The Cleveland Browns have a big problem on their hands, and we’re not talking about the fear their massage therapist has to deal with at work. Two years ago, the little brown elves traded three first-round picks, two thirds, and a fourth-round selection for Deshaun Watson. It ended up being arguably the worst trade in NFL history.
Watson was supposed to be a savior for a franchise that couldn’t tell the difference between a quarterback and a leprechaun on mushrooms. The Browns even made history by drafting the oldest player ever in the first round of the NFL Draft, a 28-year-old baseball player.
The last quarterback to throw 4 interceptions for the Browns was Brandon Weeden in his first NFL start in 2012 when he got swallowed by the American flag. pic.twitter.com/cq5ELpWy5L
Did you really think Kirk Cousins wanted to leave the Minnesota Vikings for the Atlanta Falcons solely for football reasons? You’d be out of your mind to believe Kirko Chainz willingly passed up on the opportunity to keep playing with Justin Jefferson just because of the dollar bills, y’all.
That’s not what happened at all.
See, what the bigwigs like Adam Schefter, Ian Rapoport, and Dianna Russini will never tell you is that Cousins had ulterior motives.
Quick, name one rapper who hails from Minneapolis. Exactly, you’re not worthy. But naming one who found success in Atlanta is easy. Whether you pick OutKast, Ludacris, or T.I., there are several rap legends from the ‘A.’
Now, Kirk Cousins is taking his rap career to the next level, hoping to become the latest, greatest rapper to ever emerge out of the Dirty South. Despite his appearances, Cousins isn’t just some geek off the streets. He’s handy with the steel if you know what I mean. He’s earned his keep, but now he’s bringing his hot bars to Atlanta, and he’s got his target aimed squarely at his old squeeze, the Minnesota Vikings.
Lamar Jackson is an MVP, but one of the biggest issues plaguing the Baltimore Ravens during the superstar’s NFL career is a lack of elite receivers. Sure, Justin Tucker scores more points than anyone. But aside from Mark Andrews and Zay Flowers, Jackson doesn’t really have anyone to throw to.
The solution is obvious and Hall of Fame scout, GM, and Super Bowl champion Bill Polian nailed it years ago when discussing Jackson’s NFL Draft prospects. Here was Polian’s wise advice.
Why It’s Time for the Kansas City Chiefs to Leap Away from Taylor Swift
Looking back, Patrick Mahomes, Head Coach Andy Reid, and the Kansas City Chiefs have shared a lot of fond memories and success together over the years. The best part for Chiefs Nation is they are really just getting started. Mahomes has a lot left in the tank and he is already widely considered to be one of the greatest quarterbacks to ever play the game.
If you know anything about Big Red, the Chiefs head coach has a great sense of humor. For example, who could ever forget the time a reporter asked Andy Reid to describe Patrick Mahomes’ speaking voice? Coach Reid famously responded with, “Froggish”.
The Penguin of South Beach Already Planning His Next Big Move
This just in. Reports emerging out of Miami, Florida, have several eyewitness accounts of Jaylen Waddle frequenting the Miami Beach Boardwalk. The star Miami Dolphins wide receiver has certainly made a name for himself in South Beach.
Since emerging from the rolling Tuscaloosa tide, The Penguin of South Beach has waddled his way to fortune, fame, and respect. It’s still entirely unclear how a penguin is able to move with such lightning-quick speed, his elusiveness continues to puzzle the defense department. It seems as though nobody can catch Waddle, slow him down, or stop him.
Since 2021, Jaylen Waddle has snagged over 236 certified airmail packages while racking up over 3,114 yards of distance, on webbed feet. Over that timespan, The Penguin of South Beach has reached paydirt 17 times and counting. That’s a lot of waddles.
In 2023 alone, authorities have already credited 57 successful swipes by The Penguin of South Beach while estimating Waddle has covered at least 743 yards with the package in his possession. They even say he’s successfully delivered on his promises for at least three jobs requiring a touchdown approach, thus adding even more valuables to his vault this season.
