It’s finally happened folks. Aliens are here in Las Vegas, just in time for the NBA Summer League action. But there’s no reason to worry because it turns out they’re big basketball fans too.
Perhaps it’s time to rewatch Space Jam and reconsider the possibility that Michael Jordan and the Tune Squad teaming up with Newman from Seinfeld was indeed a true story instead of a silly fairytale meant to entertain.
Could you imagine if Jordan actually got stuck and had to become the latest, greatest attraction on Moron Mountain? The Bulls would have never had their historic threepeat from 1996-98. Clearly, he had some additional fuel that we didn’t learn about until years later.
But enough about MJ. Back to the fucking aliens man.
Footage has emerged of the UFO that has now been identified as cool as fuck. But we don’t want you to get your panties in a bunch when you see just how cool their ride is. Grab a bundle of tissues. Just know you’ve been warned.
Look at that shit! Enough of these grainy videos that look like your grandma recorded it on her flip phone, somehow connected to dial-up. This is impossible to deny or ignore. That’s 100 fucking percent an alien ship, and don’t let anyone try and convince you otherwise. Not the fake news, no one.
The entertainment factor is off the charts. These guys are actually really cool. The NBA Summer League should pay them for finally making us give a damn.
Not only is their spaceship a fucking basketball, they even went to the great lengths of studying our language, likely for decades, just to be able to send out a very warm “Welcome” message displayed on the exterior. Wouldn’t it be nice if your loved ones showed that same level of commitment?
But as you can see, the party doesn’t stop there for these E.T.s. Now they’ve turned the outside of their ship into the world’s largest lava lamp, proving these dudes are pretty fuckin chill.
Ok, so you’ve seen the NBA Summer League UFO. You’ve seen what it’s capable of, putting on a super trippy art show that will have the Vegas locals flocking to the light like a group of flies, but who’s on the ship?
Luckily, A Fly On The Ball was first on the scene, uncovering the first alien to emerge from the basketball-shaped spacecraft, and they are definitely not from this world.
As you can imagine, the alien in question caused an immediate scene. You can see it here, struggling to capture how normal humans walk, moving without any sort of rhythm, like a zombie. Or, in this case, an alien who’s only recently begun trying to imitate a human’s gait.
Just watch as this completely normal human being tries to interact with the large creature who’s wearing some sort of interdimensional tan sheathing. The figure doesn’t even flinch. That’s not normal folks.
While we weren’t able to get a look at the extraterrestrial being, word is circulating that it will participate with the San Antonio Spurs Summer League team, where the stretched-out creature is believed to be in the starting lineup. Clearly, coach Gregg Popovich sees something the rest of us don’t.
Personally, we don’t know what the public sees in this prospect. We don’t have any tape on it competing against other athletes, let alone ever shooting a basketball.
But clearly, the anticipation for its introduction at NBA Summer League is at an all-time high. Records show the alien’s Vegas Summer League debut against the Charlotte Hornets is all sold out.
Let’s just hope Charlotte’s No. 2 overall pick Brandon Miller brings his ‘A’ game because who knows what type of gravity-altering forces this alien has up his almost-human-like sleeves.
Like you, we don’t know what to expect from the basketball spaceship, whether it even bounces or has any other majestic features that Elon Musk cannot match with Teslas.
Are there more aliens waiting to emerge? More cocky bastards who feel they’re ready to take over the game of basketball, even causing some of the game’s generational prospects to consider retirement? Like you, we’re just here for the show. But now we know we are not alone.
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Harvey Ballbanger loves to shoot the shit. If he were bigger, he’d probably be a baller. Hell, if he hadn’t gotten a wing clipped, he’d be Ballbangin’ for the NFL right now, messing around with triple-doubles in his downtime in the NBA. But that isn’t the case. Instead, Ballbanger’s letting it all hang out, delivering fresh piles, from one throne to another.
