Cleveland Browns - A FLY ON THE BALL

Deshaun Watson Diagnosed With Tennis Elbow From Chronic Masturbation

September 3, 2024September 3, 2024 Harvey Ballbanger

The Cleveland Browns have a big problem on their hands, and we’re not talking about the fear their massage therapist has to deal with at work. Two years ago, the little brown elves traded three first-round picks, two thirds, and a fourth-round selection for Deshaun Watson. It ended up being arguably the worst trade in NFL history.

Watson was supposed to be a savior for a franchise that couldn’t tell the difference between a quarterback and a leprechaun on mushrooms. The Browns even made history by drafting the oldest player ever in the first round of the NFL Draft, a 28-year-old baseball player.

The last quarterback to throw 4 interceptions for the Browns was Brandon Weeden in his first NFL start in 2012 when he got swallowed by the American flag. pic.twitter.com/cq5ELpWy5L
— Pardon My Take (@PardonMyTake) December 27, 2021

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How the Tampa Bay Buccaneers Can Get Balls Deep in That End Zone This Year

August 29, 2023November 26, 2023 Buzz McFly

How the Tampa Bay Buccaneers Can Get Balls Deep In That End Zone - Baker Mayfield Brings The Clap To Tampa Bay

Tom Brady is busy tossing salad, not footballs. That means the Tampa Bay Buccaneers have a very slim chance of getting balls deep in that end zone this year. Baker Mayfield? Are you fucking kidding me?

Listen, if you’re debating between Mayfield and Kyle Trask as your starting quarterback, you’re not getting balls deep into anything this year. Sorry Tampa, it’s going to be a while before you let ‘em hang again. At least you have two in the rafters, that’s more than the Buffalo Bills will ever have.

Not to rain on your parade, but rumor has it that not even Mayfield’s ex-wife thinks he can score anymore. If you are a Bucs fan, do you really think Baker can put a dozen in the oven each game, or do you think he doesn’t have the yeast?

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3 Reasons Why the Cleveland Browns Will Never Win the Super Bowl

August 8, 2023November 22, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

All 32 NFL franchises have existed since at least 2002. Some teams go back much further, like the Cleveland Browns, who were founded in 1946. Yet, despite the first Super Bowl taking place back in 1967, 12 teams have still never won a Lombardi Trophy, and the Browns are one of them.

But now there’s hope that Deshaun Watson, Nick Chubb, Amari Cooper, and Myles Garrett can clinch not only an AFC North division victory but also a trip to the Super Bowl. If so, it would be Cleveland’s first-ever Super Bowl appearance. However, we’re not so high on the Browns’ chances. In fact, we’re going so far as to say the Browns will never win a Super Bowl in franchise history. Here’s why.

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Manning Infant Signs Largest NIL Deal in Sports History

July 29, 2023September 21, 2023 Harvey Ballbanger

When you know, you know. That’s the case with the latest golden arm to drop out of the womb. That’s right. There’s another Manning in town.

First, it was Archie Manning. Then came his sons Peyton and Eli Manning. Later, the grandson, Arch Manning, son of Cooper. Now another legend has been crafted.

Sure, this newest Manning may still be in the infant stage, but he’s already under the spotlight, thanks to signing the largest Name, Image, and Likeness (NIL) endorsement deal in sports history.

The actual terms of the agreement have not yet been disclosed, but it’s clear we have another winner here, folks. The five-star recruit is already projected to be the No. 1 pick in the 2044 NFL Draft by the Cleveland Browns or Detroit Lions if they’re still allowed to continue their attempt at avoiding their first Super Bowl appearance.

Yet, there’s always hope of this Manning phenom pulling an Eli power move, refusing to play for such a shitty franchise like the Los Angeles Chargers.

For now, all we can do is plan to save up for front-row tickets to all his football sporting events. It is not yet known which elementary school he will attend, but you can imagine the enticing offers he’s already considering from programs across the nation.

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