As for his next big move, it’s no secret that Jaylen Waddle and his crew of Miami Dolphins have their eyes on the biggest prize of them all. That’s why Waddle has been seen frequenting the Miami Beach Boardwalk along with his hench-penguins lately.
Highlights From Accomplished NFL Career Cements Prestigious Honor For LT
If you are lucky enough to remember the 1986 Super Bowl Champion New York Giants, then Lawrence Taylor needs no introduction to you. LT was an absolute wrecking ball throughout the 1985 season on the football field. Sadly, many fans still don’t understand the toll that championship season had on Taylor.
New York Giants head coach Bill Parcells assembled a stellar staff of coaches for the 1985 NFL season, including pegging Bill Belichick as his defensive coordinator. 1985 was Belichick’s first season as the defensive coordinator of the Giants, he had already been a linebacker and special teams coach with Big Blue since 1979 up to that point.
Of course, much of Belichick’s rapid ascension in the NFL’s pecking order can probably be attributed to Lawrence Taylor’s otherworldly performance on the field. Despite Belichick’s massive success since those days, that fact has not been lost on old Bill over the years.
To this day, Bill Belichick still insists Lawrence Taylor is the greatest defensive player in the history of the NFL. Who are you to argue with the GOAT of modern head coaches? Even if you tried to make a case for somebody else, you’d lose all credibility debating against Belichick wearing a hoodie with the sleeves ripped off like a dollar store special. To quote Kendrick Lamar, “Sit down. Be humble.”
You don’t have to be a football guru to see Lawrence Taylor played like a man possessed by something on the football field. Just check out any LT highlight reel while you do a little line dancing of your own so you can feel the impact of every bone-crunching big hit.
Think you could handle a big hit from Lawrence Taylor?
If you want proof that cocaine fueled Taylor to a Hall Of Fame football career, it’s all right here. As a personal hero of mine, LT’s story inspires me to seek a big ol’ pile of blow to land in and see if a goddamn fly can make it in the NFL. It’s time for old Buzz McFly to hit the shake weight room.
Official Lawrence Taylor Shake Weight Endorsement Photo Shoot
Unfortunately, according to Taylor, Buzz McFly wouldn’t get away with it:
Now you see him, now you don’t. It isn’t magic or grease on his jersey. That’s just the story of Barry Sanders, juking NFL defenders out of their cleats.
Between the lines, Sanders is in his own world. Just ask John Lynch.
Would-be tacklers thought they had the 5-foot-8 running back in their grasp, but just like Detroit LionsSuper Bowl wins, Sanders always seemed to find a new way out.
Then, one day, at the peak of his career, Sanders suddenly slipped away from the NFL for a moment, too.
Imagine this, you work hard your entire life, amassing millions of dollars throughout your career, only to retire with nothing more than a spacious little farm in Mississippi. Now you have more land and time than you know what to do with.
In the end, retirement isn’t always the peaceful fairytale ending everyone hopes for. Just ask Brett Favre, who has had more than just a little trouble finding ways to make ends meet since retiring. That’s why you’ll see Brett Favre starring as TheMustard Man to pay debts back.
For a while there, people were not even entirely convinced Favre actually retired from football, the game that gave him everything in life. Many people still think Favre could return to his old gunslinger ways any day now, there’s no doubt he still has that old cannon locked and loaded.
Imagine Brett Favre slinging it at Lambeau again now that Aaron Rodgers is out of the picture for good. Just the thought of it makes John Madden perk up a bit from the Great Beyond, he’s grilling some bratwursts and slow-roasting a turducken outside his bus just to get ready for the big game. Rumor has it, if Favre ever decides to play again, you might be able to hear Madden calling the game through a spirit box.
There has been plenty of speculation surrounding Mac Jones’ job security as the starting quarterback for the New England Patriots lately. Whether you are on the Jones bandwagon or not is irrelevant once you watch the tape. Facts are facts.
Jones simply isn’t the guy. His noodle-arm can’t push the ball down the field on a calm, sunny day in September. What makes anyone think he will be able to do it through the wicked swirling winds that come with a classic New England Nor’easter in the playoffs? Seriously, the tape never lies:
