How Stephen Curry Ruined the NBA

Stephen Curry

A few people think Stephen Curry is good for the NBA, but they couldn’t be more wrong. While it’s true that Curry changed basketball, we can all agree he hasn’t positively influenced the game.

Chef Curry has completely wrecked the future of basketball. We may not see it yet, but eventually, there will be no more dunkers. The Dunk Contest? We’re already seeing it phased out. When was the last time you saw a truly jaw-dropping dunk?

It’s because no one even knows how to throw it down anymore. Think about it. The young generation is smart. They can do basic math. For everyone else, the numbers don’t quite match up. Here’s why:

Until the NBA rightfully makes all dunks worth three points and all shots behind the perimeter worth two or even one point for the integrity of the game, you won’t see a good product on the hardwood ever again. 

Why is basketball in the toilet? Obviously, it’s because of the Golden State Warriors superstar. He ruined basketball for anyone who picks up that orange blob, disappointing Dr. James Naismith forevermore. 

Unlike you or me, the NBA’s all-time leader in 3-point makes was born a shooter. Dell Curry’s son had a built-in advantage from the very moment he popped out of the womb. 

Yet, for some reason, everyone thinks they can be Curry as soon as the ball meets their hand, leaving the one and only Dr. J upset, as mentioned above. 

Your pathetic cousin who thinks he can ball, despite having the coordination skills of a wobbly toddler, shouldn’t be jacking up threes just because he shows up to the gym rocking a headband. He must learn to bang in the paint and understand his true range, like the rest of us.

It’s crazy that a player like Steph Curry, who isn’t even exciting to watch, can take over the game of basketball, inspiring a new generation of wannabe hoopers. Something about this just doesn’t make sense.

At least when Michael Jordan did it, players were fueled to become more athletic and develop a stronger work ethic which helped spawn Kobe Bryant’s greatness. But Curry? This just makes me sick. 

None of his four championships have been legitimate. The two-time MVP rode the coattails of the team’s leader and head coach Steve Kerr, who got the winning formula from MJ. 

On the court, the Warriors’ success stemmed from Klay Thompson putting the team on his back in Game 6, and of course, Kevin Durant. We also can’t forget Draymond Green humbly being an eight-time member of the All-Defensive team without ever needing a moment of the spotlight, unlike Curry

Dumbing it down, the only reason Curry has ever won anything is because his teammates make him look good. We all know that by now. Without his athletically-superior peers, Curry would be a complete loser, just like Trae Young. 

Today’s game is already different. Now you have ‘basketball players’ attempting circus shots from any logo they can find, which is just unfair. No one can ever live up to Curry’s standard or repeat his success, but this is a warning shot. What you see today is only the tip of the iceberg.

It’s best to burn the tape of every Curry shot ever taken. If future generations don’t know what he did, maybe we can get the game of basketball back to the way it was intended to be played, with peach baskets, when the spirit of the slam dunk was alive and well.

Thanks for fucking up basketball Steph, sincerely, a guy who can not hit threes very well.

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Harvey Ballbanger

Harvey Ballbanger loves to shoot the shit. If he were bigger, he’d probably be a baller. Hell, if he hadn’t gotten a wing clipped, he’d be Ballbangin’ for the NFL right now, messing around with triple-doubles in his downtime in the NBA. But that isn’t the case. Instead, Ballbanger’s letting it all hang out, delivering fresh piles, from one throne to another.

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