley Calls Fire Department To Report Flames Under His Seat - Brandon Staley Flushes Chargers Job Down Toilet

Los Angeles Chargers Head Coach Already On Hot Seat

What happens when you are a defensive-minded head coach in the NFL who has one of the elite young quarterbacks in the league? High expectations. Both the fans and front office expect the defense to keep its young gunslinger in every single game. Unfortunately, for Brandon Staley and the Los Angeles Chargers, Justin Herbert can’t sling it and play defense. It’s not his job.

Things haven’t exactly been going smoothly for the Bolts this season, which only adds fuel to the fire after the Chargers lost their Wild Card playoff game in historical fashion last season. Even Staley is feeling the pressure, which is why he called his local fire department to report flames under his seat after watching film of his squad’s latest loss.

Once the fire department arrived, they could not find any signs of a potential fire whatsoever. As a result, the LAFD recommended Staley seek professional help to help him with his panic attacks, Todd Haley-level paranoia, and hallucinogenic trauma. Even the LAFD can see the writing on the wall, they want him fired just as much as the rest of Los Angeles.

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How the Denver Broncos Can Get Balls Deep in That End Zone This Year

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How the Denver Broncos can get balls deep - Sean Payton Can't Get Balls Deep Without Bounties

Sean Payton is an ignorant egotistical asshole. There is also evidence suggesting he is a psychopath from his time overlooking the Bountygate-era New Orleans Saints.

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Manning Infant Signs Largest NIL Deal in Sports History

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Manning

When you know, you know. That’s the case with the latest golden arm to drop out of the womb. That’s right. There’s another Manning in town.

First, it was Archie Manning. Then came his sons Peyton and Eli Manning. Later, the grandson, Arch Manning, son of Cooper. Now another legend has been crafted.

Sure, this newest Manning may still be in the infant stage, but he’s already under the spotlight, thanks to signing the largest Name, Image, and Likeness (NIL) endorsement deal in sports history. 

The actual terms of the agreement have not yet been disclosed, but it’s clear we have another winner here, folks. The five-star recruit is already projected to be the No. 1 pick in the 2044 NFL Draft by the Cleveland Browns or Detroit Lions if they’re still allowed to continue their attempt at avoiding their first Super Bowl appearance. 

Yet, there’s always hope of this Manning phenom pulling an Eli power move, refusing to play for such a shitty franchise like the Los Angeles Chargers.

For now, all we can do is plan to save up for front-row tickets to all his football sporting events. It is not yet known which elementary school he will attend, but you can imagine the enticing offers he’s already considering from programs across the nation.

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4 Key Storylines Entering 2023 NFL Preseason

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4 Key Headlines Entering 2023 NFL Preseason

Are You Ready for Some Football?

Whether you want to look forward or back in time, imagine this, it’s the buttcrack of dawn on a sunny August morning. You’re taking inventory of the skies, there’s only a few clouds in sight. 

It’s going to be a hot day and you can feel it as you’re trotting across the blacktop, in your socks, on your way to greener pasture. With your cleats in one hand and your helmet in the other, there’s only one question remaining, are you ready for some football?

The freshly cut field awaits for you to seize the moment of opportunity with every drop of sweat and every ounce of effort in your body. Ladies and gentlemen, football is in the air. From high school teams all the way to the pros, it’s the time of year when dreams are made or crushed, one play at a time.

There’s a haze in the air with only a slight breeze to cool you down. The high heat hasn’t hit yet but you’re already breaking a sweat under your pads. With gnats nibbling at your ankles, you begin to dig your cleats into the dirt to stretch before putting your fingers in the grass.

Oh yeah baby, football is finally back and it’s your time to shine. This is your story. This is your rise to glory.

Every year, countless athletes train in the late summer heat for their upcoming battles in the trenches. Every team starts with a blank slate. The same record. They all share the same goal. The allure of winning it all is worth leaving it all on the field, every single day. It all begins now.

4 Key Storylines Entering 2023 NFL Preseason

1. You Can Blame a Dog for the Minnesota Vikings’ Off-Field Drama

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