Every year the NFL picks one team they’d like to see get to the Super Bowl by featuring them on HBO’s Hard Knocks. Last year they wisely picked the Detroit Lions, and their Lombardi aspirations damn near came true, going from a three-win team to one with nine victories.
Now that Aaron Rodgers is ready to take a bite out of the Big Apple, we turn our attention to the New York Jets, the NFL’s next poster child. But unfortunately, he didn’t bring a Super Bowl trophy with him, and Joe Namath isn’t suiting up any time soon. In fact, Broadway Joe couldn’t care less about how the team performs. He’s made that clear while chasing other dreams.
But it’s clear to everyone within earshot of Fireman Ed that the Jets have a Super Bowl or bust mentality heading into head coach Robert Saleh’s third season as head coach. Yet it’s been 54 years since the last time the Jets won the big game, and if you really want to get technical, they’ve never won a Super Bowl in the NFL. Pretty pathetic, huh?
None of that matters because J-E-T-S Jets! fans don’t remember the past. All they care about is what’s happening this minute and the next. And what’s next is Hard Knocks. But what will the three biggest topics be during this season’s training camp special? We have all the answers.
How Does Coach Saleh Get His Head To Be So Shiny?
Even making a brief appearance on the show feels incredibly risky for coach Saleh. Let’s be honest. He won’t be able to live up to Rex Ryan’s Emmy-worthy performance from 2010.
Say what you want about his foot fetish, but this is a man who knows where his priorities lie. “Let’s go eat a goddamn snack!”
On the other hand, everyone, including Fireman Ed, wants to know Saleh’s secret. No, not how he led the NFL’s fourth-ranked defense last season. What the world is waiting to learn; How in the hell does coach Saleh get his head so shiny?
Does he get his secret stash from the bowling alley? Saleh has that bartop finish to his dome, but how? Our hope is we’ll get to see his entire morning routine.
Our prediction? You’ll see Robert Saleh fire up his ceiling-mounted floor polisher and gracefully step into a customized helmet where he just kinda latches on and spins around like a fan. Not exactly the stuff you should try at home.
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How Many Times Will Aaron Rodgers Take Mushrooms on Camera?
Vegas has the unofficial over/under on how many times Aaron Rodgers consumes mushrooms on camera set at 3.5 times. Which feels a bit low, if we’re being honest. Rodgers is in an entirely new environment, and it’s clear the transfer QB enjoys a good adventure. Who doesn’t?
Hey, if you want to play a bit of a drinking game, take mushrooms every time Rodgers does. Have some fun with it.
Perhaps the only question left is, will Zach Wilson join him? He’s always looked up to Rodgers and has even tried to mold his game after his new teammate. If Wilson could make a change that helped him become a four-time MVP and eventual Super Bowl winner, you don’t think he would do it?
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Zach Wilson MILF Alert: Who’s Mom Is He Banging Now?
We all know Zach Wilson has a thing for moms. Nothing wrong with that. But so far, diving into muffs instead of playbooks hasn’t worked out for the No. 2 pick.
Last year, his off-the-field attachments drew some attention because he was the big man on campus as the starting QB. But now, no one cares about the backup in New York. Unlike on other teams, the backup is not the most popular player on the Jets.
However, when it comes to wooing women who are with child, Wilson is the leader in the clubhouse. No one does it better.
But who will be his choice this season? Will it be a high-profile star? We’ve heard Kim Kardashian might be available after things didn’t work out with Tom Brady. Who’s to say he’s ready for the spotlight anyway?
Wilson might have to settle for someone else, and Vegas hasn’t released these betting odds just yet. We’re willing to bet whoever receives Wilson’s honor won’t be asked to return for next season’s training camp, so it’s now or never.
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Harvey Ballbanger loves to shoot the shit. If he were bigger, he’d probably be a baller. Hell, if he hadn’t gotten a wing clipped, he’d be Ballbangin’ for the NFL right now, messing around with triple-doubles in his downtime in the NBA. But that isn’t the case. Instead, Ballbanger’s letting it all hang out, delivering fresh piles, from one throne to another.
